huygenss Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Hi! So I've been dating this girl from my school (my class, to be exact, we're both 19 yrs old) since the beginning of the January. So far we've been on 4-5 dates or so. The thing is... When I tried to make a move - it was quite a while ago, at the end of a second date, she said that she doesn't know if it is a good idea. After a while of silence and without meetings we carried on dating. After a serious conversation she told me that she doesn't know what to think. And that she may be not ready after her previous relationship. That she still had some contact with her ex. And that she likes dating me so much, that I do so much more for her than that guy, but she cannot just like that forget about him as if nothing had happened. I could understand that. She gave me like the longest hug that I had ever experienced and we parted ways. It was a week ago, after that we had only some short casual conversations. Until yesterday... Because it was Valentine's Day I decided to do something - like ANYTHING. Surprised her with a red rose, accompanied her on her way to work. She seemed glad. I wanted to go and grab some meal with her but she couldn't do it. The reason was legit, I think. She said that we'll certainly will make up for this in the future. (I'm not native sorry, I don't know if I wrote it correctly. Meaning: we'll grab this meal in the future for sure) The thing is... I don't know how to handle it. She seems to like me a lot. Well, I've been friendzoned many times before and right now I am almost certain that this girl is not doing that to me. Today, by an accident, I found out that she was talking with her friend about that yesterday's situation and "how beautiful rose she got from me". Besides, when we are on dates, I can feel so much chemistry between us. Now I don't know what I should do with this relationship and how I could keep things going. We're like soulmates on dates but when it comes to school interaction we barely talk. And even when we do, these conversations are kind of empty and meaningless, like if I was talking to someone I don't know too well. Sometimes we exchange a glance at the hall. Quite often we don't even talk while passing, just a smile. That's bothering me. That's the problem no. 1. The 2nd problem is that I don't know if I should still be the one to text her first, invite her etc. Like this meal thing for example... I don't know if I should invite her for it or is it like her turn to mention it somehow. I think that it's the man's thing to do, but well, you see the situation and I don't want to be intrusive. The 3rd problem. Our dates are really unusual, I would say. We were in a restaurant to eat some dinner once, we went to the cinema to watch a romantic movie, I drive her home or accompany her on her way to work (depending on the situation) and we both enjoy time spent with each other a lot, but on the other hand all the other aspects didn't go any "romantic". We've had no kiss, we haven't hold hands (When I tried that - it was on that second date that I mentioned - she panicked and said that it may not be a good idea, as I wrote before. But it was quite a while ago...) Please, could you help me with this situation? I really care about this relationship and I don't want to mess it up. How could I handle those 3 problems? I am having so much doubts regarding what I should do, that I don't know what to think about that. Thanks for help, I'm counting on you! And sorry for any mistakes. Not native.
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 As the guy you always have the freedom to text her first, initiate or invite her. The double standard is when women do that in some quarters they are perceived as easy. Although the 2nd date may have been too soon for her for your "move" now that you have passed the 5th date & valentine's day I think some romance is in order if this is going to be a relationship as opposed to platonic friends only. You did get the hug. The glances are a good sign. She seems receptive to the roses. At the very least her GF probably told her that if she's not interested she was wrong to accept the flowers from you. So I think you are on the right path but the speed is very slow. You need to be more courtly but with baby steps. Hold open doors & stuff. Compliment her. the next time you see her, be bold & greet her hello with a cheek kiss. Do not hesitate. Just swoop in & quickly peck the cheek. Do not go for her lips. (We'll get to that.) As you are walking with her, take her hand & hold it. Make eye contact throughout the date. Peck her cheek goodnight at the end of the date. Next date -- repeat but this time when you are gazing deeply into her eyes, wet your lips. See if she mirrors your action, looks at your lips or pulls away. If she pulls away cut the date short & take her home. End this then & there because you have been friend-zoned. If the other two, lean in. If she comes forward, slowly keep leaning in until you can kiss her. It's silly but watch the movie Hitch to get this technique.
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