poindimie Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 I realise that some people use abstinence as a means to feel like they control their lives. It shows they have conviction and ethics they are willing to forgo basic desires in order to gain fulfillment. However, do you think its fair in a long term relationship where one person is celibate and the other does not wish to be so? I personally think that although a person may find personal fulfillment, it can be very damaging for a relationship to deny and withhold the emotional and physical closeness that can only be gained by intimacy from the other partner. I'm in one such realtionship, and before now I thought of celibacy or waiting for marriage as a rather noble (although not often obtainable ) ideal. However, after expieriencing what I am now, I now just feel like my needs aren't being considered, and that there is a huge wall and distance between us. Yet I can't leave, as I am in love with this person. I just feel very alone when I shouldn't feel that way. Does anyone else have any expirience in the matter?
loony Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 If you're seeking for approval that you're right and she's wrong, you won't get it here. If you entered this relationship knowing that she would want to wait, but now you've realized that it's not the right thing to you. Your choice is to accept it or to move on, but I don't think you have the right to criticize her for her convictions. If she's not suffering from the lack of intimacy as you do, she just doesn't and you can't force her to feel different about it. You won't achieve much by telling her that she should feel different about it, you knew how she felt when you starting dating her. I think it's sad when you're in love with someone and realize that they have different values than yourself. I'm not sure if opposing beliefs can be ever be reconciled, it may have been better to figure this out before you start to invest emotions, but hindsight is 20/20... I'm sorry for you.
Devildog Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Hey loony, why do you assume the original poster is a guy trying to pressure his girlfriend? There was no mention of gender in the post. It could be a girl who is dating a guy that wants to wait.
d'Arthez Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Black Mage (I love the series) Devildog, OP stated gender in his profile, and we may assume that that information is true.
loony Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Yes, I checked his profile. And even if the genders were reverse it wouldn't have changed my opinion about the situation.
Rosalind Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 From his previous posts, it appears they are of the same gender...not that there's anything wrong with that.
loony Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by Rosalind From his previous posts, it appears they are of the same gender...not that there's anything wrong with that. Oops, there are just not so many same-sex couples here, it didn't even occur to me that his partner might be a man.
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