emsx0x Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Hi everyone, Seems to be a lot of this talk on here and I probably already know the answer but going to ask anyway lol... So I went on a great date with a guy, we talked for 3 hours, had great chemistry although no kissing or much touching was involved. IT ended on a good note and he said he would be in touch with me, and he texted me the next day and we talked for a bit and then he said he would text me later that week to set something up and he did but our scheduled just conflicted with each other (I even invited him out to where I was going but he declined over the Superbowl which I guess is understandable) Anyway, long story short we kept minimal contact but no second date ever happened and then he ghosted me. Stopped talking to me. So this past weekend I ended up (I know so dumb of me) drunk texting him "hey" and he responded the next day saying sorry he was sleeping and whats new with me? We've been texting all day yesterday and a bit today but no plans to hang out again. I am wondering if I should just ask if he still wants to get together again? Or if the fact that he doesn't plan anything mean that he's not interested? I just wonder why he answered me and is talking to me if he's not interested. Thanks
kendahke Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 (edited) You should invite him out for a drink. Show some initiative if you want to see him. Unless all of your communications since your last date has been direct, as in making solid plans to see one another, then he's probably thinking because there was no good night kiss that you're not interested. Don't assume that what you think was going on was in fact really going on--he may have gotten mixed signals from you or whatever. If you want an answer to a question, you have to own your voice, speak up and ask. I myself would say "I'd like to take you out for a drink. _______(day/time) works for me. I"ll meet you at _______(venue)". I wouldn't say "are you still interested in seeing me?" because that would convey lack of confidence in myself. It should be "I'm interested in seeing you". See what he says. The worse he can do is say "no". Then you decide whether you feel like chasing him or if this was a one off and you bait the hook and drop it back into the water. Edited February 13, 2017 by kendahke
Author emsx0x Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 You should invite him out for a drink. Show some initiative if you want to see him. Unless all of your communications since your last date has been direct, as in making solid plans to see one another, then he's probably thinking because there was no good night kiss that you're not interested. Don't assume that what you think was going on was in fact really going on--he may have gotten mixed signals from you or whatever. If you want an answer to a question, you have to own your voice, speak up and ask. The worse he can do is say "no". Then you decide whether you feel like chasing him or if this was a one off and you bait the hook and drop it back into the water. Thanks, I guess I am old fashioned and you read soo much about "if a guy likes you he will make sure to see you!" I also think that he knows how much I'm interested because of the vibes I gave. I touched him, and invited him out once but he declined due to other plans. Hmmm I'm at a loss
kendahke Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Thanks, I guess I am old fashioned and you read soo much about "if a guy likes you he will make sure to see you!" I also think that he knows how much I'm interested because of the vibes I gave. I touched him, and invited him out once but he declined due to other plans. Hmmm I'm at a loss You can be old fashioned and sit at home alone wondering, too... you are leveling an unspoken expectation on someone you barely even know. You don't know for certain--you just think he knows your level of interest. Him having a scheduling conflict doesn't preclude you from contacting him any more than your scheduling conflict should preclude him.
Miss Spider Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 You showed interest, asked him out, he couldn't do it that night. I think it's his move now. He should reschedule if he wants to see you. People chat and don't ask out for a myriad of reasons(e-tethering,boredom,company etc). You could ask him out again but chasing men generally seems to lead to unfavorable results. If not right away, further down the line. 2
kendahke Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 My point is: if you're drunk texting the guy and his response is basically "oh, yeah, you.." on top of he still isn't arsed to make a date to see you again, then probably he's not as interested as you're making him out to be. The only way to know this for certain is if you ask him. If you don't want to ask him, then you should bait the hook and drop it back into the water. Like Cookies said above, you can have a great first date and it goes nowhere--he didn't owe you anything really after that. No one does. Just because you have interest doesn't mean he's obligated to return that interest.
Author emsx0x Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 You can be old fashioned and sit at home alone wondering, too... you are leveling an unspoken expectation on someone you barely even know. You don't know for certain--you just think he knows your level of interest. Him having a scheduling conflict doesn't preclude you from contacting him any more than your scheduling conflict should preclude him. I ended up just saying to let me know if he ever wants to hang out again and he said "for sure I will msg you in the next few weeks, talk soon" pfft I give up
angel.eyes Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 His actions told you he wasn't interested in another date. Otherwise he would have asked for one, especially after you invited him somewhere and he declined. As for the occasional text chatter? It's called the back burner. When he has no options and is horny, he'll have someone to contact. Since you drunk text him late at night, hey he might get lucky when he does. But no, this is going nowhere except to FB-land, i.e. assuming he runs out of other options. Sorry.
Author emsx0x Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 You showed interest, asked him out, he couldn't do it that night. I think it's his move now. He should reschedule if he wants to see you. People chat and don't ask out for a myriad of reasons(e-tethering,boredom,company etc). You could ask him out again but chasing men generally seems to lead to unfavorable results. If not right away, further down the line. yeah you're right. I don't want to be chasing any guy, I just wonder why he continued to talk to me after our date if he wasn't that interested, I did mention to him once that I preferred concrete plans over last minute plans and thats when he said he would "keep that in mind" then stopped talking to me
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