Jillybean16 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Hello all. I am new to the community. I am writing because recently I met a wonderful man on match.com, he was the kind of person that I have been searching for for a long time. We went on several dates and things were progressing as expected. We communicated all day everyday for 2 months and saw each other weekly. Then some circumstances in his life changed- he lost his job and moved back with his mother (we are both in our early 30s). I felt him getting distant and understand that he has a lot to work out in his personal life. Finally, he told me that he could not offer me what I am looking for (a relationship) and we cut ties (his choice- I resisted). I deleted his number from my phone because I knew I did not have the self control to stop myself from continuing to contact him. Now I miss him terribly and wish that I hung on to his contact information so that I could reach out again when he gets back on his feet. So- my specific question is this- I sent him a message on match (saying that I am still thinking about him and that I hope he reaches out in the future if things change for him) however, I know he is not a paying member of match right now so he won't see it. BUT if he signs up/pays for match in the future will my message be there waiting for him? Any advice at all? I have dated so so much and know how rare it is to feel this kind of connection with a man. I know I sound pathetic but I feel in my heart that the connection deserves to be explored.
Shining One Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 BUT if he signs up/pays for match in the future will my message be there waiting for him?I haven't used Match in three years, but when I last used it, messages expired after 30 days. Thus, he won't see the message or even who it's from unless he subscribes within the next 30 days. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Get his number off your phone bill. Also, he may not have felt the same connection. He needs to sort his career out before he can date regardless. 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I think the harder and more painful question is, if he does sign up for Match before those 30 days are up, aren't you going to feel crushed? Because that would mean that when he says he can't give you what you're looking for, what he really means is, he can give, but he wants to give to someone else instead. I'd HATE that. I'd rather not know. I really think you should move on. It's hard, I know, but stop contacting him or even trying to contact him. He won't want you more because of it; he'll feel more pressured to do something he doesn't want to do. You know he doesn't want to be with you. That's painful enough. Just let this go.
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 So you dated once a week and chatted daily for two months then he abruptly ended things but he's still active on the dating site you met on? Was he a paying member when you originally met? I'm with Vevecakes on this one, just because you may have had strong feelings about this guy doesn't mean he necessarily felt the same way which would explain him breaking things off and still being online. The job situation might just have been the excuse he used to bow out gracefully. Lord knows I've used many of those lines before with men I was done with and didn't want to create a big exit scene. Nevertheless, Vevecakes is right about how to find his number if you really feel a need to reconnect. Just be prepared for things to not go the way you have them planned out in my mind. Good luck.
KevCA31 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 @OP I completely understand where you are coming from. I used to date a woman where I felt the same things you did. However, she found someone else. I really thought there was a strong connection between us. However, she just didn't feel the same way about me as I did towards her. I was shocked. There are several posters who are saying maybe he didn't have the same feelings toward you as you did toward him. Let's face it, if he did have those strong feelings, do you really think he would have ended the relationship?
Author Jillybean16 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 This was my first time using a site like this and it feels pretty helpful. Everyone's advice is essentially the same- that I just need to move on. The comment that contacting him will make him want me less, not more really hit home. Thanks everyone
KBob Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 There are several posters who are saying maybe he didn't have the same feelings toward you as you did toward him. Let's face it, if he did have those strong feelings, do you really think he would have ended the relationship? And if he has strong feelings, he will contact you again. If he doesn't, he won't. 2
GoldSparkz Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 And if he has strong feelings, he will contact you again. If he doesn't, he won't. I agree, you've done the leg work so the ball is now in his court. I find that with guys, they need to have their lives in order before they begin a relationship. The fact that he's lost his job is a big deal, and having to move back in with his parents must be a blow to his ego. I'd say give him time, if he is right for you, he will get back in touch. I hope this is the case.
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