dimark Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Hello everyone ..! First post here ! Long story short i can't get her out of my head ...we were together for about 7 months and everything was perfect .. we both are at the university but she is living with her parents (which are pretty strict ) so there were no sleepovers at my house and we didn't spend much time together because she also has a part time job .. we had a very sad fight a month before the break up in which i told her that i just wanted to see her more ,although she started crying thinking that i was about to break up with her, and she indeed tried to be around more afterwards .i should mention and i think that's also my mistake that i told her that she was just not trying enough to hang out with me.. for the next couple of weeks everyting was great again and christmas vacation had come so i had to leave for my hometown .. everything was good we spent the new year talking on the phone about how much we want each other and that we wanna spent the year together .. actually a day after we booked a trip abroad and we couldn't be more excited about it .. ufortunately 8 days after, the day i returned from my hometown she met up with me and told that she feels very pressured with her life my guess(uni, job, she's also about to write a paper ) and wanted to be alone .. i was devastated .. it was one of the hardest break ups ever .. we were kissing saying i love you to each other and we were crying .. i didnt know what to do so i asked her to leave saying to think about it one more time .. her work place is very close to my house so i bumbed into her some times since then .. its been a month now.. the third time i met with her i could't stay quite and i kinda forced her into a rushed conversation about how we felt as we were on our way towards the same bar ... and she was so cold about it and said things like you have to move on .. and dont try finding ways to be around me and stuff.. it hurt very much and i still didn't get a better explanation about the true reasons of us breaking up.. i ve thought on my own i told her my opinion on the break up and where i made mistakes but she said to me the the she was feeling pressure once again ... that was two weeks ago .. last wednesday saw her at a bus stop and acted as casual as i could.. and that look on her face was nothing last the last time .. she seemed happy and relieved she saw me .. we talked a bit .. she wispered in my ear she was very happy seeing me and before she left i told her we should grab a coffee and she told that she couldn't do it now because of her studies and she wasnt feeling psychologically ready and that we should meet after the exam period and she would let me know..from that last meeting i figured the reasons were indeed that she is being pressured and somehow i contributed into that feeling.. i just want to be there for her.. i really really love her and i can't stop thinking about her .. i just don't want to lose her from my life like that ... i can imagine a life without her being my lover but i cannot imagine it without hanging out with her and i think our relationship doesn't deserve that ! What should i do ? am i deluded that we still have a chance. ? did i make it worse by suggesting coffee.? any opinions would be helpfull ... i know i blew the NC right out of the window but i just could't help my self. Really sorry for the long post just wanted to tell someone ! good day everyone
PegNosePete Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 am i deluded that we still have a chance. ? Sorry, but yes. She has made it quite clear that she does not want to be in a relationship with you. did i make it worse by suggesting coffee.? No, nothing you said could have made it worse because it's already over. There are no magic words you can say to make her change her mind so don't beat yourself up over whether you said the right or wrong thing. The fact is she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you any more and whether or not you suggested coffee is certainly not the deciding factor in her decision..
mightycpa Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 You either need to take a composition class or go to a new university. Period.. paragraph.. punctuation..get it? Also, you have to move on. It's not an easy thing to tell someone, so when somebody goes to the trouble of telling you that, you ought to believe them. It's the smart move.
LitTunnel Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 (edited) Look, here's my 2 cents on the matter. The girl does have feelings for you but you unfortunately pressured her too much to be with you more and because of this she bailed. You haven't lost her for good so don't panic. My suggestion would be for you to go total NC. Don't conveniently show up where she's at and if you do happen to bump into her by accident don't bring up anything to do with the relationship or getting together for coffee or any of that crap. Give her ALL the space she needs. You must find all the will within yourself to be patient. Patience is your ONLY hope here. The longer you can wait out not being in her life she'll hopefully start wondering about you. And who knows, she might end up contacting you again. And even if she contacts you, keep the conversation light, fun and uplifting. Don't get into ANY SERIOUS TALK. In fact just be as cool as ice. If she hints at getting together then meet up for coffee and continue the fun, light talk, unless she brings up the subject of getting together. OP, you're going to go through hell in the next weeks or months but my friend the only way through this is patience. DON'T break NC, otherwise you will stand zero chance. Remember, patience, patience, patience. Edited February 13, 2017 by LitTunnel
teddyzain Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 You mentioned you are in Uni. In short, you have your whole life ahead of you and eventually this one girl will mean nothing to you. I've been there. Remember 40%+ of marriages end in divorce. And part of the reason for that, imo, is people marry in their 20's when they are still growing and building a life and themselves. People change, get bored with each other, want new sexual partners. So yes, breaking up young hurts because its new and most likely no one has ever talked to you about it. If I ever have a kid I will tell them: look its likely you will meet someone, the sex will be amazing, you will be in heaven and then a year or more later it gets a bit old. But you are now attached to that person, they are a key part of your life and you can't imagine it without them. One or both of you will want something new and fresh, or something else, and that will lead to a breakup. So expect it, its more likely to happen than not. And guess what, its likely to happen multiple times over your life and if you get married there's a good chance it will happen again. So in short, you WILL get over this with time. Maybe sooner than you think. There will be another one, she may be it or not. But this one will no longer hold that special place, it will be replaced by another, guaranteed. 1
Author dimark Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 Thanks everyone for sharing your 2 cents about this.! I decided to go with no contact until she contacts me.. which I believe she will.. then I m gonna go casual and discuss nothing about us and see how it goes.. if I see an opportunity I ll try to grab it.. in the meantime I just want to try another time and I'm pretty sure if don't I'm gonna be very frustrated with myself. I know stupid thing to think about but at least I won't let it go over head .. I will be pleased with any outcome if I just know that I tried.
Pumpingiron34 Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 You mentioned you are in Uni. In short, you have your whole life ahead of you and eventually this one girl will mean nothing to you. I've been there. Remember 40%+ of marriages end in divorce. And part of the reason for that, imo, is people marry in their 20's when they are still growing and building a life and themselves. People change, get bored with each other, want new sexual partners. So yes, breaking up young hurts because its new and most likely no one has ever talked to you about it. If I ever have a kid I will tell them: look its likely you will meet someone, the sex will be amazing, you will be in heaven and then a year or more later it gets a bit old. But you are now attached to that person, they are a key part of your life and you can't imagine it without them. One or both of you will want something new and fresh, or something else, and that will lead to a breakup. So expect it, its more likely to happen than not. And guess what, its likely to happen multiple times over your life and if you get married there's a good chance it will happen again. So in short, you WILL get over this with time. Maybe sooner than you think. There will be another one, she may be it or not. But this one will no longer hold that special place, it will be replaced by another, guaranteed. Dam, i enjoyed reading this.
Author dimark Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 Bumped into her once again!! She was with a friend and we were heading to the same direction so we walked together for quite a while discussing about school stuff and having fun.. So before we parted ways she looked into my eyes told she was very very happy to see me.. I told her I was too.. there wasn't any hugging or kissing because her friend was there.. Anyways I'm kind of thinking to call her in the following days ask her to hang out when she's free..Really felt there was something in the air.. that we were both actually really happy to see each other. should I or should I wait till she contacts me.? Was she just being kind with me.?
Recommended Posts