judorehume Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Things have been rocky lately in my relationship with my boyfriend of nearly two years. We live together, and I actually moved across the country to be with him, but since moving here I have reason to believe he can't be trusted. I made a fake phone number and texted him pretending to be a former fling ( I said I had gotten a new phone number. ) He had a whole conversation with me thinking it was her. He told her that he still thinks about her, that he wishes they could catch up, that he's "kind of seeing someone", that she was awesome, that he was glad she texted him, and that he'd definitely let her know when he's back in town. I confronted him about it and he says that he was just being nice. If it were me and an ex randomly messaged me, I would most likely not even respond, but if I did for any reason I'd tell him I am in a relationship and I would definitely not make it seem like I'm going to possibly meet up with him someday in the future. I know what I think, but I'd like some other people's opinion about what they'd do if they were in my shoes. Thanks in advance for any advice. 1
Ronnys93 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Well, that was kind of bold of you to do. However, now that you've seen his reaction what's important is how YOU feel about his response. I personally would be well on my way out. It sounds like he still has feelings for whoever he thought the former fling was, and it shows that he's liable to putting you as "kind of in a relationship" status for someone he hasn't been with in awhile. You already knew something was up otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did. So I think that says a lot too. Long story short: He's got cheating tendencies and he's likely to go messing around. I'd look into breaking up.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Oh no... Bad stuff all around. You were deceitful; that was wrong. At the same time, you can now see that he still has feelings for his ex which he has been hiding from you. Next time just go with your gut. You already knew, or you wouldn't have done this in the first place; since you already knew, you didn't need to do it at all and now have guilt on your conscience to add to your pain. Next time don't do something that will be on your conscience (deceit). I really do believe in going with one's gut; sneaking and playing games o ly makes you the bad guy too. Live and learn and move on. I am very sorry. 2
Jj66 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 What you did wasn't kosher. But what he did was flat out wrong. Time to break up, unfortunately. 10
Logo Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 If things are rocky to the point that you find yourself pretending to be his ex to test him, then there is no trust. And if there is no trust then there is no point to the relationship. 11
inigele14u Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 He's a cheater. Let go of him, or cheat on him then let go of him.
GoldSparkz Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Some people may call this entrapment, but if he fell into your trap that he can't be trusted. It's a shame that you moved across the country to be with him. This makes things difficult when the relationship doesn't go to plan. It's time to end the relationship and move back to your side of the country. Next time, don't get into a relationship and move that distance unless the guy is prepared to make sacrifices for you. 4
mikeylo Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 He is not a man of strength or true character. It's a pity that you couldn't test him before moving in. There is nothing wrong with testing. We all do. It's important to do it. You need to keep your eyes open.
Latino4Lyfe Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Yeah, while the whole thing seems off doing that, he fell into it and exposed himself regardless. Better to start winding things down and heading out before anything happens. On another note, what do you guys think will happen if he ever tries to contact his ex through another channel(social media, her real number etc..) to talk more? That might not go well lol.
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Move out. Your relationship is dysfunction & you have major trust issues not to mention poor conflict resolution skills. For you to go to such lengths speaks volumes about you. Yikes. His behavior shows that your instincts were right but the way you went about it was flat out wrong. You need to leave before he kicks you out. You two are toxic together. 2
BaileyB Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Your relationship is not good if you feel the need to lie to him and trick him into telling you how he feels by pretending to be an ex girlfriend. If I was him, I would break up with you... That is a serious breach of trust! 2
Lilyana76 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Lots of shadiness going on here... You for lying and tricking him... He for falling for it This relationship seems dead in the water to me, time to move on.
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I wouldn't like this either if my boyfriend did this, it highlights that you're on the rocks, however, guys have trouble rejecting women. That WAS his way letting her down gently. 1
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 He told her that he still thinks about her, that he wishes they could catch up, that he's "kind of seeing someone", that she was awesome, that he was glad she texted him, and that he'd definitely let her know when he's back in town. That is NOT letting someone down. That is a first step toward cheating. I get contacted by ex all the time. I tell them I am glad they're doing well and I met a wonderful man and I could not be happier. He is kind of seeing someone?? They are living together for goodness sake! 3
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I confronted him about it and he says that he was just being nice. When you are so tormented that you have to trap your boyfriend in a lie that's because the relationship is done already. Now you have your proof why did you confront him? I would not have said a thing and pack my things. I would have left him steaming in his own juice not knowing what happened. 2
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 (edited) I once cold approached a man I would see infrequently in town. He was happy to take my number but never called. 2 months later I saw him in town again (we met at his work) and I simply smiled and said hello and when I finished my business there, he chased me down in the parking lot and told me he was flattered and gave the paper I wrote my phone number on back to me (he kept it all that time!) but that he was "kind of seeing someone". I remember his facial expressions, he was gracious but was letting me down gently. That told me that his relationship was on the rocks but he was not going to cheat or leave her yet. Time to fix your relationship. Edited February 14, 2017 by Popsicle 2
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I once cold approached a man I would see infrequently in town. He was happy to take my number but never called. 2 months later I saw him in town again (we met at his work) and I simply smiled and said hello and when I finished my business there, he chased me down in the parking lot and told me he was flattered and gave the paper I wrote my phone number on back to me (he kept it all that time!) but that he was "kind of seeing someone". I remember his facial expressions, he was gracious but was letting me down gently. He didn't say he was looking forward to meet you one on one and you always were special to him. And maybe this stranger was 'kind of seeing someone' and he was telling the truth.
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 He didn't say he was looking forward to meet you one on one and you always were special to him. And maybe this stranger was 'kind of seeing someone' and he was telling the truth. Of course he was telling the truth. I never thought he wasn't. The OP's bf was being polite. 1
kendahke Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Things have been rocky lately in my relationship with my boyfriend of nearly two years. We live together, and I actually moved across the country to be with him, but since moving here I have reason to believe he can't be trusted. I made a fake phone number and texted him pretending to be a former fling ( I said I had gotten a new phone number. ) He had a whole conversation with me thinking it was her. He told her that he still thinks about her, that he wishes they could catch up, that he's "kind of seeing someone", that she was awesome, that he was glad she texted him, and that he'd definitely let her know when he's back in town. I confronted him about it and he says that he was just being nice. If it were me and an ex randomly messaged me, I would most likely not even respond, but if I did for any reason I'd tell him I am in a relationship and I would definitely not make it seem like I'm going to possibly meet up with him someday in the future. I know what I think, but I'd like some other people's opinion about what they'd do if they were in my shoes. Thanks in advance for any advice. Well, now you've outted yourself as a deceitful person. My advice would be to look for another place to live. Your relationship is now over except for the breaking up.
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Of course he was telling the truth. I never thought he wasn't. The OP's bf was being polite. I am pinching myself here - not sure I am fully awake lol. Are you saying OP's boyfriend said nothing wrong to this ex lover? and all his allusion of getting together as soon as he's back and saying that she has always been special is his way of letting her down? 1
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I am pinching myself here - not sure I am fully awake lol. Are you saying OP's boyfriend said nothing wrong to this ex lover? and all his allusion of getting together as soon as he's back and saying that she has always been special is his way of letting her down? Not quite. He was enjoying the attention and basking in it to be sure, but that was without thought because he's not used to getting attention nor having to reject a woman. Still wrong but he's not going to act on anything. The OP has not said that her bf was upset about her tricking him or is going to dump her because of it. I would think she would have mentioned that to us if that was his reaction. It sounds to me like they're still going to stay together and try to work on things. She should tell him that in the future how she would like him to react to women who hit on him is to tell them thanks but no thanks, and to keep it as short as possible. 1
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Not quite. He was enjoying the attention and basking in it to be sure, but that was without thought because he's not used to getting attention nor having to reject a woman. Still wrong but he's not going to act on anything. The OP has not said that her bf was upset about her tricking him or is going to dump her because of it. I would think she would have mentioned that to us if that was his reaction. It sounds to me like they're still going to stay together and try to work on things. She should tell him that in the future how she would like him to react to women who hit on him is to tell them thanks but no thanks, and to keep it as short as possible. Almost sounds like we are not reading the same thread. I am reading the thread about a man that made an invitation to meet an ex lover. That's what I am reading. And the idea came from him, not from the fake-lover. 1
Author judorehume Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 Thanks everyone for the advice. I know that what I did was wrong but I found out that he hooked up with a couple girls when he first moved here and we were long distance. His reasoning was that our relationship was still new (4 months) and he didn't love me at that time. He wasn't mad that I tricked him. He just said "well, guess it's over. Sorry I let you down" and has been mean to me ever since. He's sleeping in the living room of our apartment and when I went to get a drink from the fridge last night he spat in it because he didn't want me drinking something that he bought.
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Thanks everyone for the advice. I know that what I did was wrong but I found out that he hooked up with a couple girls when he first moved here and we were long distance. His reasoning was that our relationship was still new (4 months) and he didn't love me at that time. He wasn't mad that I tricked him. He just said "well, guess it's over. Sorry I let you down" and has been mean to me ever since. He's sleeping in the living room of our apartment and when I went to get a drink from the fridge last night he spat in it because he didn't want me drinking something that he bought. Were you exclusive when he cheated? Looks like he won't even try to fight to keep you. This relationship is over. Sorry.
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