Am I shallow or do I have a right to be annoyed?

[joseb]

Maybe you watched Seinfeld one too many times.

 

 

I think you are right

[GunslingerRoland]

It's actually probably not an excessively big butt. It's probably normal but my two long term gf's were very lean, so it may seem bigger than normal to me.

 

I do feel like when I first start dating someone I have had this unusual problem where I fixate on one less than ideal trait, but later accept it as I form an emotional bond with the person. I don't get why this happens with me.

 

I did used to be overweight as a child, but worked hard to become fit at age 16, overcoming a lack of family support. I can't help but wonder if this has, in a very unusual way, made me more critics of body types.

 

Well I think it's odd then if you are annoyed that she hid her butt, when she probably wasn't at all.

 

I think you are fixating.

 

Again, you like what you like. But if you are turned off by women with an average figure, it'll limit your dating chances.

[ExposedBrick]

Well I think it's odd then if you are annoyed that she hid her butt, when she probably wasn't at all.

 

I think you are fixating.

 

Again, you like what you like. But if you are turned off by women with an average figure, it'll limit your dating chances.

 

Thinking back, most of the women I dated were very thin. I don't have much experience at all in this department. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise...

[Whodatdog]

For all you know, she might be concerned about your small.....uh.......hands.

[hippychick3]

I would like to know how big this butt is.

 

I have a big butt too, but like full and round and the kind people pay money for. I'm thin though. Is she looking good everywhere else? Is the butt so big it flattens?

 

I'm built this way too, and my bf loves it (although I lost weight recently and he's disappointed I lost some in the butt area as well).

 

OP, I suggest you allow some other man to appreciate her "assets" since you do not. She deserves better!

[KBob]

Maybe you watched Seinfeld one too many times.

 

Instead of man hands it's big butts.

[What_Did_I_Do]

Instead of man hands it's big butts.

 

 

Hope her name doesn't rhyme with a woman's body part

 

"Hiding" her butt is what we women do to accentuate our favourite features and not draw attention to those....less favourite parts.

 

If the bigger booty isn't your thing, then gently move on.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Honestly, women can't win with any "prominent" body part. If we wear form-fitting clothes, we are obviously just showing off, duh, or "in your face" or are you-know-whats-starts-with-an-S (or W); if we wear flowing clothing we're deliberately committing visual fraud on a date. OTOH, if we're independently wealthy, can shop the upscale department stores and then personally get tailored for EXACTLY the somehow acceptable fitted-but-not-too-fitted-but-not-too-little-fitted look, well THEN we've done it right, yay. Sure, no problem.

 

People wear what they wear. Get over it.

 

If you don't like her butt and it's a deal-breaker then move on.

[OnlyHonesty]

How in the world did she conceal the size of her butt for three dates?

 

 

Maybe she was always sitting down.

 

1st date ''Can I walk you to your car?'' ''No, I'll just sit here thanks''

 

2nd date ''Would you like to go for a walk in the moonlight?'' ''No, I'll just sit here thanks''

 

3rd date....

[phineas]

She deliberately wore some clothing that fit looser around her lower body so it wasn't really possible to observe the size and shape. Some dresses and long loose fitting tops do an excellent job of concealing those big butts. I do feel like I'm being shallow as I really enjoyed hanging out with her otherwise. Most women and men my age probably have a greater than ideal body fat percentage from sitting at desks all day.

 

Honestly, I hate myself for letting this bother me. How can I re-frame it mentally?

 

Are you far sited and forgot your glasses?

Whether someone is wearing tight clothes or a sail it does not change the amount of space they take up.

 

and to be honest i'd of found out the size of dat ass by 2nd date when i tapped it.

[Versacehottie]

Wait so it's her fault your eyeballs don't work???!?!! Illogical.

 

It's your job to do your due diligence on the first date. I don't think you are shallow for having your preferences visually of what you're attracted to. I do think it's pretty shallow and immature to try to blame "you not seeing it dates one through four" on her. Or saying she's trying to "trick" you. Take responsibility yourself. And stop trying to pin things on other people that are your responsibility (taking a better look in the first place) or how you feel about attraction. Maybe she just wanted to look nice for you and did it successfully? Do her a favor and stop seeing her. She deserves someone who is attracted to how she looks and doesn't need the double insult on the 5th date that you don't find her attractive and that you think she is deceitful. I mean, come on, ultimately you'd be doing her a favor--people that usually try to blame their partners for things they should be taking responsibility for will do it across the board on other issues. You might self-sabotage, you are welcome to have preferences--that's all ok. You have to own your stuff though. And the kind thing to do would be to figure it out date one.

[preraph]

Dude, you are not mature enough to date.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Are you far sited and forgot your glasses?

Whether someone is wearing tight clothes or a sail it does not change the amount of space they take up.

 

and to be honest i'd of found out the size of dat ass by 2nd date when i tapped it.

 

I was thinking ^ this ^ too. You can't "camouflage" actual size and sometimes (okay, often), "flowy" clothing around a very big body part only makes that part look bigger...it makes things way more obvious.

[elaine567]

Seems she doesn't even have a big butt, just a normal size one but the OP is used to very skinny girls...

Sigh...

[thefooloftheyear]

These threads come up often...This one is absurd. IMO...

 

but(t)...

 

If a guy asked a woman to post a current, full body pic or bikini pic(from this Milennium, btw:laugh:),, before they actually met, would that be a turnoff or inappropriate?

 

I mean, assuming the guy asking was willing to send a pic in his BVD's in exchange-just to be fair??

 

I have no dog in the fight, but a friend of mine that used OLD said every single woman he actually met from OLD either concealed egregiously bad body parts, and/or were at least 25-50+ lbs heavier than they said...It really miffed him...He's no Adonis, but at least he was honest about what he is.Middle aged folks, btw..

 

I just don't see how people can call others that like a specific body type superficial or shallow...As long as they can bring the same to the table, I just don't see that point...Why should they not be able to choose what their partner looks like ??

 

TFY

[CaliforniaGirl]

These threads come up often...This one is absurd. IMO...

 

but(t)...

 

If a guy asked a woman to post a current, full body pic or bikini pic(from this Milennium, btw:laugh:),, before they actually met, would that be a turnoff or inappropriate?

 

I mean, assuming the guy asking was willing to send a pic in his BVD's in exchange-just to be fair??

 

I have no dog in the fight, but a friend of mine that used OLD said every single woman he actually met from OLD either concealed egregiously bad body parts, and/or were at least 25-50+ lbs heavier than they said...It really miffed him...He's no Adonis, but at least he was honest about what he is.Middle aged folks, btw..

 

I just don't see how people can call others that like a specific body type superficial or shallow...As long as they can bring the same to the table, I just don't see that point...Why should they not be able to choose what their partner looks like ??

 

TFY

 

Actually, I think so far, most people have said simply desiring a certain body type ISN'T shallow.

 

As for the pics...this was after meeting four times. It's not a case of a misleading from-above duckface Facebook shot and then a giant surprise when meeting or something. They did meet. Multiple times. THEN he decided she must have a big butt.

[phineas]

These threads come up often...This one is absurd. IMO...

 

but(t)...

 

If a guy asked a woman to post a current, full body pic or bikini pic(from this Milennium, btw:laugh:),, before they actually met, would that be a turnoff or inappropriate?

 

I mean, assuming the guy asking was willing to send a pic in his BVD's in exchange-just to be fair??

 

I have no dog in the fight, but a friend of mine that used OLD said every single woman he actually met from OLD either concealed egregiously bad body parts, and/or were at least 25-50+ lbs heavier than they said...It really miffed him...He's no Adonis, but at least he was honest about what he is.Middle aged folks, btw..

 

I just don't see how people can call others that like a specific body type superficial or shallow...As long as they can bring the same to the table, I just don't see that point...Why should they not be able to choose what their partner looks like ??

 

TFY

 

I told women to hop on skype or there would be no date.

I got so fed up with women using old pics on the dating sites it had to be done.

I even had a woman give me a spiel about guys using older pics and wanted a recent one.

So I sent her one.

She sent me one.

We met.

She had sent me an old pic. LOL!

[Versacehottie]

Are you far sited and forgot your glasses?

Whether someone is wearing tight clothes or a sail it does not change the amount of space they take up.

 

 

Agreed!! So right!

[avoforastig]

Every single man I met has lied about his height. Like every single one. I don't want to date anyone shorter than me. I am 5'8"-5'9" tall (rules out 50% of the men from the get go). Everyone I met that said they were for example 5'10" or 5'11" turned up shorter than me when wearing flats. I spend a lot of time working in a hospital so I know my height with great accuracy.

 

It's just something I accept about OLD nowdays. Both sexes want to put their best put forward, improving themselves by say 20% and hoping their personality will somehow make up for it.

 

I think having overly flattering pictures or being dishonest is really foolish. Humans are exceedingly fickle about expectations. Imagine you go to a restaurant and are told the food will be ready in 15 minutes and the food comes out 30 minutes later. Then imagine you are told 60 minutes and get the food in 30 minutes. You get the same food in the same amount of time, but you're pist or happy depending solely on expectations..

 

OLD profiles are better to under-promise and over-deliver rather than the other way around. It's customer service 101.

 

I've had some women show up as a 6 on their profile and an 8 in person. Other women show up as a 6 on their profile and a 4 in person. Guess which date gets my attention?

[ExposedBrick]

I think having overly flattering pictures or being dishonest is really foolish. Humans are exceedingly fickle about expectations. Imagine you go to a restaurant and are told the food will be ready in 15 minutes and the food comes out 30 minutes later. Then imagine you are told 60 minutes and get the food in 30 minutes. You get the same food in the same amount of time, but you're pist or happy depending solely on expectations..

 

OLD profiles are better to under-promise and over-deliver rather than the other way around. It's customer service 101.

 

I've had some women show up as a 6 on their profile and an 8 in person. Other women show up as a 6 on their profile and a 4 in person. Guess which date gets my attention?

 

I think this is what happened to me. She wore concealing clothing to downplay. Then, when I finally got a nice view from behind, my expectations were distorted. I still think she is attractive but I feel somewhat let down in a way. I don't mis-represent myself, so it's kind of leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

 

It really sucks. I was feeling great about her, now I'm having some hesitation. I feel so conflicted now. How can I put these thoughts to rest and just be happy? I've never had sex with a pear, I guess it could still be hot.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I think this is what happened to me. She wore concealing clothing to downplay. Then, when I finally got a nice view from behind, my expectations were distorted. I still think she is attractive but I feel somewhat let down in a way. I don't mis-represent myself, so it's kind of leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

 

It really sucks. I was feeling great about her, now I'm having some hesitation. I feel so conflicted now. How can I put these thoughts to rest and just be happy? I've never had sex with a pear, I guess it could still be hot.

 

You can't. Her butt is obviously bothering you way, way too much. It bothered you so much you felt the need to talk to total strangers about it on a forum. You even say you're let down/disappointed. You can't get past this. Move on and date someone else.

[CptInsano]

I think this is what happened to me. She wore concealing clothing to downplay. Then, when I finally got a nice view from behind, my expectations were distorted. I still think she is attractive but I feel somewhat let down in a way. I don't mis-represent myself, so it's kind of leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

 

She didn't misrepresent herself, you failed to look closely enough, probably because your thoughts were elsewhere.

 

It really sucks. I was feeling great about her, now I'm having some hesitation. I feel so conflicted now. How can I put these thoughts to rest and just be happy? I've never had sex with a pear, I guess it could still be hot.

 

If she is otherwise great, please ... learn ... to ... love ... her ... ass. Great women don't come along that often. Sex could be very hot once you're over that mental block.

[Miss Spider]

It's ok to not to be attracted to someone. The concept of a guy having to convince himself or overlook things to find me physically attractive is repulsive to me. Attraction is too convoluted to rationalize it. It's starts very early, arguably in the womb. You can condition yourself or convince yourself to find things attractive, but why. There are other people out there.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[lionlover1973]

Don't feel bad about your preferences, attraction is not a (Conscious) choice.

 

I dated a man who was a model but he had weird hands and for whatever reason - I just could not overlook them.

 

It is what it is.

[BeingBlunt]

Everyone has preferences and that's okay. What's not okay is accusing someone of being purposely deceitful when you have no evidence of that happening. Just relax and go with the flow dude.