I cannot tell if he gave me double talk or not...

February 17, 2017

Oops, sorry...I didn't realize the OP had not had sex with this man yet...I may be confusing two posters. This is in case my post about sex comes up (still moderated due to a glitch).

February 17, 2017

Might be what most women want, but all. I hold out on sex too until I know a man wants an exclusive relationship with me, and while I was dating, I wouldn't have sex until that. That doesn't mean I didn't get more and more emotionally attached.It's not the be all end all if a guy waits for sex. Some guys are fine stringing women along for companionship without sex yet believe it or not. They hope they'll get there. Look at his first response. Was an indirect answer about how he hasn't been on. Of course not. They've been together 9/14 days since they met. Shady. Whether you have sex or not, if you spend a great deal of time getting to know a someone you sometimes do get attached and when he finds someone else and dumps you saying "well, I didn't lie. I wasn't seeing anyone else while we were casually dating." Why don't you ask him if he'll be in an exclusive relationship? That will shed light here. He didn't agree to an exclusive relationship, he's just saying he's been sexually exclusive so far. LS always advises this, but somehow him taking his profile down has tilted the scales to make this an exception.

February 17, 2017

About 1 date a week evenly spaced out Caligirl xD it wouldn't be enough for me 2 mo in but I can see it being ok for some people

February 17, 2017

That might be what most women want, but not all. I hold out on sex too until I know a man wants an exclusive relationship with me, and while I was dating, I wouldn't have sex until that. That doesn't mean I didn't get more and more emotionally attached.It's not the be all end all if a guy waits for sex. Some guys are fine stringing women along for companionship without sex yet believe it or not. They hope they'll get there. Look at his first response. Was an indirect answer about how he hasn't been on. Of course not. They've been together 9/14 days since they met. Shady. Whether you have sex or not, if you spend a great deal of time getting to know a someone you sometimes do get attached and when he finds someone else and dumps you saying "well, I didn't lie. I wasn't seeing anyone else while we were casually dating." Why don't you ask him if he'll be in an exclusive relationship? That will shed light here. He didn't agree to an exclusive relationship, he's just saying he's been sexually exclusive so far. LS always advises this, but somehow him taking his profile down has tilted the scales to make this an exception.

February 17, 2017

Might be what most women want, but all. I hold out on sex too until I know a man wants an exclusive relationship with me, and while I was dating, I wouldn't have sex until that. That doesn't mean I didn't get more and more emotionally attached. Some guys are fine stringing women along for companionship without sex yet believe it or not. They hope they'll get there. (Not saying that's what OP guy is doing)

February 17, 2017

I had to break these up due to glitch. Look at his first response. Was an indirect answer about how he hasn't been on. Of course not. They've been together 9/14 days since they met. Whether you have sex or not, if you spend a great deal of time getting to know a someone you sometimes do get attached and when he finds someone else and dumps you saying "well, I didn't lie. I wasn't seeing anyone else while we were casually dating." It hurts. Why don't you ask him if he'll be in an exclusive relationship? That will shed light here. He didn't agree to an exclusive relationship, he's just saying he's been sexually exclusive so far. LS always advises this, but somehow him taking his profile down has tilted the scales to make this an exception. It just seems odd to me when you look at all the other threads on this. Maybe it's the 2 weeks? Although they spent a substantial amount of time together and he said he has no interest in anyone else. So why not exclusive rship?

Edited February 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough

February 17, 2017

About 1 date a week evenly spaced out Caligirl xD it wouldn't be enough for me 2 mo in but I can see it being ok for some people

Yes, everyone is different.

I saw my most recent boyfriend once a month for a few days at a time (LDR). This April we will have been married 15 years.

Not bad for [a woman] who doesn't make time for her man and blah blah, eh?

Edited February 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~6

February 17, 2017

I had to break these up due to glitch. Look at his first response. Was an indirect answer about how he hasn't been on. Of course not. They've been together 9/14 days since they met. Whether you have sex or not, if you spend a great deal of time getting to know a someone you sometimes do get attached and when he finds someone else and dumps you saying "well, I didn't lie. I wasn't seeing anyone else while we were casually dating." It hurts. Why don't you ask him if he'll be in an exclusive relationship? That will shed light here. He didn't agree to an exclusive relationship, he's just saying he's been sexually exclusive so far. LS always advises this, but somehow him taking his profile down has tilted the scales to make this an exception. It just seems odd to me when you look at all the other threads on this. Maybe it's the 2 weeks? Although they spent a substantial amount of time together and he said he has no interest in anyone else. So why not exclusive rship?

That's what I'm afraid of. I just have a feeling that this is exclusive by default since reading his texts. It just was truly a strange response to me feeding me a bone with how he isn't seeing anyone else and would remove his profile but then saying to take things slow. If he wants to take things slow, he might as well just leave his profile up because taking it slow to me is still the getting to know you phase and I wouldn't be angry if he still had his profile up (in fact I would assume at that time he would still be seeing other girls).

Up until when he texted me all that, I really would have guessed he felt that we actually were in a relationship (no joke) or at least heading in that direction. I thought he was into me especially since he has called and/or texted me every single day (seriously, there was never a day with no contact) and on every date made plans with me for the next date or the next set of dates (he would actually make dates way in advance with me along with dates back to back).

Looking back on things now, we never did share at all on any of our dates what we were looking for in terms of a relationship or our dating history. I kind of thought that you aren't supposed to ask things like that so I don't discuss it unless it is brought up. It's probably my fault that I didn't ask. I should have said on our first date is "Why are you on Match, and what kind of relationship are you looking for in your life right now?".

If it matters, this guy is a nerdy type which I actually really like about him. I mean he even has Star Wars shoes lol. On the other side he has a very professional, fairly high up corporate job where he wears suits almost daily. You would never really know how nerdy he really is outside of work. I just really like his personality and how he seemed very old fashioned with dating like me.

I told my best friend about all this and she had a bit of a mixed reaction. She basically told me how he must really like me because we have seen each other so much as so often especially since he has been in there without even having sex with me, but that his response was just strange and that I shouldn't really look much into it and just go with it. I'll be honest though, I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I do go with it, I could end up seeing that this just never gets serious.

He and I have been texting today on and off at work when we can sneak it in . He had a 1 night business trip and just texted me that just got home and is tired. I told him to get his rest because I know he has a fairly busy week coming up (planning his father's birthday party and having out of town guests for a few days). He told me he will and put up a smiley face. I know I shouldn't analyze that but this is probably the first time when we hadn't planned a date during the date or when he right away asked me out again. During our last date he had told me about how he has a lot of stuff actually going on for the next few days (to me sounding like, we cannot see each other for a few days). I said something like he sounds really busy and that we can maybe go out again once the family and friend stuff is over with. He commented that he could still go out with me during those few days and that his friends are just really using his place for a place to spend a few nights in and that he isn't playing tour guide or anything. Our last date was on the 14th. We didn't make plans for our next date during that date. On the 15th he just texted me all day when he could but still no plans. Today's the 16th and same as the 15th with me fishing that we should make plans again (didn't happen). Just doesn't seem good.

I think at this point he may just want to do the 1-2x a day thing, but based on the last few days, he may just not want to see me again despite him still texting me (we haven't spoken on the phone in a few days). I just have never had a relationship go from moving very quickly to then just leading towards how it should have began with starting out slowly.

I don't know if what I wrote in the card was something I never should have said (changed the relationship to awkward), or if it actually was a blessing to have said it (finding out things now).

February 17, 2017

I'm not crazy! []

A study conducted by both Zoosk and Glamour asked 1,000 women and 1,000 men how long they thought you should wait before making things official. Surprisingly, 75% of women thought you should wait at least a few months while 43% of men thought it would only take a couple of good dates.

Overall, it seems women are keener on waiting.

But a Google Consumer Survey conducted by Mic of 3,058 people last February found that the most common timetable for having the exclusive talk was just less than four weeks.

Even more surprisingly, 45.2% said they dated their significant other less than a month before becoming exclusive and 28% of respondents said it took them one to two months.

In any case, even my own thoughts (and this topic) are wearing me out.

Edited February 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed commercial link ~6

February 17, 2017

I'm not crazy! []

A study conducted by both Zoosk and Glamour asked 1,000 women and 1,000 men how long they thought you should wait before making things official. Surprisingly, 75% of women thought you should wait at least a few months while 43% of men thought it would only take a couple of good dates.

Overall, it seems women are keener on waiting.

But a Google Consumer Survey conducted by Mic of 3,058 people last February found that the most common timetable for having the exclusive talk was just less than four weeks.

Even more surprisingly, 45.2% said they dated their significant other less than a month before becoming exclusive and 28% of respondents said it took them one to two months.

In any case, even my own thoughts (and this topic) are wearing me out.

Oh! Well, you were right all along! Just like you knew you were. So now that you absolutely know he is lukewarm and just keeping you on the back burner awaiting a better piece or whatever, you can dump him. At least now you know, so that's a relief, anyway.

There is no way on earth that this guy could be in the non-majority percentage of some vague opinion poll and/or that you snapping at him and basically accusing him of being a lying user had anything to do with him now cooling off on getting together, so don't throw that away, definitely use it again the next time.

Good luck!

Edited February 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed commercial link from quoted text ~6

February 17, 2017

It' been months since i posted here but here it goes. I'm 32 and he's 38. I've been in 3 long term relationships so it isn't like I'm completely clueless. I met a guy on Match.com and I thought we really hit it off. Since our first date he has called or texted me daily. We have only seen each other for slightly over 2 weeks however, we have had 9 dates within that period (all except for like 2 that he asked me out again)! I have never seen someone that much in a short period. Usually when I first meet someone it's maybe 1-2x a week. I took that as a sign that he really liked me. It probably doesn't make a difference but most of our dates lasted hours to almost like a full day.

Anyway we went out last night on Valentine's Day. On like date #5 he already told me that he made a reservation for us. Again I took that as a sign that it got serious quickly.

We gave each other little gifts (nothing over the top). When he dropped me off back home, I gave him his card. I didn't want him reading it during
dinner in the event he didn't like it (would make for an awkward dinner!). I wrote that I have enjoyed spending time with him, and that the more I see him, the more I grow to like him and that I'm ready to delete my profile if he is.

He texted me (he's more into texting than I am...would have preferred a phone call but I guess this is the time we live in) and this was our conversation (I typed this fast so forgive my typos):

him-thank you for the great card. i agree that we are good for each other. i haven't been talking with any other girls or logged on for a while
me- the ball is in your court...
him-i think it would be good to take down profiles. i am probably more cautiously optimistic. please don't get me wrong. i've enjoyed everything we have done together very much!! and while i have no reason to think anything would change i have to remind myself that we have only known each other for a short amount of time.
me- got it
him- while everything is super awesome so far and i think both of us are being completely honest and not phony at all, there is just stuff people pick up over time. not a long time or anything, just more than a few weeks. but that doesn't mean match can't lose our profiles lol. im certainly not interested in seeing other people. are we good?
me= i dont really understand anything you said but in my experience any long answer to a simple question usually isnt good.
him- =( im saying that i think it would be good to take down our profiles and i would like to continue seeing you and getting to know each other. so far everything has been awesome but jumping in the deep end after a few weeks of knowing someone has bitten me and countless others in the past.
me- i get that but it sounds like im your backup plan until someone better comes along. sounds like you are trying to keep your options open which means you just want something casual.
him- oh no thats not the case. i havent been looking at all and if i wanted something casual i would have had it with someone already!

I don't see this guy being a player at all. He works 50 hours a week and I don't see how he could juggle me and other women given as many times as we have seen each other. I know it has to be one of these things and could use input...

1. He likes me and still wants to see me and will delete his profile but if someone better comes along, I'm out of the picture
2. He likes me but wants to take it slow but shouldn't have asked me out as much as he did (making me believe he was serious)
3. Just isn't serious about wanting a relationship (despite him telling me that he does).

I know where coming from and I know what the rest of us here said to you. I just trying to see why you feel like this. You both are trying to hard. I am sure he knows many women on the dating online. But he has focus his attention to you. He wanted you to pull down your profile and he really needs to do that first. Then you do it. This way you know he has done it. But a word of caution! Does he have anymore profiles that your not aware of out there other than Match.com. So before doing anything like that he needs to come clean on that avenue.

You have every right to feel like you do your just don't know this guy long enough to trust every word he said. I see you worried and if that was a girl I would be also worried. It takes time to build a meaningful relationship.

You have learned a lot from us here, what to watch out for or the red flags. This one just be very careful before you get hurt. Just have to see how it goes with him. If you want this guy and he wants you so much. There is a way to tell if he really does. But I don't see what he has to text you so much why doesn't he just pick up his cell and call you instead. He's like just a text buddy or he's following a plan where you only use the cell phone to make dates and text instead. To me after a couple of dates there is no reason to follow such a plan. Should be able to call or text either one I prefer like you they should call on the phone. I've met women online who only want to text and some don't want to text or call one the cell. I say how the heck are we suppose to communicate then, dah?

Have you been to his place where he lives yet?

Do you know where he lives?

Do you know where he works?

Have you met his friends?

If he wants to go serious then he needs to make sure you are okay with it? He seems to be the one in the driver seat. Sure if you want that type but your just as aware of things happening too. You want to make sure it all going to work out the way you want. Not all about him it's about your needs have to be met.

I think he is just want to see what your going to do, and if you going to do what he had suggested for you do do. Pull the the profiles, but like I said he has to pull all of them down. If he's on Tinder, Meetme all the dating apps if he is on there too. Those need to be pulled down. He should show you his cell phone make sure there are no apps for dating on their. If he wants to go all serious with you. I don't see any harm in making sure that is the case.

Today we live in a world of social media everything kind of up in the air. Everyone said they're going to do so much but in the end no one trust each other to the extent to where you know what they really want. Most just want to hook-up, become sex buddy (no one wants that) these are not real relationships these are just quickies and one-night-stands. I don't want that myself.

I think you are onto something here we all just have to be patient and you just report back to us what's going on with you and this guy. You need to tell him you and him really need to talk about this in person and get off the texting for now. Have him over and make him a meal. Then site and talk. Best thing is when you do look into his eyes and grab his pulse wrist and make sure you don't grab it with your thumb. Then ask him the question you want see if you peak a reaction from him.

Just need to make sure he's telling you the truth. Again everyone has backups just in case of the date you have ever goes sour. Again you can check his sell phone if he allows to see how many backups he has on their. But the same might go for him to see how many you have if any.

He said something to the effect that if he wanted to he could have had some other relationship already with someone else to the effect. You had said that above in a way. You must have felt a bit of doubt there to make you type those 3 questions to us.

I say you need to be cautions with him, but date and see how well it goes. But he needs to call you on the cell. He could text you and be on the phone with another woman. If he has the right cell phone to do so. Anything can happen today. I have woman tells me she's in bed and text me just the words:

idk = I don't know

ok = to every thing I type (should be to texting or on the phone) or she's busy to other things int he house but she's said she was in bed. Or she could be playing a game on her phone. I trust her because I know where she at mentally. There but she's made the effort to text and call again. Downtime is over. We all tolerate so much more today then yesteryear gone by.

February 17, 2017

Oh! Well, you were right all along! Just like you knew you were. So now that you absolutely know he is lukewarm and just keeping you on the back burner awaiting a better piece or whatever, you can dump him. At least now you know, so that's a relief, anyway.

There is no way on earth that this guy could be in the non-majority percentage of some vague opinion poll and/or that you snapping at him and basically accusing him of being a lying user had anything to do with him now cooling off on getting together, so don't throw that away, definitely use it again the next time.

Good luck!

Sarcasm is the best when it's on the internet.

February 17, 2017

I know where coming from and I know what the rest of us here said to you. I just trying to see why you feel like this. You both are trying to hard. I am sure he knows many women on the dating online. But he has focus his attention to you. He wanted you to pull down your profile and he really needs to do that first. Then you do it. This way you know he has done it. But a word of caution! Does he have anymore profiles that your not aware of out there other than Match.com. So before doing anything like that he needs to come clean on that avenue.

You have every right to feel like you do your just don't know this guy long enough to trust every word he said. I see you worried and if that was a girl I would be also worried. It takes time to build a meaningful relationship.

You have learned a lot from us here, what to watch out for or the red flags. This one just be very careful before you get hurt. Just have to see how it goes with him. If you want this guy and he wants you so much. There is a way to tell if he really does. But I don't see what he has to text you so much why doesn't he just pick up his cell and call you instead. He's like just a text buddy or he's following a plan where you only use the cell phone to make dates and text instead. To me after a couple of dates there is no reason to follow such a plan. Should be able to call or text either one I prefer like you they should call on the phone. I've met women online who only want to text and some don't want to text or call one the cell. I say how the heck are we suppose to communicate then, dah?

Have you been to his place where he lives yet?
Do you know where he lives?
Do you know where he works?
Have you met his friends?

If he wants to go serious then he needs to make sure you are okay with it? He seems to be the one in the driver seat. Sure if you want that type but your just as aware of things happening too. You want to make sure it all going to work out the way you want. Not all about him it's about your needs have to be met.

I think he is just want to see what your going to do, and if you going to do what he had suggested for you do do. Pull the the profiles, but like I said he has to pull all of them down. If he's on Tinder, Meetme all the dating apps if he is on there too. Those need to be pulled down. He should show you his cell phone make sure there are no apps for dating on their. If he wants to go all serious with you. I don't see any harm in making sure that is the case.

Today we live in a world of social media everything kind of up in the air. Everyone said they're going to do so much but in the end no one trust each other to the extent to where you know what they really want. Most just want to hook-up, become sex buddy (no one wants that) these are not real relationships these are just quickies and one-night-stands. I don't want that myself.

I think you are onto something here we all just have to be patient and you just report back to us what's going on with you and this guy. You need to tell him you and him really need to talk about this in person and get off the texting for now. Have him over and make him a meal. Then site and talk. Best thing is when you do look into his eyes and grab his pulse wrist and make sure you don't grab it with your thumb. Then ask him the question you want see if you peak a reaction from him.

Just need to make sure he's telling you the truth. Again everyone has backups just in case of the date you have ever goes sour. Again you can check his sell phone if he allows to see how many backups he has on their. But the same might go for him to see how many you have if any.

He said something to the effect that if he wanted to he could have had some other relationship already with someone else to the effect. You had said that above in a way. You must have felt a bit of doubt there to make you type those 3 questions to us.

I say you need to be cautions with him, but date and see how well it goes. But he needs to call you on the cell. He could text you and be on the phone with another woman. If he has the right cell phone to do so. Anything can happen today. I have woman tells me she's in bed and text me just the words:

idk = I don't know
ok = to every thing I type (should be to texting or on the phone) or she's busy to other things int he house but she's said she was in bed. Or she could be playing a game on her phone. I trust her because I know where she at mentally. There but she's made the effort to text and call again. Downtime is over. We all tolerate so much more today then yesteryear gone by.

Yes to all of them but no I haven't met his friends. To be honest with boyfriends that I have had, it was rare when we would hang out with each other's friends. It wasn't like "let's all go out to dinner" kind of thing. More if someone was coming over a quick introduction but that was it.

I'm going to take the advice of some people and just "going with it" assuming we actually go out again (I think I did scare him). I typically don't have expectations from guys but mistakenly did with this one by the frequency of him seeing him and contacting me.

In any case the suggestions on here were appreciated. Just would have preferred several of the people on here to have been a bit more tactful in how they spoke, but I know it's a given for people on an online massage board to be judgmental.

February 17, 2017

Good choice. Go with your feels. Please let us know how it goes!

February 17, 2017

Just because you don't like the opinion doesn't mean it was not tactful.

You still think this guy is not interested? He told you THREE times he was and was willing to take his profile down. Wanting to go slow after 2 weeks shows he is in a healthy mindset for a relationship!

Anyone who wants to move quicker is probably not making the choice with a good head behind it.

He literally can not win with you. PLEASE look into yourself and why you refuse to see what's plain as day to everyone else except ONE poster.

February 17, 2017

I read it as this guy is interested in you too. The way I understood it, it was just him saying that he wants to slow things down a bit so things don't burn out but still wants to the focus to be on you.

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I cannot tell if he gave me double talk or not...

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