rickk Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Hi, I’m looking for some relationship advice, Last year I started dating a girl for about 6months, she then moved to the other side of the planet. Now I knew from the beginning she was planning on moving so that did not come as a shock, however seeing as how we both knew the situation, we had intended on it being a short lived thing. After she moved though we kept up daily contact, and decided to meet up after a couple of months for a holiday somewhere midway between us both for two weeks. We both had a great time and when we parted we both decided I should come out to visit her over Christmas which was three months away. Subsequently I booked my flights and in between us parting and me coming out there we had a small discussion that we should try to be pretty chill, but seeing as how we were both in daily contact happy about the situation we shouldn’t see other people during this time. However by the time that I came around to flying out she had become a little off with me, and the contact had slackened a bit. When I arrived it was a little awkward but I just put that down to being apart for so long. Then after me being there for three days I went on to her laptop whilst she was at work, now I’m not proud of myself here but when I opened her laptop, her facebook was logged in, and at that moment she was mid conversation with her best friend taking about how she wishes I wasn’t there and going in to detail about the different men she’d slept with over the past few months. I of course was pretty shocked and upset by this and decided at that moment to just leave. I packed my stuff, left her a note and spent the next three weeks of my holiday travelling around alone doing my own thing. In the last few days of my trip however I did end up speaking to her on the phone and we met up on my last day (probably not the wisest move I know). When we met we had a rather deep conversation where she was telling me how cut up about the whole situation she was and seemed genuinely sorry about it, and how she didn’t want to lose me from her life. We spent that night together and had as good a time as you can have given the situation. Since I left her again we had a few week window of no contact, and then went back to speaking almost daily, with the agreement that we should be casual about it. She’s coming here in a few months and we’ve planned to meet up for a few days during her stay. Now I feel that I should also add that my current plan is to go travelling for a few months later this year and end it in the same country where she now lives. We’ve also spoken a few times about trying to make things work once I’m out there. (I should add that she’s not the sole reason that I’m going out there). The questions I keep asking myself are, Can I go the next year being casual with a girl that I’m in love with and in all probability will talk to daily (even if it is over the phone/instant messenger)? And it is even healthy be thinking about a possible relationship with someone who betrayed so badly at the beginning? Any advice would be appreciated, Thanks
smackie9 Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 You are holding onto false hope if you think there will be a relationship out of this in the future. I suggest you drop her and find someone else if you are looking for love. To her, you are just one of the many she sleeps with, and by no means are you any kind of BF material to her. You are wasting your love on her. 1
Larryville Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 she had become a little off with me, and the contact had slackened a bit. When I arrived it was a little awkward but I just put that down to being apart for so long. Then after me being there for three days I went on to her laptop whilst she was at work… I don’t get people who do this crap is such a breach of trust I don’t care what you found. Can I go the next year being casual with a girl that I’m in love with and in all probability will talk to daily (even if it is over the phone/instant messenger)? In love with? she then moved to the other side of the planet about the different men she’d slept with over the past few months. Repeat... she then moved to the other side of the planet She is NOT in love with you…. Why bother? Even casually! And it is even healthy be thinking about a possible relationship with someone who betrayed so badly at the beginning? What!? she then moved to the other side of the planet Are folks just freaking desperate to “play” relationship that making some bogus proclamation of being in a relationship even though someone is thousands of miles away? I don’t get that. If you BOTH were in love that is one thing but clearly she wants to move on. Unnecessary life drama if you ask me. You are wasting your love on her. Absolutely! 3
Miss Spider Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 ^ agree. Trying to be "casual" when you love someone is a bad idea. You're stringing yourself along and setting yourself up for a bad time 2
winny Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 The fact that she slept with other men even after you guys discussed not to see anyone else is wrong. She is just stringing you along so you should break up with her. 1
winny Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Are folks just freaking desperate to “play” relationship that making some bogus proclamation of being in a relationship even though someone is thousands of miles away? I don’t get that. I have quite a few friends who have married after being in relationships like this. But there both of them were equally interested and making the relationship work by putting in as much effort needed. There was nothing casual about it. This case is different though coz she is sleeping around. 1
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