Why do women always want to text instead of talk on the phone?

[alpo]

This is just a general question regarding my recent experiences with dating/relationships over the past few years.

 

One of the things i love about the woman i am currently involved with is that she hates text messaging constantly for communication and instead prefers lengthy phone conversations and we have these regularly every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day. We cover everything from sex to parenting to what takeout food we are ordering. Our phone convos are never boring.

 

While there are quite a few other issues with this relationship it's a quality i can't find in any other women I've chatted to and even dated in recent years. All these other women only wanted to text, text, facebook message, whatsapp etc non stop and then i get bored after a while of typing and they would complain when i didn't reply and say things like "Well no reply so i guess you've lost interest". I hadn't lost interest but i was just so bored of non stop text messaging every day. And they will not call. If i call them it goes to voicemail and instead of calling me back they send a "hey" text and want to continue talking again on text!

 

I've even asked some women i've chatted to do they like talking on the phone and they say things like "oh god no my social anxiety won't allow it" "noooo even answering the phone gives me a mini panic attack"

 

I even see women posting memes on instagram that condemn phone calls and say it's all about texting for them. The ages of the women range from early 20s to mid 30s. The woman i'm with now is early 30s and even though we are not compatible in some ways the fact she loves phone over text is one of the things that keeps me involved.

 

Why is it so difficult to meet women who like communicating over the phone instead of messaging constantly?

[Shining One]

Generally speaking, women over a certain age prefer phone calls and women below a certain age prefer texting. At least, that's been my experience. Every now and then, you'll see a post on these forums from a woman (usually 35+) complaining about men only texting and not calling.

 

If this is important to you, you need to discuss that early on. It's not a taboo topic, so it's probably something you can ask on the first date.

[mikeylo]

It's an individual preference and age related. My 19 year old son types an entire 10 line sentence in 30 seconds while I'm on my first word , lol ! My wife is faster than me !

[carhill]

To answer the title, more freedom and less pressure. Also, it's less personal. You could perhaps apply the same distinction to the differences between talking on the phone and interacting in person. Each person has their own preferences and comfort levels.

 

Myself, I see the preference for texting in my own generation, people who gained adulthood in the era of corded phones, no answering machines and definitely no texting. They like it so they do it. Myself, I don't. Different strokes.

 

Sounds like your partner and you are on the same page on the texting thing, OP. If so, cool. Compatibility on communication is important in relationships. If you can find common ground on the other issues, that communication will be an asset in the process. Hope it works out!

[Penguin_hugs]

I'm pretty sure it's a generational thing. I'm 23 and prefer texting. I will talk on the phone- but I love sending a few messages at various points in the day and I get such a butterfly feeling when I get a message back.

 

My ex probably enforced this more because he had a massive fear of the phone. Like he would very rarely make calls. And he couldn't do it infront of anyone- only in a private room. He also used to leave the room if I answered my own phone. In 2 years I got him on skype twice a week (we were only seeing each other every fortnight at this point).

 

The current guy I am seeing is older (32) and very more matter of fact and productive. So he's very much in to phoning. I nearly freaked out myself with our first phone call. We matched on tinder, swapped to whatsapp within 2 days and then a day later he phoned me while he was driving home one day. I felt like my voice wasn't normal at first etc. But over the weeks I'm getting better, more used to the calls, more chilled out when my phone rings. He usually calls when he is travelling and on hands free as he gets bored driving so just phones to chat.

[Poe77]

People are funny they have so much "social anxiety" that they cant even hold a adult conversation over the phone yet for a good chunk of the population "sex is the new handshake" go figure

[todreaminblue]

I dont mind talking on the phone sometimes i can actually talk for hours on the phone with people i care about...strangers i dont know ...different story...but...sometimes when the phone makes my ear sweaty after being on it so long, i feel a bit trapped....ill be doing things ...even typing mutli tasking while i am talking making dinner burnt myself quite a few times doing this.......i tend to get many phone calls throughout the day ...people i do care for wanting to talk to me....some people even get pissed that they cant get hold of me....to the point i screen my calls.....its tiring.....i blame myself a lot though because i can truly talk if needed.....about anything...for a very long time....lol.....its nice to have text messages..returned....the unresponsive ones......actually hurt........i enjoy writing......its a form of communication...of expression...that i love....some times i dont like to talk ...at all......i just want to be silent....and not hear the sound of my voice....texting suits those times....

 

 

im funnier when i write......or text .....they aint short messages i write...and i have to be careful texting or chatting online because i can bomb peoples with texts...thoughts racing so fingers race too....and i have written before i know it, four to one reply.....

 

and i must honestly say i know most men like to text short messages ...LIKE ONE WORD.......why is that though?????...pfft..one word....deb

[Shanex]

I don't mind either reasonably, because some can text and call for hours on end about meaningless BS and this ain't for me. And in the end just burn out the beginning romance.

[Popsicle]

I'd rather talk on the phone than text. Ideally I'd rather be face to face.

[Popsicle]

I don't mind either reasonably, because some can text and call for hours on end about meaningless BS and this ain't for me. And in the end just burn out the beginning romance.

 

Long lasting romance is created by the balance between intimacy and distance. Too much of one or the other will kill it. Some people focus too much on building intimacy and kill the excitement, but others focus too much on keeping a distance and they kill the intimacy and in other case the R ends. There must be a balance.

[Shanex]

Long lasting romance is created by the balance between intimacy and distance. Too much of one or the other will kill it. Some people focus too much on building intimacy and kill the excitement, but others focus too much on keeping a distance and they kill the intimacy and in other case the R ends. There must be a balance.

 

Aye and it's not an easy one. Some women want or need constant attention whereas others want space and quiet. You have to take a guess or just ask which kind of woman you're talking to, and what she likes most.

[Lovezen_30]

That's a sweeping generalisation. I'm 25 and I prefer to talk on the phone - when my boyfriend consistently texts instead I'm like 'pick up the phone already, dammit!'

[Otter2569]

It's an individual preference and age related.

 

I agree that its pretty much a generational thing. Although I'm 50ish and would rather text because its more convenient and I can multi task.

 

Personally you need a little of both. There are things you cant pick up from texting. I am not a big phone talker but in the dating world its saved my ass on more than one occasion.

[MissBee]

I do think some of it is generational. But within that you still will have different preferences.

 

I'm in my late twenties. When I'm just getting to know someone, esp if I met them online, I like phone calls. You can text me as well, but I need to actually have some kind of voice to voice convo with you to get a sense of how we are conversationally and to make you feel more like a "real person". After we have been dating or I know you well enough, then texting is fine, esp since I'm likely to see you in person more often, so the in between convos can be texts and it is also nice to just quickly touch bases throughout the day via texts. In my relationships and dating we are in contact via text throughout the day- sharing pics of what we're doing, or eating, or something that happened, or seeing what the person is up to, small things that don't require a phone call but make you feel connected. If we're away from each other for a while though then I go back to wanting to hear the person's voice as it feels realer in some ways than just words on a screen.

 

There are pros and cons to each thing, each method has a strength and weakness. But for me, typically it's about how well I know someone and the level of intimacy that determines if I want a text or a call. I am put off though by people who refuse to call. If you don't typically like it, it's fine, but if you avoid it altogether esp early on if I ask, that's a no for me.

Edited February 18, 2017 by MissBee