Girlfriend says she is suffering from anxiety, what do I do?

February 15, 2017

Hi There

So a bit of background and sorry for the long post. I have been going out with my girlfriend for around 1 month. She came on quite strong when we started talking, she knows I have been hurt in the past so reassured me she would never do that, said all the right things, was lovely. She lives close by, we both have lots in common, close to family, same values etc. I work Monday to Friday and she works the odd weekend, when we first met she was in most weekends so only saw her once a week for a few hours, dinner or something, or watching T.V at her place, which was fine as were in early stages of dating.

Out of the blue she said she wanted to make things official with me. I was a little shocked as was still quite early, but I thought you know what, I really like this girl, she seems together and stable, why not, I felt quite lucky to be honest.

Last Friday was the 1st real quality time we got to spend together, went well. We had plans for Saturday but had to cancel as she said she was ill. Yesterday was Valentines day and we had plans, she text to cancel saying she was suffering from anxiety and didn’t want to see anyone. She said its nothing to do with me, and that in the future there will be a time when she feels comfortable enough around me she will want me there, but we don't know each well enough for that. She has said I might see her this week but I doubt I will. I was more than happy to go along with just dating, and was just going with the flow. She mentioned all these future plans and how exciting it is, and how she is in it for the long term. Now its plans cancelled and all very quiet.

So I have this girl I really like, who came on so strong, initiated the relationship, now cancelling plans quite a lot but saying its nothing to do with me, its her going through some stuff. I have said I will be there for her if she needs me, but I am concerned I am just never going to see her. Is my niceness getting taken advantage of? She is close to her family, as I am to mine, but I just feel like there is no room for me at the moment, and questioning why she wanted a relationship? I really am unsure how to approach this?

February 15, 2017

It seems to me that she has simply changed her mind, but doesn't really have the guts to tell you.

I would give it a bit more time, if she cancels again or isn't keen to meet up with you then I would break it off.

In the early stages of dating you are both supposed to be really excited to see each other! If you're not, or she's not, then something is not right and the relationship won't last.

February 15, 2017

She may very well have anxiety & the thought of Valentine's Day with all it's pressures upset her.

This has little to do with you.

You can take her at her word & continue as you have been. You can end things because you didn't like the way you were treated.

It's only been 1 month. You have no meaningful obligations here other than being clear & honest, meaning if you are breaking up with her you need to speak up. Don't blame her. Don't shame her. Just end it.

February 15, 2017

She probably felt pressured about the valentine day. Since you guys are still new, the day triggered it. Relax and continue as if nothing changed. That is , if you want to.

February 15, 2017

It seems to me that she has simply changed her mind, but doesn't really have the guts to tell you.

Why PNP is correct?

I have been going out with my girlfriend for around 1 month.

She came on quite strong when we started talking,

I work Monday to Friday and she works the odd weekend

so only saw her once a week for a few hours,

Out of the blue she said she wanted to make things official with me.

We had plans for Saturday but had to cancel as she said she was ill.

Yesterday was Valentines day and we had plans, she text to cancel saying she was suffering from anxiety WTF!?

She said its nothing to do with me,

She has said I might see her this week but I doubt I will.

Now its plans cancelled and all very quiet.

This is a fragmented mess and a waste of both your times to continue.

You guys a just not connected in more ways than one.

February 15, 2017

Is she medicated? If not than don't bother dating her. You'll just go from frustrations to frustrations.

February 15, 2017

Hi, I'm sorry that your girlfriend is sending you mixed messages. Maybe instead of making anymore plans to go out you should focus on simply communicating with her over the phone so you can get a clearer view of what the anxiety is all about. That way you can see if want to go further or simply keep the relationship on a friendship level. If her anxiety is constant you may want to suggest that she seek professional counseling. I hope it works out.

February 16, 2017

Thanks for the responses everyone. I guess I was just a bit shocked as there were no clues anything like this would happen. When we have been together it's been great, and the communication has always been clear.

What I am struggling with is the fact she seemed so keen to be in a relationship, when she must have known she suffers from anxiety. I would have had no problem in taking things slow but she wanted to be exclusive. She continually says its not me and if it was she would say. I am just going to hope its been a rough week and she can get back to how she was.

February 16, 2017

Maybe she didn't have it before and something triggered it and she herself doesn't know how to deal with it ? If you see yourself with her , I would highly advise you to be supportive and be there for her for real without expectations. Last thing she needs is confrontation from you !

We all have issues. Some tell the entire world while some internalize. Those who internalize, sometimes take longer to heal. They have learnt to soothe themselves.

February 16, 2017

Why PNP is correct?
This is a fragmented mess and a waste of both your times to continue.
You guys a just not connected in more ways than one.

This actually kind of typical behaviour for someone with anxiety. People with anxiety often cancel plans at the last minute.

Before you get involved with her, think about it. Make sure she is getting treatment (whether you stick around or not, I really hope she does)

This will not go away in a few weeks/months. This is something she will have to deal with most of, probably all her life and if you choose to be her partner, you are going to have to be more understanding in some situations and let it go (ie, last minute cancellations).

I've been dealing with anxiety for over 20 years and it now mostly under control now but in the last 10 years I've taken three sick leaves because the anxiety was so high I could not function at school or work.

I've lost two relationships in my early twenties because it was new, the guys didn't know what I was dealing with and I wouldn't tell them so they interpreted my behaviour the same way people on this thread are. One actually thought I was cheating on him with a friend (which, btw I wasn't)

If you choose to date her, she needs to know it is ok for her to tell you her anxiety is flaring up and that she can tell you what her needs are. One of the worse things about anxiety is fearing people will abandon us when they find out.

Some people with anxiety feel safe at home so check if maybe you can spend some time with her at her house?

You can see this as any other medical condition a partner would have. My boyfriend is diabetic. This comes with a lot of stuff I would not have to deal with with a non-diabetic and not all of them are super fun to deal with...but I signed up for it knowing what I was getting into.

Regular meditation helped me a lot so if you choose to stick around, try to get her to try? There are tons of free apps that have plenty of content before you need to register and pay.

I hear yoga works wonders too.

Woah sorry for the novel.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

February 16, 2017

This actually kind of typical behaviour for someone with anxiety. People with anxiety often cancel plans at the last minute.

Before you get involved with her, think about it. Make sure she is getting treatment (whether you stick around or not, I really hope she does)

This will not go away in a few weeks/months. This is something she will have to deal with most of, probably all her life and if you choose to be her partner, you are going to have to be more understanding in some situations and let it go (ie, last minute cancellations).
I've been dealing with anxiety for over 20 years and it now mostly under control now but in the last 10 years I've taken three sick leaves because the anxiety was so high I could not function at school or work.

I've lost two relationships in my early twenties because it was new, the guys didn't know what I was dealing with and I wouldn't tell them so they interpreted my behaviour the same way people on this thread are. One actually thought I was cheating on him with a friend (which, btw I wasn't)

If you choose to date her, she needs to know it is ok for her to tell you her anxiety is flaring up and that she can tell you what her needs are. One of the worse things about anxiety is fearing people will abandon us when they find out.
Some people with anxiety feel safe at home so check if maybe you can spend some time with her at her house?

You can see this as any other medical condition a partner would have. My boyfriend is diabetic. This comes with a lot of stuff I would not have to deal with with a non-diabetic and not all of them are super fun to deal with...but I signed up for it knowing what I was getting into.

Regular meditation helped me a lot so if you choose to stick around, try to get her to try? There are tons of free apps that have plenty of content before you need to register and pay.
I hear yoga works wonders too.

Woah sorry for the novel.
If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Thanks a lot Gore SP that is really helpful. I have tried to make it as clear as possible that I will be there for her, and encouraged her to tell me if anything crops up. She messaged me before saying she is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow, I am going to her house so hopefully it goes well.

I am not the type of guy to be pushy, and I am more than willing to waiting around and be patient and understanding of her condition. Just hope I am not being taken for a ride but from how she is I highly doubt it.

February 16, 2017

Thanks a lot Gore SP that is really helpful. I have tried to make it as clear as possible that I will be there for her, and encouraged her to tell me if anything crops up. She messaged me before saying she is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow, I am going to her house so hopefully it goes well.

I am not the type of guy to be pushy, and I am more than willing to waiting around and be patient and understanding of her condition. Just hope I am not being taken for a ride but from how she is I highly doubt it.

Good on you. I hope things work out.

There is always a chance she is using anxiety to ride you along, but honestly, I really doubt it. You won't know for sure until you give it a shot.

February 17, 2017

Hi There

So a bit of background and sorry for the long post. I have been going out with my girlfriend for around 1 month. She came on quite strong when we started talking, she knows I have been hurt in the past so reassured me she would never do that, said all the right things, was lovely. She lives close by, we both have lots in common, close to family, same values etc. I work Monday to Friday and she works the odd weekend, when we first met she was in most weekends so only saw her once a week for a few hours, dinner or something, or watching T.V at her place, which was fine as were in early stages of dating.

Out of the blue she said she wanted to make things official with me. I was a little shocked as was still quite early, but I thought you know what, I really like this girl, she seems together and stable, why not, I felt quite lucky to be honest.

Last Friday was the 1st real quality time we got to spend together, went well. We had plans for Saturday but had to cancel as she said she was ill. Yesterday was Valentines day and we had plans, she text to cancel saying she was suffering from anxiety and didn’t want to see anyone. She said its nothing to do with me, and that in the future there will be a time when she feels comfortable enough around me she will want me there, but we don't know each well enough for that. She has said I might see her this week but I doubt I will. I was more than happy to go along with just dating, and was just going with the flow. She mentioned all these future plans and how exciting it is, and how she is in it for the long term. Now its plans cancelled and all very quiet.

So I have this girl I really like, who came on so strong, initiated the relationship, now cancelling plans quite a lot but saying its nothing to do with me, its her going through some stuff. I have said I will be there for her if she needs me, but I am concerned I am just never going to see her. Is my niceness getting taken advantage of? She is close to her family, as I am to mine, but I just feel like there is no room for me at the moment, and questioning why she wanted a relationship? I really am unsure how to approach this?

Read up on anxiety disorders before you assume stuff about her.

If you like her and want to just see how things go, slow things down and let her know that you're there as a friend first, no pressure.

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Girlfriend says she is suffering from anxiety, what do I do?

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