Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Go through years and years of therapy and stick with it...they can help you be attracted to 'pears' like they help people who are attracted to weird things like tables. It rarely ever works and I don't believe it's ever 100% , by it can help Or just find someone else on the dating site
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) It's ok to not to be attracted to someone. The concept of a guy having to convince himself or overlook things to find me physically attractive is repulsive to me. Attraction is too convoluted to rationalize it. It's starts very early, arguably in the womb. You can condition yourself or convince yourself to find things attractive, but why. There are other people out there. But you are aware that most men will have to overlook one aspect or another in a possible spouse? At the end we cannot sculpt a perfect match, and will have to deal with a real person, and that person will have flaws. For me there were always things I discounted because I loved the woman I was with. The question for me is rather on whether this situation is truly a deal breaker for the OP or simply something he didn't expect. A recent date of mine told me: "You know, you really don't look like my type at all. But after the second date I really didn't care." I very much appreciated her honesty and openness in that regard, even though it implied that she didn't like my looks that much. Edited February 17, 2017 by CptInsano 1
OatsAndHall Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 It's OLD and people need to get over this kind of sh-t. I'm a power-lifter and Highlands Game competitor. I'm 5'10'' and just a hair under 200lbs. I have a big a-- and big thighs from squatting and dead lifting. So, I buy pants that are a size too big in order to be comfortable. My full body pics are of me in these pants and some women have been put off by this fact. Now, what do they want me to do? Throw on some Kardashian jeans and have a buddy take a picture of my rear? I went out on a date with a gal who didn't have a very good full body pic up but she was pleasant and intelligent and we went out on a date. She was extremely overweight and I don't find that attractive. The date was fine, we had good conversation but I passed on a second one because I wasn't attracted to her. I didn't tell her it was because she was "mis-representing herself" or because she was overweight; I'm not a tool. I just told her that I didn't think it would work between us and wished her luck. This is the world of dating. If a woman doesn't like my legs and a--, then so be it. I don't care. I don't view them as shallow, they're just not attracted to me. They like smaller guys and that's fine.
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 But you are aware that most men will have to overlook one aspect or another in a possible spouse? At the end we cannot sculpt a perfect match, and will have to deal with a real person, and that person will have flaws. For me there were always things I discounted because I loved the woman I was with. The question for me is rather on whether this situation is truly a deal breaker for the OP or simply something he didn't expect. I don't think it's a deal breaker. I once dated a chick who had some pretty bad acne scars on her face. It kind of bothered me initially, but ultimately I didn't give a **** because she was a blast to hang out with. We had the most amazing sex I've ever had. Unfortunately, this did surprise me. Sorry I don't get to handsy on the first few dates for all of you hating on me. How do you suggest I overlook one aspect or another CptInsano? Try to focus on the positivess? Try to be understanding of another's desire to conceal things they may not love about themselves?
TheTraveler Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Let me ask the question a different way. Would you still date someone if there was one physical quality about them that was less than ideal/somewhat unattractive, especially if the person had other redeeming qualities? In the age of endless option online dating, I find it hard to know when to stop searching and appreciate what I have, as we all have our imperfections. Me? Probably not. If there's something physically unattractive at the beginning of dating someone I'd bail 2
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 How do you suggest I overlook one aspect or another CptInsano? Try to focus on the positivess? Try to be understanding of another's desire to conceal things they may not love about themselves? Focus on how she makes you feel. If you can't wait to see her again, are happy when you are with her, and see her clearly as more than a friend, then the details don't matter, very similar to your story about the girl with the acne scars.
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 But you are aware that most men will have to overlook one aspect or another in a possible spouse? At the end we cannot sculpt a perfect match, and will have to deal with a real person, and that person will have flaws. For me there were always things I discounted because I loved the woman I was with. The question for me is rather on whether this situation is truly a deal breaker for the OP or simply something he didn't expect. A recent date of mine told me: "You know, you really don't look like my type at all. But after the second date I really didn't care." I very much appreciated her honesty and openness in that regard, even though it implied that she didn't like my looks that much. I do not agree that most men have to do that. Some, maybe, but not most. I think most are completely attracted to the people they pick for ltr. People who are in ltr do change overtime and attraction can be lost if that change is drastic enough. In that case depending on the investment, I'd say work on it, but not at the beginning of dating. There is no reason you can't be with someone you're not completely physically attracted to That does not mean the person has to have a perfect body, but you should be perfectly attracted to it and not questioning that attraction. 1
smackie9 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 You are attracted to what you are attracted to. Who cares what others think, use you own discretion without guilt. Dealbreakers are in the eye of the beholder.....
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I do not agree that most men have to do that. Some, maybe, but not most. I would say it's the majority of people, at least after infatuation's initial hormonal rush wears off. I've heard wifes of 20 years say that they don't like bald men, and their husbands were completely bald, even in the wedding pictures. Yet I can see why they are happily married, and that has something to do with more than just the appearance of their spouse. They are perfectly attracted to their husbands, but aspects beyond the physical played a very strong role in that attraction. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 It's OLD and people need to get over this kind of sh-t. I'm a power-lifter and Highlands Game competitor. I'm 5'10'' and just a hair under 200lbs. I have a big a-- and big thighs from squatting and dead lifting. So, I buy pants that are a size too big in order to be comfortable. My full body pics are of me in these pants and some women have been put off by this fact. Now, what do they want me to do? Throw on some Kardashian jeans and have a buddy take a picture of my rear? I went out on a date with a gal who didn't have a very good full body pic up but she was pleasant and intelligent and we went out on a date. She was extremely overweight and I don't find that attractive. The date was fine, we had good conversation but I passed on a second one because I wasn't attracted to her. I didn't tell her it was because she was "mis-representing herself" or because she was overweight; I'm not a tool. I just told her that I didn't think it would work between us and wished her luck. This is the world of dating. If a woman doesn't like my legs and a--, then so be it. I don't care. I don't view them as shallow, they're just not attracted to me. They like smaller guys and that's fine. This, too, is personal preference. I am turned off by a bodybuilder-style body. Who knows why. It wouldn't matter whether the reason his butt looked big was because he lifted or because he was overweight - that actually wouldn't even be part of the equation, the butt itself looking big. But the whole "lifting" thing is a turnoff for me. So you're right. If we're not attracted, we're not. And the OP isn't, so he needs to move along.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I don't think it's a deal breaker. I once dated a chick who had some pretty bad acne scars on her face. It kind of bothered me initially, but ultimately I didn't give a **** because she was a blast to hang out with. We had the most amazing sex I've ever had. Unfortunately, this did surprise me. Sorry I don't get to handsy on the first few dates for all of you hating on me. How do you suggest I overlook one aspect or another CptInsano? Try to focus on the positivess? Try to be understanding of another's desire to conceal things they may not love about themselves? Who's hating on you? Pointing out that you really should have noticed before four dates isn't hating. That's just an assumption that you have eyes. As for hating on you for your preferences, has anybody done that? I think one woman made a reference to you wanting "skinny" girls, although you yourself had already said so. So...???? Just don't go out with her again. Is this hard? It can't possibly be. Just find someone else instead. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I see quite a difference between being married and in love for 20 years and overlooking things you aren't attracted to vs. beginning a relationship with someone you aren't that attracted to. Call attraction "infatuation", but to a lot of people it's the distinction between romantic and platonic love. If you have to "reframe"your thought process (as op put it) to find someone physically attractive at the early stage, it kind of seems like you want the romantic relationship more than you want a romantic relationship with that individual. So you're training yourself to see them differently. I don't think that's very fair to the person. Especially if your little experiment doesn't work out
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 I see quite a difference between being married and in love for 20 years and overlooking things you aren't attracted to vs. beginning a relationship with someone you aren't that attracted to. Call attraction "infatuation", but to a lot of people it's the distinction between romantic and platonic love. If you have to "reframe"your thought process (as op put it) to find someone physically attractive at the early stage, it kind of seems like you want the romantic relationship more than you want a romantic relationship with that individual. So you're training yourself to see them differently. I don't think that's very fair to the person. Especially if your little experiment doesn't work out I made too big a deal about this. If I had met this woman in a bar, at a party, or through a mutual friend, I still would have asked her out because I like her personality and she is attractive enough. I'm not repulsed by her as some of you may be thinking. I was just surprised and it made me question things. I definitely want to keep seeing her. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) Hopefully you can overcome her big butt. best of luck, op! Edited February 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
TheTraveler Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Hopefully you can overcome her big butt. best of luck, op! I laughed:lmao:
Lilyana76 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I've heard they are great to grab onto during sex.. like handles... so hang on and see how it goes? If you really can't get over it, find someone with a smaller one. Best of luck. 1
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I've heard they are great to grab onto during sex.. like handles... Thanks for that lovely thought. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) Hopefully you can overcome her big butt. best of luck, op! Honestly, I wouldn't think of this as an experiment as someone suggested. I think it's more of an adventure. How would you know if you like chocolate if you've only had vanilla ice cream? My last gf was pencil thin and tall, which definitely comes with some unattractive features. She was also a terrible lover, partially why we had to break up. In the end, physical attraction is about being turned on and having sex, right? The odd thing is a perfect body definitely doesn't guarantee good sex. I went out with a girl a few times once because she had a great personality, but I had to break it off with her because she just wasn't attractive at all to me. This is not the case here. I was disappointed she seemed to go to such great lengths to conceal a butt/thighs. I watched documentary about what makes people happy recently. It turns out humans are terrible predictors about what will make then happy. Obviously, I wouldn't be single if my previous preferences were ideal, so why not try something new? I guess that's why I kind of want to see some other women besides her, even though things are going well. Edited February 17, 2017 by ExposedBrick
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