TeddyPSmith Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I dated my ex gf for over a year. I really liked and loved her but there were enough issues that I felt I needed to end the relationship. It was at a point of moving forward more seriously or ending it. I felt I was doing the honorable (and immensely painful) thing by ending it sooner rather than later. I want to echo a post I saw from another dumper previously with some similar feelings I've had. We've been broken up for 2.5 months. Week 1 Post Breakup: I felt relief and that I was ready to let go and move on. Her antics (that Im certain I played a role in) had become too tiresome. Weeks 2 - 4: she seemed to not accept the breakup and continued to contact me weekly. Sometime around this point I made it very clear to her that it was over. She was not taking it well at all. Weeks 4 - 6: hearing from her less and less but still friends on social media. I continue to check in on her on various forms of social media but do not contact her. Weeks 6 - 10: Over the whole time I am missing her immensely. I resist all urges to call or text and have ignored her calls and texts. I begin to doubt or regret my decision. This is where I'm at today. I really miss her and still love her. I fear that I will eventually see her with another man on social media. I know, delete her from Facebook. I also realized that I've been so concerned about her well being that I haven't allowed myself to feel the pain. Well I'm feeling it now. Does any of this sound normal for a dumper? I wasn't cruel to her. I just thought that love wasn't enough to make for a successful relationship. Now i wonder if i had done things differently, would we be in a good relationship. Is this my mind playing tricks on me? Missing something that wasn't really there? 1
Crystal1111 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Hi, Technically I'm a dumper too but I sure as hell don't feel like it. I felt like I had to let him go to keep my sanity. I still loved him deeply. I'm sorry for your pain. I don't know if this will help you but I keep telling myself I left for a good reason. I was so sick of trying to communicate with someone so selfish and hard headed. I felt like I gave my all and it still wasn't enough. Forgive yourself. I'm struggling with that to some degree every day. Try to remember the reasons you wanted out. That's what I'm doing (or trying to ) Hang in there and keep posting if you feel up to it. I've found it really helps me.
jamili Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 You're right, love isnt enough for a successful relationship. But problems can be worked through. Did you try that? Did you communciate, and try to works things out? What's the story here? You could give it some more NC and see if you feel differently with space and time. 2
Sweetfish Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Im am a dumper... but my stages were absolutely different. I actually, didnt have a feeling of relief when i dumped my ex. Pre-breakup I had an intense urge to pull the cord and nothing was holding me back. I wouldn't say love was a factor. Love wasn't the motive of me dumping her. 2
BC1980 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 It sounds about right according to all those "get your ex back" websites. Those websites say that your ex's interest in you will peak around 30-90 days. I looked at some of those sites when I got dumped, and they all talk about how your ex will probably try to contact you between 30-90 days. I think it makes sense because, in the immediate aftermath of the breakup, the dumper is probably relieved. I've seen a lot of people on LS say they felt relief immediately after they dumped someone because it was finally over, and they had been contemplating it for awhile. Then, they started to miss the dumpee after a few months because reality had set in, and they became lonely. 1
Crystal1111 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 You're right, love isnt enough for a successful relationship. But problems can be worked through. Did you try that? Did you communciate, and try to works things out? What's the story here? You could give it some more NC and see if you feel differently with space and time. I tried and tried and tried and then tried some more. I believe with my whole heart in second chances, miracles, faith etc. But in my case I felt I had to walk away or lose my sanity. I'll never say never (with any situation ) however with my ex I just don't see it and I don't want to go crazy trying. I'm exhausted. Hoping the best for you though, whatever it is you seek, I hope you get it.
Sweetfish Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I tried and tried and tried and then tried some more. I believe with my whole heart in second chances, miracles, faith etc. But in my case I felt I had to walk away or lose my sanity. I'll never say never (with any situation ) however with my ex I just don't see it and I don't want to go crazy trying. I'm exhausted. Hoping the best for you though, whatever it is you seek, I hope you get it. Your in the worse case scenario.. your are the dumper and dumpee. Its a constant struggle directing anger and guilt. There is no relief period in my opinion. You constantly shifting anger/guilt towards your self and the "dumpee" Eventually, you start to see clearly and its more anger and disappointment towards the dumpee Eventually, indifference sets in. The whole time I believe you you do miss the person from the point of breaking up... there is no future revelation or dumpers guilt. In this situation... i would say is a lower chance the dumper will seek the dumpee in 1-6 months. 1
Crystal1111 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Your in the worse case scenario.. your are the dumper and dumpee. Its a constant struggle directing anger and guilt. There is no relief period in my opinion. You constantly shifting anger/guilt towards your self and the "dumpee" Eventually, you start to see clearly and its more anger and disappointment towards the dumpee Eventually, indifference sets in. The whole time I believe you you do miss the person from the point of breaking up... there is no future revelation or dumpers guilt. In this situation... i would say is a lower chance the dumper will seek the dumpee in 1-6 months. Thank you Sweetfish! I don't mean to thread jack but reading that made me feel so much better. No wonder my emotions are so crazy these days. I never looked at it like that but yes, I go from relief to guilt (that's the worst in my opinion ) to loss and sadness, then anger. It's awful but thanks again for taking the time to comment. Can not wait for indifference and I actually can imagine that happening whereas a couple weeks ago I was afraid I never would. Peace ♡
Crystal1111 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Just to clarify, I don't think I experienced the traditional type of relief as most dumpers. The thought of having to move on without him was horrible. (Still is at times ) My relief comes more from the fact that I'm relieved when I see light at the end of the tunnel because I know I'm that much closer out of this frigging nightmare.
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