Back at it - Not interested?

[VeveCakes]

So I have taken some time away from dating to read a lot here and try and heal from my last relationship. I feel like I'm ready to get back out there. I made a new profile on POF and have been chatting with some people there.

 

One guy specifically messaged me first and we had a good conversation over a few days. Friday came we exchanged numbers and we had a really good text conversation for about 12 hrs. Talked all about our life, interests, what we are looking for etc. He said he was interested in meeting me and was complimentary of my looks and personality as I was to him.

 

At dinner he left the conversation to go eat and an hr later text me again. I was away from my phone and text him back around 9:30pm. We had a small chat and he said he was over at his friends having a drink etc, my last text was oh right on have fun .

 

After that he never replied and hasn't text me since. He has viewed all my snaps on my snap chat story, even this morning he did. From being on Loveshack my gut says not interested. My sister thinks he may just want someone to make the effort.

 

After my last relationship I decided I'm not chasing anyone. I feel this guy and I could have a good time together though. He is far at 4 hrs away, but works in my area a lot and that's why he was searching there.

 

I'm going to do whatever Loveshack says. Text and follow up or chalk it up as not interested. You guys never steer me wrong.

[Redhead14]

So I have taken some time away from dating to read a lot here and try and heal from my last relationship. I feel like I'm ready to get back out there. I made a new profile on POF and have been chatting with some people there.

 

One guy specifically messaged me first and we had a good conversation over a few days. Friday came we exchanged numbers and we had a really good text conversation for about 12 hrs. Talked all about our life, interests, what we are looking for etc. He said he was interested in meeting me and was complimentary of my looks and personality as I was to him.

 

At dinner he left the conversation to go eat and an hr later text me again. I was away from my phone and text him back around 9:30pm. We had a small chat and he said he was over at his friends having a drink etc, my last text was oh right on have fun .

 

After that he never replied and hasn't text me since. He has viewed all my snaps on my snap chat story, even this morning he did. From being on Loveshack my gut says not interested. My sister thinks he may just want someone to make the effort.

 

After my last relationship I decided I'm not chasing anyone. I feel this guy and I could have a good time together though. He is far at 4 hrs away, but works in my area a lot and that's why he was searching there.

 

I'm going to do whatever Loveshack says. Text and follow up or chalk it up as not interested. You guys never steer me wrong.

 

Let the man lead/initiate. The text ball is in his court. Let him reach out first. It would be ok to suggest a meet up if he doesn't. And, if you set something up great. But, after that, you give the "reigns" back to him, so to speak. Have the meet up and then sit back and let him initiate something else and, if you have a "real" date, let him lead from there for a few more dates.

[Lilyana76]

He hasn't texted or responded since Friday?

 

I wouldn't hold my breathe waiting. And I don't think I would send him a text either. Keep exploring other options, and always remember, someone who is really interested in you is going to make it known. They won't make you sit and wait 2 or 3 days to hear from them!

[Larryville]

Text and follow up or chalk it up as not interested.

 

From a guys perspective I can’t tell you how many time I have been on the other end of this.

 

Now this is the same thing I ask both men and women. If you think he is nice looking and is a decent dude how many women do you think he is chatting with?

 

I am in that scenario with IDK 7 different women, two sites. We all have friendly text, occasional phone conversations I don’t mind chatting and always try to be nice but until one steps up or sparks my interest even more those who don’t keep my interest will fade.

 

This is a numbers game. If I find a nice woman I totally get she might be in conversations with numerous guys.

 

What I would say to you or any woman, what is your value? Dude is 4 hours away, is he all that?

 

And this…

 

but works in my area a lot and that's why he was searching there.

 

So (being the skeptical person I am) are you willing to be some dudes alternate?

[VeveCakes]

I do think he is all that based on what little I know, by that I mean it is definitely worth exploring. I hardly know him at this point.

 

Looks wise I doubt he has a tone of women fawning over him. I have a strange type and usually am not into guys who are conventionally good looking. He has lovely eyes.

 

I totally understand if he's chatting with other girls. In our convo he said he has a really hard time meeting people he can talk to and made a comment when we talked how nice it was to finally be able to have a real conversation.

 

I have a lot to offer and am not settling for anything less this time (in terms of effort and treatment).

 

I would never be ok with being an alternate. He even gave me a tour of his house on his phone after I shared some pics of me renos. You can tell there is no women living there lol

 

My sister thinks I may just be too independent and self made for him. He has a lot going for him and she thinks guys like that want a woman with less so they are more dependant.

 

Who knows. I'm thinking I'll leave this dead in the water. Just sucks because I rarely find interesting men online.

[Gaeta]

One guy specifically messaged me first and we had a good conversation over a few days. Friday came we exchanged numbers and we had a really good text conversation for about 12 hrs. Talked all about our life, interests, what we are looking for etc. He said he was interested in meeting me and was complimentary of my looks and personality as I was to him.

 

After that he never replied and hasn't text me since. He has viewed all my snaps on my snap chat story, even this morning he did. From being on Loveshack my gut says not interested. My sister thinks he may just want someone to make the effort.

 

After my last relationship I decided I'm not chasing anyone. I feel this guy and I could have a good time together though. He is far at 4 hrs away, but works in my area a lot and that's why he was searching there.

 

I'm going to do whatever Loveshack says. Text and follow up or chalk it up as not interested. You guys never steer me wrong.

 

Here is my take on it.

 

Too much texting - and took much info on you.

 

This conversation about life, interests and goal should have happened face to face. It's too much info too fast, he didn't have time to anticipate knowing more about you.

 

Also, I have always been against adding 'dating contacts' on my FB or any other social media. It kills the mystery. In your case it's snaps, again he had access to you, to what you're doing and what you're thinking. Too much info too fast. No place for anticipation on his part.

 

Believe me V, men are just like us, they enjoy a little bit of mystery at first and are excited my the anticipation of getting to know more about you. If he's talking to 10 women and 9 of them he follows in snapchats I can promise you it's the 1 girl not on snapchats that will ignite his curiosity.

 

Finally, stick to men living in your area. This guy may be hot and fun but hot-and-fun is useless 4 hours apart. Find yourself a man that will keep you warm at night on weekends and on week nights.

[smackie9]

Maybe he's biding his time til after Vday.

[Larryville]

Also, I have always been against adding 'dating contacts' on my FB or any other social media. It kills the mystery. In your case it's snaps, again he had access to you, to what you're doing and what you're thinking. Too much info too fast. No place for anticipation on his part.

 

I know this discussed all the time here about FB and other social media. Seemingly younger types have no problem adding people. I don’t add people either unless I am VERY serious about them.

 

I have always felt someone getting that kind of access to me needs to be earned. Only close friends and family are my friends. I also have in my about, things I have done and accomplished career wise and lots of pics of me with (known) people and lots of grandkids, old special family pics too. I’m not giving just anyone that access to my life.

 

someone who is really interested in you is going to make it known. They won't make you sit and wait 2 or 3 days to hear from them!

 

That is so true, that is just insane and seriously rude to make someone wait that long.

 

I don’t even do that to people I’m not interested in, I try my best to be polite and respectful if I get even a short note from someone.

[VeveCakes]

Here is my take on it.

 

Too much texting - and took much info on you.

 

This conversation about life, interests and goal should have happened face to face. It's too much info too fast, he didn't have time to anticipate knowing more about you.

 

Also, I have always been against adding 'dating contacts' on my FB or any other social media. It kills the mystery. In your case it's snaps, again he had access to you, to what you're doing and what you're thinking. Too much info too fast. No place for anticipation on his part.

 

Believe me V, men are just like us, they enjoy a little bit of mystery at first and are excited my the anticipation of getting to know more about you. If he's talking to 10 women and 9 of them he follows in snapchats I can promise you it's the 1 girl not on snapchats that will ignite his curiosity.

 

Finally, stick to men living in your area. This guy may be hot and fun but hot-and-fun is useless 4 hours apart. Find yourself a man that will keep you warm at night on weekends and on week nights.

 

Thanks for the reply. I agree not to text too much, but the first two days of communication were sparse, and he was off that day messaging me and the conversation flowed naturally when we spoke throughout the day.

 

I don't have Fb nor add people elsewhere, Snapchat is just easier to send photos so when I meet someone online I use that to get a better idea of what they look like. I didn't have anything on my story until yesterday so he wasn't getting an inside look at anything at that time. He will now though. He will be able to see how fun I am haha

 

It's pretty par the course with guys my age and younger to add you on SC.

 

I feel like if he was interested, none of that would have mattered.

 

I guess I'm just annoyed he wasted 12 hrs of my interest on Friday and seemed interested. Not sure I am ready to do this after all.

[smackie9]

Just me but I wouldn't waste my time chatting for hours with a guy I have never met. My expectation would be is that if he was interested enough he would love to take me out and get to know me in person. I find those who insist on texting for hours, for weeks or even months are laaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyy.

 

vevecakes don't fall into the text/penpal trap. Avoid crap like this. You have more value than that.

[VeveCakes]

Well this was only three days into meeting him online. Plus since he lives 4 hrs away, I want to know a little bit before we waste time in meeting.

 

Appreciate the responses.

 

Going to stick with my "not chase anyone" plan lol

[Gaeta]

Thanks for the reply. I agree not to text too much, but the first two days of communication were sparse, and he was off that day messaging me and the conversation flowed naturally when we spoke throughout the day.

 

It's pretty par the course with guys my age and younger to add you on SC.

 

I feel like if he was interested, none of that would have mattered.

 

I guess I'm just annoyed he wasted 12 hrs of my interest on Friday and seemed interested. Not sure I am ready to do this after all.

 

I hear a little bit of contradiction here. You first say the texting was sparse through the day then you're being upset he wasted 12 hours of your time. You invested too much into a man with no plan. When I was online I would only give my number once I had a date invitation. Best way to not become a text buddy or over message someone.

 

As for the younger generation adding each other on social media, sure I understand that but human nature is still human nature, keep some mystery going at first.

 

Finally there are people online that have no intention of meeting anyone. They are just attention seeker and time waster. They are often charming so you end up speechless when they disappear. He might just be one of them.

[BluEyeL]

I think you should explore other options. First of all, he lives too far. Second, if he's interested he'll let you know. But he's way too far. Think ahead. How will this work? chances are you'll break up after wasting X years anyway, even if it moved forward. There are other fish on POF.

[VeveCakes]

For sure.

 

Gaeta the first two days were sparse texting.

 

4 hrs isn't too bad, I mean for the right person it is certainly doable. But this one seems like a dead end.

 

Lots to learn and think about

[Miss Peach]

Watching my male friends, some women text them and get dates from it. But I don't see them really interested in those women. The women get a little more time out of the guy though. But the ones they are interested in they chase and pursue. I know it seems old fashioned but that's why I like to hang back, act friendly, but not really initiate much communication in the beginning. It helps me figure out where I am with a guy.

 

Having said that, I know a guy who does the same thing with me. So I get what it feels like. We went out, he kept extending the night, he comes to places he knows I'll be at and talks with me as much as he can, etc. But he never initiated anything after that first night. I was never really sure what he was after. I never held my breath for him or anything but I still run into him a lot, he still tries to get my attention a lot when I run into him, and it's just strange to me.

[smackie9]

IMO you just wasted your time too. The guy lives 4 hours away. Pull out your checklist of expectations/dealbreakers. Set your expectation for say max 30/45 mins away, must be divorced not separated, must be able to be available to date more than one night a week, etc. You know just simple things that may have a big impact on dating this person.

 

I don't think it's a waste of time meeting someone in person to get to know them. Isn't that what going out on a first date is about??? The basic info is already on your profile, they already know what you look like....wouldn't a date be the next step?

To see their body language, feel their vibe, experience chemistry? Can't do that over text.

[Gaeta]

For sure.

 

Gaeta the first two days were sparse texting.

 

4 hrs isn't too bad, I mean for the right person it is certainly doable. But this one seems like a dead end.

 

Lots to learn and think about

 

Do you live in a small town that you are open to dating someone that lives 4 hours away?

 

Always be wary of a man messaging you from a long distance. Often these men are married or in a relationship.

[smackie9]

Do you live in a small town that you are open to dating someone that lives 4 hours away?

 

Always be wary of a man messaging you from a long distance. Often these men are married or in a relationship.

Spoken like a true veteran...my thoughts exactly. I would find it fishy a man seeking company where he travels to and works rather than close to his home....

[VeveCakes]

Do you live in a small town that you are open to dating someone that lives 4 hours away?

 

Always be wary of a man messaging you from a long distance. Often these men are married or in a relationship.

 

Yes I live in a very small town. There are very slim pickings here. Plus I would be open to move someday. I'm not set in stone where I am.

 

His work requires he be on the road. He was in my town 4 months straight last year and expected to do the same again soon so maybe that's why. I don't know seems like I can never figure out men. I'm trying really hard to not make the same bad choices so that's why I'm posting here lol.

 

I actually know two guys who work with him, they used to rent rooms from me. They confirmed he was single for me. But I agree that is definitely something to be aware of.

[smackie9]

Ever thought of relocating now, instead of waiting for a man to help you with that decision?

[VeveCakes]

No, I just bought a new place, a fixer upper to flip in a few years. If I moved I would rent it out.

[LivingDeadGrl]

Definitely move on. A guy who is interested shows interest, no matter the amount of texting that took place beforehand. I refuse to chase anyone either, so that is a great way to be.

 

Good luck

[Finster99]

He's not that into you. It's impossible to tell why. He couldve found someone else, he could have a girlfriend, or he could be thinking its time to meet you but he's too broke to pay for a date.

 

Doesn't matter in the end. Just don't chase. He'll be back.

[VeveCakes]

Thanks y'all. Always right on LS I swear.

 

I'll update if he re appears lol

[preraph]

I think he sounds interested but not desperate, forthcoming, but in no hurry. All those are good things. Maybe he's not just all about his penis and is actually willing to get to know you. He told you what he was doing, which is about all you can do on text. He shared information. I hope you didn't exchange nude photos. If so, that was a mistake. He is probably dating around some.

 

I think if you get the chance, you should just meet up with him. Until then, I think you should not overtext and share everything to the point you'll have nothing left to share in person. And you shouldn't start acting sexy or in love and I hope he doesn't either because you haven't met. Nothing is the same in person, so reserve your decision and investment until you meet.

 

Good luck.