Lilyana76 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I met him in a divorce support group last year. We get along well. Both of our divorces are final, we get together once a week for a drink and to talk about things we are going through. We flirt a little here and there. He asked me out on a date tonight. I said yes, one thing has me concerned however. Hes a very nice man with a great head on his shoulders, hes retired military, just retired this past summer. He moved here from PA to be closer to his family while going through his divorce. He has a daughter with his EW, whom he flies out to visit twice a year and she flies here twice a year to see him. He just bought a farm outside of the city and is starting his own dairy farm. I've been visiting, and giving him ideas on the renovations of the home on his farm. He is really very sweet, and much like me, a huggy touchy and flirty type person. We get along very well.... So whats the issue?? Well, hes 26. I'm 40. Maybe I'm thinking too much about this considering its just a date, but I really do have a connection with him, never really thought of him a whole lot outside of the friendship box, just because hes so young. I know a lot of you will say, age is just a number, and yada yada. But is it something that really could be overlooked? Is it something that you won't have in the back of your mind all the time? I mean it might be fine now, but what about when I'm 60 and hes 46? Wondering if I should entertain the idea of getting closer to him in a romantic sense or if I should just keep the relationship as friends between he and I because it really is a great friendship.
Telemachus Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I'm not clear on how he could have retired from the military by age 26, unless he was severely disabled while in the service and he's receiving payments for that. If that was the case, he wouldn't be able to deal with the physical challenges of dairy farming, and flying to visit his daughter wouldn't be very practical. Leaving military service through discharge rather than reenlisting and retiring from military service are two very different things. If the age difference matters to you, and it clearly does, then it's a problem for both of you, even if he doesn't think it's a problem. It will be a problem if he wants more children, because the risks are already fairly high at your current age. Probably a bigger issue than the age difference is that he wants a romantic relationship with you do more than you do with him. That spark is rarely mutual in intensity and duration for two people, and if you tell him that you don't think that way about him, then he'll either accept it or not. If not, then that would necessitate the end of your friendship as well. This is a lot of thinking ahead for a first date. I'm writing about children, and you're jumping ahead 20 years in age. If you like him, then unless the idea of kissing him is repulsive to you, why not just see where it goes?
Author Lilyana76 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 I guess I'm not aware of how the military works.. he was enlisted for 8 years, no longer enlisted. Retired or not I'm not 100% sure. Thats just what I hear him say to people when he is asked. As far as kids goes, he knows I can't have more. So I'm guessing this is a non issue for him? Or maybe he hasn't thought about it much? Romance is possible, we both like each other, that I do know. I've never really entertained the idea before now, but I find him attractive and think he has excellent qualities and a great sense of humor. I think he feels the same way? lol I guess I am thinking too much about this.. I'll enjoy tonight and see how it goes and how we feel after the date
VeveCakes Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 My only thought is when you go through menopause he will be in sexual prime. Depending how high his drive is, this might or might not be an issue in ten years. Does he want kids? Do you enjoy farming? Because farm life is not for everyone. I'm guessing he has a tone of money if he has a dairy quota. These are the questions to ask.
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 He's 26, he isn't thinking in the long term....maybe 2 or 3 years. By the time he gets to 30 then he will be looking to have a young wife to have kids with. Right now he isn't thinking any of that....he is just lusting to be with a mature woman. TBH if I was 40 and single....I would be all over that lol.
Larryville Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 So whats the issue?? Well, hes 26. I'm 40. As Smack said dude is thinking of hooking up and is not thinking past next weekend. If that is what you want, cool anything more is a grief, regret thread here down the road waiting to happen. BTW he did not "retire" just departed, question is was in an "honorable" discharge? 3
CptInsano Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 . Right now he isn't thinking any of that....he is just lusting to be with a mature woman. Depends, he could also look for a more motherly figure, some stability in his life. A friend of mine had that type of experience, and ended up with a grown man who wanted little more than a clean home and play XBox. 1
BluesPower Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Yeah, you are thinking way too much. First if he just did his eight years and was honorably discharged that is great. But unless he has family money or he can actually make the dairy farm work he will have to get a job somewhere. Second, let's be real, why can't a hot 40 YO have a 26 YO BF. Men do it all the time, not me but a lot do. Third, were not you just talking about needing to get laid? I mean you don't have to marry the guy or really fall in love. You guys could just have a nice fling. Have some needs met, then who knows. Forth, sexually speaking you guy are perfect for one another. If you guys click in bed. You are a horny, hot 40 YO and he is 26... Doesn't get much better than that age wise. Just be safe and have fun... 1
GunslingerRoland Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 It doesn't hurt to go on a date and see how it goes. I personally find as a gen xer around your age, that dealing with younger millennials I can't relate much. There are obviously logistics long term, around you being that much older than him. (Will you be retiring while he is mid career? Is he okay with that?) But in many ways it's worse with an older man, because men have the shorter life spans.
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) My dad ( also ex-military) met my mom when he was 24 and she was 35. They married at 26 and 37 and my mother had me naturally at 46 !!! (I was like a last minute afterthought)They're still very in love to this day. This is certainly NOT normal. At the time they met, probably less normal. Older woman/younger man is getting more and more common but I think the overwhelming majority of younger men are not thinking long term with older women so it is smart to be wary. Edited February 16, 2017 by Cookiesandough
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Depends, he could also look for a more motherly figure, some stability in his life. A friend of mine had that type of experience, and ended up with a grown man who wanted little more than a clean home and play XBox. Very few and far between........
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 OP do you understand the life of a dairy farmer? There are no vacations, his day starts at 4am, modest lifestyle, possible financial problems, living on government subsidies.....not exactly a glamorous life. 1
CptInsano Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Very few and far between........ My friend had three in a row, with varying degrees of passivity. There is probably some form of pattern on her side, too. But these guys are definitely out there.
Tressugar Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 OP, my situation is very similar to yours in term of the age difference. I don't look my age and I'm smoking hot! Why not have fun?! We live only once! Enjoy yourself! 3
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 My friend had three in a row, with varying degrees of passivity. There is probably some form of pattern on her side, too. But these guys are definitely out there. Ya but I'm talking long term, getting married and raising a family together. I do know someone that married much younger but kids were off the table or it would never had happened. I'm not poo pooing that relationships like this can't happen...just when it comes to priorities and expectations for the long term, age will come into play and will not work out.
CptInsano Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I'm not poo pooing that relationships like this can't happen...just when it comes to priorities and expectations for the long term, age will come into play and will not work out. Agreed. I once had a relationship with a woman 17 years my junior, which lasted several years. It was also only possible because she didn't want kids, but it sometimes became painfully obvious that we were in different stages in our lives. Yet looking back, neither one of us has any regrets. In the end it probably boils down to what the OP wants.
Tressugar Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 If children are the reason, there are too many 40 plus year old women who are popping out healthy kids!!! Everyone I personally know are waiting until late 30's, early 40's to begin to have families.
Author Lilyana76 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 well, I won't be poppin out anymore kids.. I had that problem nipped after I had my 3rd. He knows this, we've talked a lot and become really good friends over a year, so we know quite a bit about each other. Just probably not a lot of the details. I'm thinking hes lonely, and bored a lot, and we enjoy each others company so why not make the most of it? I really don't think either of us see each other as long term partners. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 i feel the only way you will know if it will work out is to work at it......try it....give the relationship a chance to go somewhere before you decide.....any type of mission in military positions gives you maturity.....and that is what would be my concern with dating a younger guy is his constancy and his maturity level...i have children and a lot of teens around my neighborhood call me mum....i dont need more children..it woudl be nice....lol...but not to have as a partner........ i have this friend he is actually my ex he is older than me......he has never matured...and i was told by his foster mum, debbie you will outgrow him i think you already have and that was when i was a teen......i was ex military as a teen......and she was right......when i met him he was in a bad situation and i got myself and him out far far away......he has always been more like a boy to me......he was an orphan bought up in a home.....i sort of adopted him i guess.....funnily enough i am goign down that road officially with him i am fleshing out adopting him....so i can get his life on track.,medically(he is ill) and legally......first off with a birth certificate which he was never registered as being born..... the menopause thing...guys are not in their prime at 46 for starters....as far as sex goes after menopause...if you love someone completely, i believe you will want to make love with them and please them ...women do it all the time when they dont feel like making love ...dont have to go through menopause to not feel like sex...i hav e ahigh sex drive and i feel it is still going to be there after i hit the menopause cycle.......making love is an expression to me...always has been...and men who love their partners.....are understanding when the women they love might not feel like makign love and would respect her feelings.... dont write a guy off before you try.....let things progress naturally and see whee it goes..you will know what feels right or wrong.....follow your heart.....and i wish you well............deb 1
Author Lilyana76 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 It went very well, but then I knew it would. We have always gotten along very well and have a good time together. We did have a discussion.... Basically it comes down to, he wants to just be "casual".. for now. He was married for 6 years, his ex wife is the only woman hes been with. I think hes hoping to learn some things and have some fun. I know how I am, I have always gotten way emotionally invested after sex. Not sure I can do that to him or I... but on the same token, I really could use the fun time... So, we are seeing each other again on Saturday. He's coming over to my place after I get off work. Not sure if it's a stupid idea or not, but we did have a pretty hot make out session tonight, so..... Geez, I hope I don't break him.
winny Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 He's 26, he isn't thinking in the long term....maybe 2 or 3 years. By the time he gets to 30 then he will be looking to have a young wife to have kids with. Right now he isn't thinking any of that....he is just lusting to be with a mature woman. TBH if I was 40 and single....I would be all over that lol. You really dunno what he is thinking.
winny Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 It went very well, but then I knew it would. We have always gotten along very well and have a good time together. We did have a discussion.... Basically it comes down to, he wants to just be "casual".. for now. He was married for 6 years, his ex wife is the only woman hes been with. I think hes hoping to learn some things and have some fun. I know how I am, I have always gotten way emotionally invested after sex. Not sure I can do that to him or I... but on the same token, I really could use the fun time... So, we are seeing each other again on Saturday. He's coming over to my place after I get off work. Not sure if it's a stupid idea or not, but we did have a pretty hot make out session tonight, so..... Geez, I hope I don't break him. Do you want casual for sure? Again, are you sure?????? You can turn him down and find someone else who can give you fun time + a serious commitment.... think about that... dont settle. 1
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