caucen7 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Hey everyone, New to the forum but looking for some advice. Started dating someone who I've known for a few years. We reconnected and started dating 5 months ago. From the moment I saw her again I knew I had to be with her and that she could be the one. She wasn't ready to get into a serious relationship and was hesitant to date at the beginning. I put no pressure on her and just told her that we will take it day by day and there are no expectations, and that I enjoyed spending time with her. As things progressed we became much closer and she told me that she sees me as someone she could be with and have a serious future with (she has never felt that way she says about anyone). At that point, we made it official and have had the best relationship I have ever had in my life. We got to the point where I could safely say that I love her and she responded back as well. Recently she had had some feelings about her needing some time and space because she has always been in relationships since she was in high school (she had been broken up with her ex for 4 months before we started dating). We had a dramatic day where one of her animals passed away due to one of my pets attacking it. Horrible day to say the least and extremely emotional for her. This happened in the morning and at the end of the day I went over to her house with flowers to attempt to apologize more. At that point, she was very straight faced and had her mind set and hit me with that she needed a break. She had some feelings about it and wanted to talk to me about it but it just felt like it was something that had to happen and that she had to do for herself. She said that she didn't think it was a good idea to be intimate and that she needed some space. After attempting to make it work together and get through it as a couple, it was evident that she had her mind set. She didn't say that she wanted to cut off contact completely, but that we shouldn't interact the same that we normally have (Talking all day, spending the night, etc). I expressed to her that I am here for her and that I am willing to work through it together and wait for her because I think she is worth it. So with that being said, I have given her space. Lot's of it. We haven't spoken since that night at all. It has been extremely difficult because she is my best friend and it's tough not having her in my life. However, I thought it be best for her to have time to deal with it on her own. I don't want to pressure her. So it has been 2 weeks and she hasn't contacted me yet and I haven't reached out to her yet either. I had a big Valentines day planned for her but that is not happening anymore. So I was thinking of leaving a card at her work telling her Happy Valentines day to show her that I care for her and am still here. Is this a good move? I do not want make the wrong move and mess myself up. She expressed that she wants to be with me in the future but needs time. I also do not want to not talk to her and get used to growing apart and having something relatively small turn into a big problem that in turn makes us break up for good.
Larryville Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 So I was thinking of leaving a card Seriously!? Ever heard of the phrase "go big or go home" If she is "special" then do something special, a card is half ass IMHO. I hate Valentines Day is a freaking money making farce, but some people get into it so if you think she is do something special, meaningful. 2
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 There is no such a thing as a break. You are broken up. Do nothing. She doesn't want to date you and has mot spoken to you since and you will reward her with a thoughtfull card? C'mon. She is gone. She is misleading you with her "some day we will be together". That'd what you get when you date people that are not ready, they screw you fown the road like this. 6
Author caucen7 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 Seriously!? Ever heard of the phrase "go big or go home" If she is "special" then do something special, a card is half ass IMHO. I hate Valentines Day is a freaking money making farce, but some people get into it so if you think she is do something special, meaningful. She isn't into big extravagant things anyways for V Day. But I don't want to drop a huge thing off while we are on a break, it may not help.
smackie9 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 If I had a BF where his dog killed my cat.....everyday I saw him would remind me of that day....your relationship is over. I agree with Gaeta, do nothing. She wanted out anyways....the incident pushed it over the edge a little quicker..... 5
AdentureWithMe Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 To a lot of people animals are their family, he cat (or whatever it was) was prob along the lines of a child to her. THe fact that your animal killed it is devastating. I agree with Smackie, that something else was already causing her doubt, this was just the final straw. She has never really had time to be alone/be single. Breaks are basically being "broken up" because ANYTHING is fair game and can happen on a "break". Dating others, intimacy with others, just living life and being single doing your own hobbies. You're broken up, don't do anything for Valentine's Day.... it's awkward after you two haven't talked for 2 whole weeks. She could have always reached out if she wanted to. Maybe if you want to reach out do so, but not for Valentine's Day (phony holiday). 2
phineas Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Your done. Forget her. Also i believe you were just a place holder and this just gave her an excuse. next time keep cujo away from other peoples pets. Especially when you know your dog doesn't like other animals. 1
SevenCity Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Seriously!? Ever heard of the phrase "go big or go home" If she is "special" then do something special, a card is half ass IMHO. I hate Valentines Day is a freaking money making farce, but some people get into it so if you think she is do something special, meaningful. I think what Larry is referring to is "The grand gesture". If your plan is to humiliate yourself and push her even further away then go for it. She broke up with you and deserves nothing from you; card or otherwise. When a woman is fresh out of a relationship her emotions can be all over the place. If you get involved with her you often end up hurt. The animal incident is the nail in the coffin. 2
Whodatdog Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 You really glossed over the "my dog killed her cat" part, but this could be a non negotiable issue, especially if it was your fault. Was this something you caused due to your negligence? Very tough to get over something like this. Your ship may have sailed when it comes to her. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 You two can't move forward unless she can forgive you for the tragedy involving your animals. If you are going to try to reconcile because it's Valentine's Day I think you need to at least have flowers delivered to her (don't bring them yourself) with a card that says something about how much you miss her & you are still upset by what happened but you hope she can forgive you. I don't really think it will work but a card just doesn't enough effort / remorse. 1
meeji Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I'm sorry to say this butif any guy that I'm seeing had a pet who killed mine I probably couldn't forgive that. I would be do devastated that I would want to kill him ... I couldn't actually do it but I would feel a lot of resentment toward him. My friend says you shoukd but her a new pet. Make sure it's cuye and so adorable that she cant give it back. **** a card. Bit her the cutest damn cat you can can find! One that is so cute it makes your eyes bleed!
Gaeta Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 My friend says you shoukd but her a new pet. Make sure it's cuye and so adorable that she cant give it back. **** a card. Bit her the cutest damn cat you can can find! One that is so cute it makes your eyes bleed! Tell your friend it's a bad idea. You don't replace someone else dead pet. It's not like he just broke her favorite mug. 3
dumbass2 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 She isn't into big extravagant things anyways for V Day. But I don't want to drop a huge thing off while we are on a break, it may not help. Sorry, you're not on a break. No such thing. She broke up with you. A card or anything for Valentines day is a bad move. She hasn't contact you. That is the sign it is over. She may contact you down the road, but you remind her too much of her pet dying in such a horrible way.
TunaCat Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Dude, your dog KILLED her cat. I'm not surprised that she doesn't want to see you. If my boyfriend's dog killed one of my cats, I would never EVER want to see him again. It's over dude. Move on. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 If somebody's dog killed my cat, that person would be dead to me. My love would die in an instant. Nothing can salvage that.
PegNosePete Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Guys where are we getting the idea that his dog killed her cat? That was suggested by a poster, not by the OP. He said "one of her pets passed away due to one of my animals attacking it". For all we know she might have had 6 canaries, and let them out of the cage for a fly around, despite the OP pleas of "don't let the canaries out, my cat will attack them". Let's not make assumptions here. Having said that yeah it sounds as though this relationship is over. You could try one last time but don't do the passive-aggressive card thing. Just call her up and tell her that you've given her time to think and now you need her decision, if she wants to continue the relationship or not. Most likely it will be either no or some more indecision, which you should take as a "no". Anything except a solid "yes", is a "no". 1
GoldSparkz Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Perhaps the incident with the pets was the straw that broke the camel's back and your girlfriend was already having reservations but because you were so in love, you never saw the signs. If your relationship was stronger, you both may have been able to work through this, and I reinforce the 'may' part. Definitely sent her the card so she knows you are thinking of her, but other to that start to pull back and wind things down. Get into 'break up' mode now so that its easier in the long run.
Whodatdog Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Guys where are we getting the idea that his dog killed her cat? That was suggested by a poster, not by the OP. He said "one of her pets passed away due to one of my animals attacking it". For all we know she might have had 6 canaries, and let them out of the cage for a fly around, despite the OP pleas of "don't let the canaries out, my cat will attack them". Let's not make assumptions here. Having said that yeah it sounds as though this relationship is over. You could try one last time but don't do the passive-aggressive card thing. Just call her up and tell her that you've given her time to think and now you need her decision, if she wants to continue the relationship or not. Most likely it will be either no or some more indecision, which you should take as a "no". Anything except a solid "yes", is a "no". Theres no assumptions being made (other than the type critter it was). The fact is, his critter killed her critter. That would be a difficult situation in a long term relationship. I dont even know how she will get over this, other than ditch him (which she already did). She's probably blaming herself now for the fact that her pet is dead, because of him. 2
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