jamili Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 You keep saying that "bitter" people here are just projecting their own situation onto the OP or other people starting threads like this. But you're also projecting and justifying waiting in the wings and gobbling up breadcrumbs because that's what you are doing with your own expired relationship. I'll ask again: Did you read the OP's other threads about this relationship? If so, I'm genuinely curious as to why you think he should leave a door open for this woman. Ignoring the breadcrumbs isnt easy, i wont lie to you. As you pointed out, im getting breadcrumbs now myself and choosing not to block, so im giving my subjective opinion, true. But before making the decision to not block, i stepped back and looked atit objectively. Im a grown man. I can look at the breadcrumbs, and resist the urge to respond to them, all while building my self control and inner strength. That's a win for me. And if she someday wants to reconcile, ill see it if its not blocked. Thats another win for me! Win/win. If i block, I'm giving in to weakness. Im admitting to myself that my self control is so bad, that i am unable to resist responding to random meaningless messages from an ex... and instead of doing something to change that weakness and work on building self discipline... i hide from it so i dont have to. And then tell myself some "comforting" lie that she will come knocking on my door someday if she really wants to reconcile? Look man, i know you dont think he should ever get back with his ex. But does he think that? Shes am alcoholic you say. So that's it? Alcoholic forever then? No one on earth has ever conquered alcoholism? Cmon man... if you never want to date anyone who ever had a problem ever in their lives... then enjoy being alone forever. Everyone has problems. Many people overcome them. Give her some credit and let her the opportunity to fix herseld before writing her off forever.
Blanco Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Look man, i know you dont think he should ever get back with his ex. But does he think that? Shes am alcoholic you say. So that's it? Alcoholic forever then? No one on earth has ever conquered alcoholism? Cmon man... if you never want to date anyone who ever had a problem ever in their lives... then enjoy being alone forever. Everyone has problems. Many people overcome them. Give her some credit and let her the opportunity to fix herseld before writing her off forever. She also lives a thousand miles away from him. She also, from what I can tell, doesn't seem to think she has a drinking problem. I'm not naive and understand everyone has their issues. I've also been through enough to know that this understanding is not an excuse to continually ignore red flags. Accepting that everyone has issues doesn't mean you don't need to have no boundaries. Again, go read his threads about this woman. It does not sound like it was ever a healthy relationship. Once more, it just seems like you're allowing your own desire to reunite with your ex influence your advice to others and encouraging hanging on to relationships that should probably be let go.
Blanco Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 One more thing: How old are you? I know you think people speaking out against reconciliation are just bitter and angry. But I've been around here long enough to know that it's usually not hard to differentiate between people who are bitter and people who have learned and grown from situations similar to the ones they are now offering their insights on.
Tusks_n_Raider Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 So then just unfollow them or unfriend them. Sure you could always be tempted and go on their profile, but you could unblock them and still do that anyway. Whatever makes life easier for you, tho. Just unfollowing or unfriending doesn't help very much when you both have several mutual friends on social media. You will still see a good bit of stuff. You have to block to not see anything. As for blocking in general. I'm not saying everyone has to leave NO lines open. But for me it was best to block at least the channels that are the most bothersome. I blocked my Ex 3 weeks ago on FB, Instagram, and Twitter so I didn't have to see her daily activity but DID NOT block her on my email or phone. So I left her two easy channels open. Surprisingly after 3 weeks of NC she texted me last night. It was breadcrumbs that I'm sorry to admit I fell for and gave her a reply. Now I wish I hadn't but hey lesson learned right? Any way I'm still not going to block her on my phone or email but I'm not answering anything else from her unless it's a 180 apology/attempt for reconciliation. IF she does hit me with breadcrumbs to the point it's annoying and I suspect she's just looking for an ego stroke all the time I will block her on my phone. But I'm not going to unblock her on social media. I don't want to see what she's up to. That's for myself. So I can heal and not be jealous and hurt further. I guess this is different for everyone as far as what you deem is appropriate in terms of how many lines of communication you cut off. Leaving every possible channel open I could not do. It's too tempting to see what they are doing and be made miserable by it. So Blocking has helped me immensely.
ashleywillingham Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I can understand the two different perspectives on this, and I think people should ultimately do what feels right for them and what they can / want to handle. But I will say that I am with the person who says don't block and to stop demonizing exes. Making them the bad guy who hurt you just reinforces to yourself and to them that you're weak and pathetic. I feel pretty strongly that people who get their exes back somewhere along the line are those who know the virtue of patience. This does not mean every person gets their ex back, but those who do were patient. I've had several past relationships in which I saw the person I was still in love with (or into) with another person. It's not going to kill you. It sometimes even works wonders to make you less in love. When your ex is single, no matter what they say or how they don't contact you, you still feel sort of 'in love' because you build up some sort of idea that they still love you. Seeing them with someone else is usually a big turn-off to me. It hurts the ego, yes, but it is also a big time turn-off. So basically, don't be so averse to the idea of seeing them with someone else. Have confidence in yourself that the other person is not better than you. Anyway, going back to getting exes back. It can pay to be patient. The problem is that people get these timelines in their mind. He didn't contact by three months. She didn't contact by six months. Honestly, sometimes it can take a lot longer than those time frames. When you block it makes you look like you were emotionally hurt -- and you may think 'well who cares what they think'. What they think matters in terms of your chances of getting them back. Emotional strength is immensely attractive. I think it's important to have confidence in yourself even in the wake of rejection. It's a way of turning the tables on your ex. If you behave with confidence and like you are not terribly affected (I mean, don't be obnoxious but at least go on with your life without pouting about the breakup), it almost negates that you were the dumpee. After some time passes in which you *didn't* act sad and feel the need to block them because you couldn't handle the emotional pain, it becomes like...they were the one to end the relationship but that's it. Not that they broke your heart or they hurt you, but they just happened to be the one to end the relationship. 2
marky00 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) If you're in a different country, and your GF has to travel wherever illegally, then, and I mean this in all seriousness, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? U totally missed my point. I meant that since we are broken up, I can't get her a visa so the only way for her to come is illegally. When we were together, she came legally on every occasion. Also, it's up to the individual if they want to keep a door open or not. I wasn't saying it's a good or bad idea. It's just that people on here say u go about your life and if an ex kicks your door down, deal with it then. I was simply pointing out that if its an LDR (different countries) and you then resort to blocking, you have deadlocked that door pretty good, no chance of anyone kicking it down. Why are u so scared of a meeting with an Ex? My ex did some bad crap but over time I feel a lot better and have forgiven her on some level. I knew her for 10 years and even though she dumped me, I still hope she is ok etc (I guess it just the man in me being strong and taking the high road). If your healed, I just don't get why you feel the need to run away from someone or care what they think about you or worry they will hurt you if you allow them anywhere near you. If my ex came too my door, I could handle it fine since I have grieved properly (I am even ok when I check out her social media). I am one to feel the pain and I have a very large pain threshold so I allow myself to feel it even more than most. What about you? Would you go with the flow (since I assume you are indifferent) or would you throw the LS textbook at them because that is just what you do? Edited February 16, 2017 by marky00
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