BethH2002 Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 So on Sunday afternoon, my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me. I met him a year ago, at a party in the flat above mine in my uni halls. At the time, I said hi and thought nothing more of it, considering that night I went home with one of his friends, who I didn't have sex with, because at that time I was still a virgin. Nothing came of me and his friend as it turned out the next day that he had a girlfriend and naturally didn't tell me. I ended up seeing one of the guys in my cohort at uni for about six weeks. During that time, I kept seeing my ex in my uni's student bar and he would say hi and ask how things were going with the guy I was seeing. I would say that they were okay but the guy was reluctant to have sex with me because of the 6/7 year age gap between us and the fact that I had never had sex. My ex would encourage me to 'have game'. Eventually me and that guy ended things because he kept stringing me along and I couldn't deal with it. I went home for easter and didn't speak to him for a week and he contacted me again and stupidly I fell for it and got strung along for the next two weeks until I was back at uni and my flatmate told me that he'd had sex with two people over Easter and wasn't ready for a relationship. A couple of weeks later I saw the guy I had been seeing in the student bar and assumed he was hitting on some girl, so I got pissed off and bought a bucket of cocktail and was sitting with it when my now-ex came up to me and asked me to dance with him and his friends. He told me that he had work at six and when the bar closed at 2 am I invited him to my flat for a cup of tea. And I really do mean, in my druken state, it was just an innocent cup of tea. We eneded up talking for an hour and when he left, I walked him to the door and he ended up kissing me and asked for my number. We started seeing each other and went on a few dates. One night it happened that we were both out in the same town drinking at two different bars and we were texting. On my way home he said he was at his friend's flat which was the one below mine. At that point I'd developed feelings and knew I wanted him to be my first and asked him to wait, so he did. We had sex for the first time and I asked "so are you my boyfriend now or what?" He said it sounded good. We were so happy for so long. I said I love you a month into the relationship and he made me feel like the only girl in the world. Then before Christmas his hours at work changed, we were both busy because he was already graduated and is working his way up to being a manager in his store and I'm a nursing student, so I don't get much time. But regardless, I made an effort to see him regularly and texted every day. The week before we broke up, we went out on the Saturday with his friends, and on the way back to mine, I was a bit annoyed because he'd jokingly made a comment about one of his female friends having a great arse. He hugged me on the way home and refused to let go until I kissed him and I just couldn't stay mad at him. Last monday he went out clubbing with his friends from work or school or something and didn't tell me but I figured it was no big deal. He had a good time. I went to his on the wednesday and brought up about going away for our first anniversary and he seemed okay with that. Then on friday we went to the student bar (I know it seems like I go out a lot but that's just because all the significant things happened when I was out). He told me at pre drinks that he couldn't get this saturday off for my birthday drinks as he had to work. In the bar, he was talking to his guy friends for a while and then decided about one that he was leaving because he had work and I said I'd go with him. He told me to stay but I said to him that he couldn't get through the gate to my campus without a student card and he also couldn't get into my building without my key to get his bag from his friends' flat. On the way back I asked if he was talking to the guys about us and if we were okay. He said we were and said he'd tell me if we weren't. Then he went home and I barely heard from him on saturday except when I asked if he had his rota for the week, because I was hoping we could see each other for valentine's day. He said he didn't and didn't say anything else. Then on sunday he texted to ask if he could pop round for a bit. I thought it was odd because he had work that day and he's never come over before work before. I jokingly told myself that he was probably gonna break up with me because I was a psycho girlfriend, but told myself it wasn't true. Then he came in and asked if we could talk in my room and I just knew. He said he wanted to break up. He told me it wasn't me, I was great and the last nine months were amazing, but he didn't feel the same and he was stressed and not ready for a relationship. I asked if taking a break would help and he said he didn't think so. He cried and I hugged him and then he left. I didn't even get the chance to give him his valentine's present. My mum came and got me to bring me home for the next couple of weeks. I was planning on letting him have space but I had to message him on monday because he had intimate pictures that I asked him to delete. He replied in my lecture to say he had deleted them and I had to walk out. I spent an hour in the women's bathroom composing a message to send him and eventually settled for telling him I missed him. He didn't reply, but when I later asked if we could meet in a couple of weeks and talk so that I can get closure, he agreed. I decided to do NC until that time, and I'm on day 2 and it's killing me. I feel like someone's died. I haven't been eating properly or sleeping. I managed to eat a bit more today, but I've also decided to start exercising more. I also made an appointment to get a tattoo that I've wanted for ages. But it's my birthday drinks on saturday and I don't know if his friends are still coming. In a way I want them too, but I also don't. I'm also still friends with his mum on facebook and today she put up a photo of them all on a family outing and it killed me. I had to unfollow her but I don't want to unfriend her because they were all so lovely to me and I feel like I'm closing that door completely. I know it's not likely but I'm hoping with NC that he'll change his mind. I would take him back if I could, although I'd probably suggest starting a fresh slate and going back to basics. I've been wondering if we rushed into a relationship but then I don't see how it would take 9 months for it to cause a break up. We never fought or anything. I'm just conflicted right now. On one hand I'm so angry at him for doing this to me and I want to throttle him and on the other hand I want to try and work it out because we had such a good relationship and he's my best friend and I don't see how he can just throw it away without trying. I'm wondering if something's happened suddenly that he didn't tell me about and that's why he's ended things.
teddyzain Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 You are very young and this guy wasn't the right one. And at your age s/he rarely is. Guys in this age range are very immature and despite having the best thing in the world in front of them they want the next best thing. Don't get the tattoo. You have it forever but won't want it forever. I remember when I was about 23 and my live-in girlfriend of 2 years left me (I deserved it). I was walking by a tattoo shop and on a whim went in, picked one out. The person must have picked up on my state because they told me to put down a $20 deposit and come back the next day. I didn't come back and thank god because I would have a tattoo of a scorpion on my shoulder. You will meet someone better and you'll look back and wonder what the hell was I thinking? So get through the emotional pain and it will work out.
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