broken guy Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 So, I am trying to wean myself from this place as I see the same stories cropping up over and over again. I honestly don't think it's doing me any good now and just seems to drag me back into the pain of the break-up. Here is my situation now. I have deceided to stay in this country as I have just got myself a nice little job which will provide me witha safety net of cash upon which I can build up some more and not have to worry about rent. Although the divorce problems at home continue, they are not mine and there is nothing I can do about it. As for the "I'm sorry" title, I was just thinking of writing a letter (Yes! I know all the advice I got last time from here but this is different!) saying just that. I have realized that I could and should have dealt with her better. I should have reacted in a more positive and constructive way to her accusing me of seeing another girl, checking my emails and texts and just generally reacting in a bad way to many things. I became far too confident in the realationship. Stupid, stubborn and immature is the way I think about myself towards the end of it all. I am also sorry that I never did ask her what was going on with the new BF when I suspected that she was lying over all the messages on her phone (which I checked due to strange behaviour). Will it give her power? Will it make me look weak? I am not too sure actually. The fact of the matter is I have no power as it is and as for being weak...well, I am simply being honest about MY side and the part I "played" in the break-up (not that I ever knew we were). I have admitted to my friends that I acted in a way that I NEVER thought I could. I did and said things I would never have wanted to say to her. I was only reacting to the things she told me, which ended up being lies and half-truths anyway. Now I have weekends off in my new job, so does she. I am sat here wanting to say: "Fancy going out on a shopping trip?" or "Air-hockey? You beat me the last 2 times we played. I need revenge!" but, alas, I can't as she is probably with the new BF. I still find it hard to believe that she met and is now seeing a guy we 1st knew about from a magazine article we read together...
moon Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 I have realized that I could and should have dealt with her better. I should have reacted in a more positive and constructive way to her accusing me of seeing another girl, checking my emails and texts and just generally reacting in a bad way to many things. I became far too confident in the realationship. Stupid, stubborn and immature is the way I think about myself towards the end of it all. Although I don't know your story very well. Just by reading what you wrote today I'd say maybe it is a good idea to clear the air with this girl. If you really did things that you now believe in your heart were wrong and if you know that you caused your ex harm because of it, then I say go with your instincts and write the girl an apology letter. I wouldn't mention getting back together or anything of the sort. I would just tell her exactly what you are sorry for and that you understand why the break up and the relationship spun out of control. That's what you're supposed to learn from your break up. You aren't necessarily supposed to walk away stoicly and say....Yes I did everything right here and blame everything on the other person. The only problem is that this girl is seeing another man. So basically you are out of the picture in that regard. You have to accept that. Now who knows if you'll be out of the picture forever, but at this point she's with somebody else so you have to respect that. You must. That's a choice she's made. But I do think in the grand sceme of things, that if you feel you really acted like a sh*t head and you called your ex a lot of hurtful names and made a bit of an ass out of yourself, that it can only really help you to apologize for that. You will always regret those things you said. It might be nice to tell this girl that you might have blown things out of proportion and you feel sorry about that. BUT, I'd tell her that it's up to her who she dates now and that you're not going to interfere with her life by trying to contact her anymore or trying to get her to see your side. Just say your regrets if you really feel like it and let her go. I don't think there is ever anything wrong with saying sorry. It might make you feel better.........but stand by that apology. Don't waver. Don't change it later. Make sure you really mean to apologize and aren't contacting her just to play out more drama with her. Good luck.
Author broken guy Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 I never called her any names and I never raised my voice to her in 4 years. I only expressed my dissapointment with her constantly accusing me of seeing another girl in the final 5 months of our relationship. I was so upset with her that I even cried as I defended myself to her one night. She cried too and eventually collapsed on the floor expressing how upset she was. What I realize is that I should have stopped seeing this girl, even as a friend. I honestly didnt know how much it was killing her inside. Anyway, I will write the letter saying sorry for the things that I could have done better and how I have learned from my mistakes, I expect she has learnt too. Its just a shame she had to see how things developed with the new guy before she dumped me via her phone email.
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