Am I just being a paranoid idiot? [UPDATE The best relationship,then gone]

[ExpatInItaly]

Despite being a great boyfriend to her, she was unlikely to be really ready to settle down given how young she was when you two started dating. That would've meant that she essentially stayed with her first truly serious relationship forever, which is just not all that realistic for most people anymore. You could have been awesome but it still doesn't guarantee a lifetime commitment when you're with someone who has such little dating or life experience yet. This is why I always scratch my head at people who go for much younger partners barely out of high school. It doesn't usually end well for the older party, simply because the younger one hasn't had the chance to go out on their own and explore in the way many want to before they can think about making a potentially permanent commitment.

 

I think this is what was really behind her pulling away from you when the relationship actually started to settle into what looked like a marriage. She realized she's not ready for it and didn't actually want it. The way she dealt with it wasn't right - staying out all hours and essentially ignoring you was avoidance. She knew this break-up was coming. It doesn't mean you weren't a good guy to her but she isn't at the same point in her life that you are. It sounded fun on paper but the reality of it wasn't what she wants.

 

You really need to stop discussing her with her family though. It's not appropriate and they can't speak for her. I know you're looking for answers but they're not going to be able to give them to you. It doesn't make much difference if they agree with her choices or not, in the end.

 

Your best bet would be to get any of the legalities and logistics sorted and focus on healing. Though I wouldn't advise even trying to date for a long while, I would suggest you date close to your own age. Those women are much more likely to be looking for the same things you are, on a similar timeline.

[oldshirt]

This entire post is sickening. So overdramatized, preachy, false, insulting to the poster. You make him sound like a pedophile, really! People really need to lay off older men dating younger women. It's due to both male and female nature and it'll never stop.

 

OP was foolish to buy a house with a 23-year-old, and a relationship with a 13-year age gap will have a different nature from one with a woman his age, but by no means is it something abnormal or pathological or born of dark desires.

 

A 23 year old made a decision about the direction her life was taking and she got out of a relationship so she could party and date others.

 

She may get some legal papers handed to her by a process server here in the upcoming days but for the most part this was a 23 year old making what she thought was the best decision for her at this time.

 

What I was talking about was a 32 year old man approaching and grooming a relationship with a 19 year old teenager.

 

I'm not saying he is/was a pedophile. This is not pedophilia.

 

But what I am concerned with is why a 32 year old man felt he had to pursue a relationship with a woman a little over half his age and wasn't able to or was uninterested in securing a relationship with a grown woman in his own age group.

 

often when this happens it is because the men want that power imbalance and the imbalance that comes with the disparity in development and life experience.

 

Am I making some huge leaps and assumptions and doing some major stereotyping here? Sure. But we only have a limited amount of information provided by one side, so we do have to make some generalizations and assumptions.

 

A 13 year gap between a 37 year old and a 50 year isn't all that much of a disparity in development and life experience. But the difference in life experience, stability, financial power and development between a 19 year old and a 32 is very significant. There is enough difference to have to wonder what the real reason a 32 year old is pursuing a relationship with someone still in their teens.