Want to ask a girl out, but is our age difference weird or ok?

[sealegs]

So I met a girl in a college class (we were actually in a few classes together before and never talked) but we started to recently. Still trying to get a read on how she feels about me, but I’m really into her and we talk a lot between and during classes. She also approached me to talk in the hall waiting for class to start the first time we talked. Problem is, there is I guess kind of a big age difference, which I know is a relative thing, but I am 28 and she is 21. Would this be too big of an age gap for most women? She knows my age so it at least wouldn’t be a surprise.

Basically I want some opinions on if it’s likely she will think it’s weird or whatever if I ask her out? And yes, I know that I end up sounding like a bit of a trainwreck when I really get into a girl lol, so thanks for the insights!

[basil67]

I think it's Ok to ask her out. But as you get to know her, make sure to dig deeper and see if your life stages are compatible.

[duncsvoice]

I'm just about to turn 32 and my partner is 23...I initially thought the age difference would be too great, but as Basil said we're at the same life stages so it's going well so far. No harm in trying, go for it!

[Curious1112]

well I know of cases where there is more than 10 years of age gap. In your case I would try to ask her out

[hercules22]

its all personal preference for me my limit 4 years younger or older

[d0nnivain]

Age can be a factor but many women date older men. Here I think the age gap is not as significant because you are in the same place in life. If you were a 28 year old young executive out in the world with a full time job, no I don't think you could date a college student but since you are one too in this instance I think it may be OK.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I think it's fine; actually it's the same age gap between my husband and I (we met at 24/31). Just keep in mind that a 21 year old might have a pretty drastically different lifestyle and set of priorities than someone several years older. I had no desire for a relationship at age 21, but of course, I don't speak for all women. No harm in asking her out.

[sealegs]

Lots of good points. Being at the same stage in life makes sense and does seem like a better way to gauge things. Seems like we are compatible when it comes to that.

 

I think I am just at the point where I am over thinking everything because I am really into her, but all of your points are a good way to think about it and good to hear some of your experiences

[sealegs]

I think it's fine; actually it's the same age gap between my husband and I (we met at 24/31). Just keep in mind that a 21 year old might have a pretty drastically different lifestyle and set of priorities than someone several years older. I had no desire for a relationship at age 21, but of course, I don't speak for all women. No harm in asking her out.

 

I like to come into relationships pretty open to what might happen, but do you think this is something I should really dig and try to find out what she is feeling in terms of relationships, or do you think it makes more sense to ask her out and take it from there?

[d0nnivain]

You don't need to know her thoughts on relationships or any other subject for that matter to ask her out on 1 date. You like her. Get to know her. See what happens from there. She may be different on a date. You may find out the age gap is too much. You may find you're perfect for each other after spending more time together.

 

 

Right now you are committing to ask with the understanding that you will spend about 4 hours together if she says yes. Don't over think this.

[sealegs]

You don't need to know her thoughts on relationships or any other subject for that matter to ask her out on 1 date. You like her. Get to know her. See what happens from there. She may be different on a date. You may find out the age gap is too much. You may find you're perfect for each other after spending more time together.

 

 

Right now you are committing to ask with the understanding that you will spend about 4 hours together if she says yes. Don't over think this.

 

True, true. I think it's safe to say I am probably massively over thinking it all. Good point that things will change/become clearer as we hang out and it will go how it goes.

 

Now to work up the courage, lol. Not usually so nervous, but maybe I always am and just don't realize it. But anyway, thanks for the reply. I think slowing down my mind and not over thinking it is great advice.

[preraph]

It isn't necessarily too big a gap because of the ages being in the 20s, but it's a personal thing. Like when I was about 27, I remember thinking this 30-year-old couple was ancient because they were all settled down and mature and a lot different from me and my friends even though it was just a few years' difference. So it depends on both you and her maturity levels and also generational timing was very important for me. Some people though close in age can be from a different generation and seem too different. The more you have in common (favorite pastimes, bands, etc.) the less difference it should make. But also the experience difference can be either narrow or wide. If she's a sheltered 21 yr old and you're more independent and done it all, that could be too much of a gap for both of you.

[normal person]

The age probably isn't a huge issue as long as you're both cool with it (at 21 she's still got a lot of maturing to do mentally, as all people do at that age), so that might drive you nuts as it did to me the few times I did this.

 

Lots of women like dating older men, but usually because they're more distinguished and successful. So you might have a hurdle seeing as how you're 28 and still in school. She might care, she might not. Best of luck.

[sealegs]

Preraph good points. Seems like we have a decent amount of things in common and she is definitely more the independent type, which I like and is part of why I find her attractive. Like I said I normally date women around my same age, pretty much for that reason, but she is definitely mature and independent. I think we are about on the same ground in that area, but still not acting ancient like that couple in their 30s. lol

[sealegs]

The age probably isn't a huge issue as long as you're both cool with it (at 21 she's still got a lot of maturing to do mentally, as all people do at that age), so that might drive you nuts as it did to me the few times I did this.

 

Lots of women like dating older men, but usually because they're more distinguished and successful. So you might have a hurdle seeing as how you're 28 and still in school. She might care, she might not. Best of luck.

 

Thanks. Definitely seems hard to pin down how age comes into play, which I guess is why I am over thinking it. I work and go to school so maybe I am the best of both worlds haha. I guess I will get a better read on everything as I get to know her better, but I appreciate the input.