TuesGirl Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Has anyone gone on 2 amazing dates, then right before the 3rd date, your date finds out that in exactly one week, work will be taking him 2000 miles away for 3 months? Just me? Figured. Nutshell: 2 amazing dates. Both have expressed that we really enjoy each other's company. Time spent together is easy. Good person (we have a mutual friend so it's doubly confirmed), super honest, transparent, kind. Found out last Friday, at work, that he will be in the DC area until mid- May, starting THIS weekend (I didn't see him this weekend, as I already had out-of-town plans with friends). We hung out last Saturday (technically our 3rd date), but didn't really talk about "it". Obviously he was super stressed and overwhelmed last week (I would be too), trying to get prepared for being gone for 3 months on one week's notice, so I didn't hear much from him. Wondering how to navigate? Just wait until he gets settled and reaches out to me? I texted him this morning to say that I hoped his first day goes well. He got back to me at lunch, but I felt like his response was flat. Anyone else been in a similar situation?
Telemachus Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Yes, many times. Long-term work travel on very short notice has gotten in the way of many a softball season, grad school night class, and dating relationship. Three months go by quickly, and likely he'll come home every other weekend. If he distinguishes himself in a constructive way at work, it'll help his career. If he really dislikes the travel, it'll steer him in a different direction for work. How and how often you communicate is entirely up to you. Whether you put things on hold or this budding romance just dies out as almost all relationships do, with or without travel, time will tell. My best advice is to ask him when he'll be home, and make a date now to get together then. It'll likely be two weekends or so from now. If things keep progressing, you could also arrange to visit him. There are a huge number of things a person can do alone in DC during the day, using the Metro for transportation, while he's working. 1
kendahke Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Has anyone gone on 2 amazing dates, then right before the 3rd date, your date finds out that in exactly one week, work will be taking him 2000 miles away for 3 months? I'd say the company he works for is woefully mismanaged as far as time and management is concerned if, out of the blue and with no warning, they just told him that they are sending him 2000 miles from his home in one week until June--that's a lot of logistical stuff that that employee has to field before he leaves in 7 days. Is he working every day until he leaves? How is he packing and securing his house, mail, etc. if he's working every day? Something is amiss with this excuse. He's either known about this and kept it to himself or the two dates were amazing only to you and he played along to get along, but he's not really feeling it. And to answer your question: yes this has happened to me and it turned out that all the wonderfulness I thought we shared was only on my part. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I would continue dating others until he gets back. You've only been on two dates and are not exclusive. Don't waste this time with uncertainty by waiting for him. Tell him that if the two of you are free, you'd like to see him again, but nothing more. No promises. 1
mushroomlol Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I'd say the company he works for is woefully mismanaged as far as time and management is concerned if, out of the blue and with no warning, they just told him that they are sending him 2000 miles from his home in one week until June--that's a lot of logistical stuff that that employee has to field before he leaves in 7 days. Is he working every day until he leaves? How is he packing and securing his house, mail, etc. if he's working every day? Something is amiss with this excuse. He's either known about this and kept it to himself or the two dates were amazing only to you and he played along to get along, but he's not really feeling it. Tbh this kind of arrangement could actually happen. I was sometimes given short notice for a week long business trip two days before. But one thing for sure is that he def heard about and prob apply for this opportunity to work in DC before. He isn't hiding anything because I am sure he wasn't really sure if he got that or not until the last minute. I think right now just play it cool and maybe ask him how often can he go home. If he really wants to hang out he will suggest a meetup next time he is home. I just don't think making suggestion from your end is a good idea since he is the one that's away and has less flexibility in arranging meet ups. So maybe let him take the lead but do tell him that you want to see him.
act00 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I agree, this guy was working on his career and his life and knew this potential travel ahead of time, but had no idea it would actually happen; thus, his pursuing you. I would think if someone KNEW for a FACT they were leaving on X date, they would have either been honest with you, or would have avoided embarking on any potential new relationship. Life blends, so it's difficult to plan for everything that gets tossed out at you. My thought is you text him/email/call/leave voice mail and ask him if he got set up okay. Don't take it personally if he doesn't respond quickly or doesn't go into a lot of detail. He has a lot on his plate right now. He will give you that time if he truly wants to grow this relationship. Continue to go on with your life, date if the opportunity arises, and continue communication. If he falls absolutely silent the entire time or rarely puts time into you, he may not be ready to move forward with you. This isn't necessarily YOU, but that he has his work to focus on and he may not know the direction right now. What if his job takes him to another location or keeps him where his 3-month stint is. My thought is keep the door open, but know when to close it. If he really likes you, he'll want to communicate with you, and despite his topsy-turvy life right now, carve out some time. For myself, and I am a glutton for punishment, I would reach out a few times, but if he never initiates and barely responds, chalk it up to a "no go" and stop.
kendahke Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Tbh this kind of arrangement could actually happen. I was sometimes given short notice for a week long business trip two days before. One week, I can see that. But for 3 months? No.
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