I have no idea what happened?

[Tusks_n_Raider]

My Ex just called my phone about 45 mins ago. I had walked out of the room just minutes before to go brush my teeth and missed hearing my phone ring by 1 minute.

 

I don't know whether to feel frustrated that I missed that call or glad to have missed the temptation to answer considering I have no idea what her intentions are for the call.

 

She could be calling to yell at me and curse me or apologize. But she didn't leave a voicemail either so...?

 

But yeah this is the 1st time she's even attempted to call me 4 1/2 months.

Edited February 23, 2017 by Tusks_n_Raider

[Tusks_n_Raider]

I'm seriously about to lose my mind at this point. I feel like I have been gaslighted to such an extent by this Ex that even IF I didn't have trust issues before I have them now. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore and that she has turned everyone against me either directly or indirectly by making me so paranoid that reaching out to my friends to get ahead of her controlling power over other people has caused ME to look like the crazy person.

 

So therefore when 'my friends' talk to me on the phone they are pacifying me by telling what they THINK I want to hear instead of telling me the truth. Then going straight to her and relaying the info and somehow I've become the problem and SHE's the victim.

 

I got on Facebook this morning and L.M. who has talked to me for 5 hours on the phone in the last week and professed her loyalty to me reached out to my Ex by tagging her in a photo about a common interest they have and referred to my Ex in affectionate friend pet names??!! I mean WTF. I expected by now my 2 married couple friends would have 'unfriended' her after all the **** she put me through. But no....they both continue to interact with her.

 

I feel like I'm on the verge of insanity now. Like I can't trust ANYONE now. Like full blow Paranoia. I've never felt this way before in my life. I always give people the benefit of the doubt until they do something to break my trust and even then depending on the circumstance I can be forgiving a few times. Now I feel like I have Paranoid Personality Disorder. My mind is a wreck right now.

 

I just deleted my entire Facebook account.

 

Downtown if you see this and read it does this sound like a reasonable reaction for me to have after having been traumatized by someone with BPD? Can it make the other person feel like they have PPD from being gaslighted?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, a question: These friends you have online...have you met them in real life? How do you know all of these people? I know you speak to them with some frequency, but have you spent extended time with them offline?

[Grathblagg]

I just deleted my entire Facebook account.

 

 

Good. Say goodbye to fake friends and go out and find some real ones.

[ExpatInItaly]

Regarding BPD - my ex-boyfriend is diagnosed BPD. And yes, it was indeed a traumatizing experience being in a relationship with him. It's impossible for any of us to determine if your ex is also a sufferer, as only an experienced medical professional can really determine that.

 

Purely based on personal experience, I'd say that she displays some of the characteristic associated with the condition, though as Downtown rightly pointed out, there could be something else to this too.

 

One of the best decisions I have ever made was to walk away for good. I very strongly suggest you do the same.

[Tusks_n_Raider]

OP, a question: These friends you have online...have you met them in real life? How do you know all of these people? I know you speak to them with some frequency, but have you spent extended time with them offline?

 

With the married couple I met the Husband through being a Youtube content maker. We made videos in the same genre. I began having video skype calls with him and phone calls plus emails and Facebook. Plus cross promoting each others Youtube 'careers'. We talked for hours at a time. Watched movies together over Xbox Live and played video games.

 

I've know him for 8-9 years now and talked with him every way possible BUT face to face. They live 10 hours away from me and I just haven't had a chance to visit but there has always been a standing open invitation to come.

 

His wife and I met 5 years ago through him. Same thing. I've skyped with her and had LONG phone conversations. I've always felt so close and connected to them even being 10 hours away. They have always felt like my best two friends.

 

Texas guy is the same story. Met him through Youtube and have known him for 5 years. Skyped, watched shows together, played video games, had phone calls.

 

So it's been a lot of 'Offline contact'....phone calls and skype which is basically a phone call where you see the person on screen live 'like' you are there with them.

 

Regarding BPD - my ex-boyfriend is diagnosed BPD. And yes, it was indeed a traumatizing experience being in a relationship with him. It's impossible for any of us to determine if your ex is also a sufferer, as only an experienced medical professional can really determine that.

 

Purely based on personal experience, I'd say that she displays some of the characteristic associated with the condition, though as Downtown rightly pointed out, there could be something else to this too.

 

One of the best decisions I have ever made was to walk away for good. I very strongly suggest you do the same.

 

I understand that none of us are Doctors but I've been researching BPD extensively and she checks every box in a moderately high to extreme high range. I just didn't catch the signs while her own 'honeymoon' fantasy phase was going on. I'm about 90%+++ sure she has it full blown.

 

Oh I'm definitely walking away from the Ex. I'm just upset that her actions caused my reactions to alienate me from the people I considered close friends that I've all know for 5+ Years.

 

My Ex came out of nowhere online and not only destroyed me emotionally but has taken my friends away too it seems. Their loyalty isn't exclusively to me anyway. I just can't BELIEVE they would still be friends with her?

 

If someone broke ANY of my friends or family members heart I would have NOTHING to do with that person. I just don't get it. They've only know my Ex for as long as I have. 2 Years Tops.

Edited February 24, 2017 by Tusks_n_Raider
Spelling

[Downtown]

I feel like I'm on the verge of insanity now. Like I can't trust ANYONE now. Like full blown Paranoia. I've never felt this way before in my life.... Downtown if you see this and read it does this sound like a reasonable reaction for me to have after having been traumatized by someone with BPD?

Yes, Tusks, that is a very common reaction. If you dated a BPDer for nearly a year, "verge of insanity" is exactly how you should be feeling. Of the 157 mental disorders listed in the APA's diagnostic manual, BPD is the one most notorious -- by far -- for making a large share of the abused partners feel like they may be losing their minds. Indeed, therapists see far more of those folks coming in (to find out if they are going crazy) than they ever see of the BPDers themselves.

 

This "crazy making" behavior of BPDers is so well known that the "Nons" (i.e., nonBPD partners) have given it a name: gaslighting. It is named after the classic 1944 movie "Gaslight," in which a husband (Charles Boyer) tries to drive his new bride (Ingrid Bergman) crazy so as to get her institutionalized, allowing him to run off with her family jewels. One of his many tricks is to turn the home's gas lights down a tiny bit every day -- all the while claiming he is able to see and read just fine.

 

Actually, the vast majority of the crazy making behavior of BPDers is not really intended to make you feel crazy. Rather, it is the result of their subconscious minds protecting their fragile egos by projecting all their mistakes and shortcomings onto their spouses.

 

The beauty of projection -- and the reason that BPDers rely on it so heavily -- is that it occurs entirely at the subconscious level, allowing the BPDers to be adamantly convinced the projections are true. Hence, unlike lies (which BPDers will do when trapped), the projections are entirely guilt free -- an important attribute to folks who are filled with so much self loathing that guilt is a very painful experience.

 

I mention all of this to explain why it is so confusing and disorienting to fall in love with a BPDer. Namely, the confusion largely arises because the BPDer partner usually sincerely believes the outrageous accusations coming out of her mouth. And a week later, when the BPDer is now claiming the exact opposite, she likely is convinced that nonsense is true too. The nonBPD partners therefore are left thinking that they MUST have done something wrong to cause their spouses to be so upset.