backandforth Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 So, I've been dumped for the third time in a row because of an ex coming back. It always seems to happen a month or two in when the feelings start to develop and when I can see potential in someone. I've searched myself to figure out if I'm doing something to cause this, but I honestly can't think of anything. Things are always great and moving along nicely. Then one day I get the message. I'm employed, have my **** together, intelligent, have friends, my own interests, well travelled, fit, can cook. So I'm puzzled and more than a little frustrated. I'm past the point of trying to reason with the person. I just let them go if that's what they wanna do, and I wish them luck. But damn it sucks
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 No you aren't getting dumped because an EX comes back. You are getting dumped because despite being a new relationship when an EX comes back you fail to draw clear boundaries. When an EX pops back up, you say Glad you are doing well. I'm in a new relationship & no longer interested in going backwards. Best wishes but I'd prefer we were no longer in touch. Or something to that effect. When you engage with your EX your new SO wisely disappears. 3
Author backandforth Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 I think you've misunderstood, maybe I wasn't clear. I'm not talking about MY ex, I'm talking about THEIR ex. I don't engage with my exes as a general rule, and believe me, I'm not interested in maintaining anything with anyone who starts engaging on an emotional level with their ex
goldway90 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 If a guy/girl mentions they just go out of a relationship then it's a red flag of a rebound. I'm sorry this happened to you, it's sucks but all you can do is to keep moving forward and hope for the best. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I think you've misunderstood, maybe I wasn't clear. I'm not talking about MY ex, I'm talking about THEIR ex. Yes, I did misunderstand. I'm sorry. Then in all instances you did the right thing by leaving when the EX came back. Were there any other commonalities? Do you know how long these guys were single before taking up with you? One of my early on weed out Qs . . . . .round about 3rd -4th date -- would be something along the lines of, "I'm not asking for you to tell me, but do you know why your last relationship ended?" I'd also ask if he was "at peace" with the split or if he wanted her back. It was way easier to get out that early. Of course I didn't stick around if on date 1-2 he was waxing poetic about the EX.
LostOnes05 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I understand man, it does suck. I think the only thing you can do is look for warning signs. If they start to mention their ex when you start dating, just say, "hey I'm looking for something serious and I'm not interested in playing ping pong while you figure that out between you and your ex. I wish you the best and feel free to contact me if/when you're no longer entertaining an ex". Then you walk away and let her figure out her situation. 1
preraph Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 My guess those guys were never really broken up but are just cheating.
Been Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Been through it as well. The rule I learned the hard way was one of three things:If the person your dating keeps mentioning the ex that's a huge red flag to cut and run. If you begin dating someone who recently ended or was dumped in a relationship that was over 6-7 months tread carefully. And any form of contact with an ex barring kids of course-just walk away. Usually what happens is you are being used to fill a void leftt by the ex. If and WHEN the ex MAGICALLY changes the behaviour that led to the break up the person your seeing will RUN back to the ex.
preraph Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 This is when you have to be really paying attention to what they don't say, as well. If a guy is vague or always has a delay to get back with you about whether he can make plans, he probably has someone who is a partner or who he gives priority to. "I'll have to get back with you" when talking about an invitation and then if they wait until the day of to see if they can lie their way out of the house to make the date is pretty common when someone is already taken or catering to their ex. It's happened to all of us. But you have to see the signs.
Maldives Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Here's a clue dude, ask them wen doing when was ur last by or relationship if it's recent ask more questions if they seem bitter about them or hung up or talk alot about them don't see em again after the 1st date that's my advice. Not always the case but also watch out for a woman that's ended a relationship where it's all the other guys fault. They will eventually do the same to u u want to look for someone who has low baggage emotionally that's wat I've learnt in my 20 odd yrs of heartache and breakups marriage etc
Maldives Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Sorry typos auto spell I mean watch out for woman who start dating straight away after a so called bad relationship and blame ever look for wything on the ex big red flag they will sub consiously do the same wth u and create similar scenarios where u get so pissed off wth em it eventually breaks down be careful of these woman. So obvious to me they will be looking for u to rescue them and be everythin gv the ex wasn't however create similar drama causing u to react like the ex
Maldives Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Lol again bad typos anyway my point is this, if they see blame everywhere else but themselves wat does that tell u about them? They have trouble taking any ownership for there part in the breakdown of the relationship. Ull be there after a while seeing the signs and then know why the ex reacted the way they did. Too late then because ur hooked on them by then. Do ureself a favour and cut them loose at the start and save ureself the heartache later down the track and find a better balanced woman im sure there out there lol one that can apologise w3n it's there mistake and can say sorry far and few between in my experience but they exist
Author backandforth Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 Thanks for the tips everyone. A couple I'll respond to: 1. They're definitely not cheating. We'll be dating, like, meet up a couple times a week, spend a Sat or Sun together, friends on social media. If they are cheating, they're not doing a good job of hiding it. 2. Warning signs are very inconsistent. In fact, the one before the latest one I was convinced was on the level. Talked about her ex only when asked and was pleasant about it. Said, "no baggage here" with real sincerity (or so I thought) 3. Mega frustrating to hear that the exact same problems derail the reconciliation, like I didn't see that coming And no, I don't give them another chance. I'm no ones backup plan. What the hell is it with exes? Why do people think all the previous problems have miraculously evaporated? People rarely change, time and experience has shown me that
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