Miamon Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 This is something I've been stressed out about my whole life. When I was in 7th grade I had a boyfriend for the summer, but I had such anxiety and it ended so quickly that it doesn't really count. And in high school there have been a couple of boys who liked me, but I didn't like back or the timing was bad. I always used to comfort myself saying that I'd meet someone in college, but I'm in my second year and nothing!!! I'm almost 20, this is getting pathetic!! I used to be stressed that no guy could ever like me, but I'm starting to think that's not true. Now I'm mostly worried that if I meet someone I'll be so awkward and shy that they'll give up, or that I'll never be in the right place at the right time and I'll just never meet anyone and die alone with 50 cats. Please help, I'm so stressed out
GoldSparkz Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Why is having a boyfriend so important? I can understand the social pressure that stems from being in your late teens/early twenties, but as you get older, you realise just how precious life is and how you can find joy in the other things. My message to you is to enjoy life on your own. Do well at school, build good friendships, be good with money and love yourself. Don't place too much value in finding a boyfriend otherwise you will end up in a relationship with anyone, just because you don't want to be alone. Then you'll realise that the person you are with is not a great match. By enjoying life on your own, you are learning many life skills which will help you to overcome your anxiety. Then people around you will begin to notice you in a positive way. Then when you're busy having so much fun, the guy of your dreams may happen to come your way without you having to chase him. Independent women are attractive to guys as they seem unattainable and most guys like to chase. I know this sounds like a cliché, but that's because there is some truth to it. 3
FoundLove Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I've been exactly where you are right now. I also thought I'd never get a boyfriend let alone someone who'd want to marry me. I've been all alone right through my 20s and most of my 30s. Today I'm happily married. So don't worry about it - the right one WILL come along (as cliché as that may sound). 2
thecrucible Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I agree with what people are saying above. I had a serious boyfriend between 17 and 18 and then another between 19 and 21. With the first guy, although I got experience from it, it wasn't that great in a lot of ways. He had anger issues and abusive tendencies and I got stuck in this dependent relationship. I felt like I had to start from scratch after we broke up. The second one I thought I'd marry (when I was 20 and we were dating) but it wasn't meant to be and here I am single again. Having been mainly single for the past 5 years or so, I've learned so much more about life and myself than I ever did before. It's been a valuable experience for me in my personal development - you will find this as well. Goldsparkz is right - focus on the important stuff and your life will come together. It was a struggle for me initially but I get a great feeling from doing my own thing in life and I don't want to be alone always but I think I would probably find a way to cope with it if that did happen. You'll be okay, OP. There's so many years ahead of you!
d0nnivain Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 First cut yourself a break. You are only 20. Life is not over. Far from it. Second, you have to find a way to calm down about this. That is easier said than done. You are so fixated on it & so anxious that you are probably missing all sorts of signs that some guy is interested in you. You may also be giving off this desperate vibe than sends guys running for the hills. You also need to learn to crawl before you run. You don't go from dateless to BF. You start with going on a date, which in college is more of a hang out thing, that progresses to kissing before there is any talk or even default to BF/GF. Find ways to love yourself & to be happy in your own skin. Be interesting. Not artificially interesting but participate in things you enjoy & be congenial. Smile at everyone. Talk to people of both genders. Ask your friends to help you spot when a guy is potentially interested. Finally do remember that another person can't complete you. You have to be just fine on your own without a BF before you will be in a good mental place to create & nurture a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship. To have a BF just for the sake of having one or not being alone is setting yourself up for disaster.
monnieloves Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Hi, I lived long enough to know that love will find you. That special someone is out there somewhere. You are still young. I have noticed not only from personal experience but from friends and family, that when you focus on something too much it seems to be delayed. However, if you redirect your focus what you have been waiting for finds you. I hope this helps you.
RecentChange Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 . Now I'm mostly worried that if I meet someone I'll be so awkward and shy that they'll give up, or that I'll never be in the right place at the right time and I'll just never meet anyone and die alone with 50 cats. Please help, I'm so stressed out Kinda sounds like you have social anxiety. First, no 20 year old should be stressing about dying alone! Sooo... Are you akward and shy? Do you have any male friends? Do you find it easy to chat with guys? I have a feeling the answer to the above is no - and I would recommend getting more comfortable socializing with males. Can you join a club or study group where you can interact with guys more freely? I think you need some practice. Here is the thing, there are few things less attractive than being desperate. It's going to be really hard to form a connection with someone if you have nerves and anxiety that keep you from interacting in a relaxed manner. CONFIDENCE is a huge attraction for both men and women. I have never been the cutest, or the most popular, but I have always been very comfortable around guys (my first best friend when I was 5 was "Jake"- I have always had guy friends), and really never struggled with dating because I am comfortable around guys. Even before looks, I think social skills will affect dating success more than anything.
preraph Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Cats are fun. No worries. If you feel your anxiety is holding you back, it may do so in work too, so you should see a therapist about it. It might just take a med to fix you. Or it might take finding out where it came from. But anxiety can be very treatable with meds and/or behavior therapy. Don't let it cripple you!
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