If you meet someone off a dating site and exchange numbers is this a turnoff?

[d0nnivain]

I'll skip the negative words like "clingy" and go with incompatible.

 

 

Upon meeting a new person whether IRL or through OLD from that 1st telephone conversation I have absolutely no desire to talk to that person again for at least 2 days. Anybody who is back in my face within 4 hours will be removed from my life because we simply don't fit.

 

 

Granted texting was in its infancy when I was last dating but upon receiving a chatty text I would send the following reply: I don't do text conversations. We were just chatting 4 hours ago. Nothing new has happened in my life since then. Give me a call the day after tomorrow.

 

 

If I got another text that said anything other than OK, I'd write back: You know what, we're incompatible. I asked you not to text me but you couldn't abide by that simple request. You have no respect for me or my other time commitments. I have no interest in continuing anything with you under those circumstances. I'm blocking you now. Best wishes in your future which does not include me. And then I would block them.

 

 

Some stranger who I talked to on the phone once does not get to monopolize my time because they have no other outlets in their life other than pestering me.

 

 

People have no boundaries any more & expect everything to be instantaneous. Ugh.

[SevenCity]

I'll skip the negative words like "clingy" and go with incompatible.

 

 

Upon meeting a new person whether IRL or through OLD from that 1st telephone conversation I have absolutely no desire to talk to that person again for at least 2 days. Anybody who is back in my face within 4 hours will be removed from my life because we simply don't fit.

 

 

Granted texting was in its infancy when I was last dating but upon receiving a chatty text I would send the following reply: I don't do text conversations. We were just chatting 4 hours ago. Nothing new has happened in my life since then. Give me a call the day after tomorrow.

 

 

If I got another text that said anything other than OK, I'd write back: You know what, we're incompatible. I asked you not to text me but you couldn't abide by that simple request. You have no respect for me or my other time commitments. I have no interest in continuing anything with you under those circumstances. I'm blocking you now. Best wishes in your future which does not include me. And then I would block them.

 

 

Some stranger who I talked to on the phone once does not get to monopolize my time because they have no other outlets in their life other than pestering me.

 

 

People have no boundaries any more & expect everything to be instantaneous. Ugh.

 

Wow that is a really nasty attitude towards a potential mate. I get complaints I don't call enough but I would run from someone who had this kind of approach.

 

It comes across as very entitled like you are doing them a favor.

[d0nnivain]

Wow that is a really nasty attitude towards a potential mate. I get complaints I don't call enough but I would run from someone who had this kind of approach.

 

It comes across as very entitled like you are doing them a favor.

 

 

It's not entitled. It's knowing myself. I want a LOT of space. Somebody who is that intense that fast is not somebody I can handle. If you can't go 4 hours without talking to me & we just met, you are not somebody I can have in my life. I don't talk to my husband every 4 hours. We can go 12 hours during a work day with no contact. We both have busy jobs. Everyone once in a while one of us will send the cute flirt text during the day & it's a lovely surprise but that message wasn't sent out desperation. I can go weeks without talking to my BFFs then we pick right back up where we left off.

 

 

Everybody is different & each person has to draw their boundaries where it works for them. What works for me is space. If that doesn't work for somebody else, then I'm not the right woman for him either because I can't give him the attention he wants. It's a compatibility thing not an entitlement thing, although each person is entitled to make the choices that work best for them.

 

 

SevenCity -- in another thread you said something about expecting sex on the 4th date. I could say that makes you seemingly entitled because you want a woman's body; all I want is for somebody to back off & slow down. Which one of us is asking for more from the other person? However, I recognize it's just your preference & you are allowed to want what works for you. For me, there is no way I'm getting intimate with a guy I've known for less than a month. Hence you & I are incompatible.

 

 

I have enough to do in my life without trying to fit a square peg in round hole.

[CptInsano]

I have to be honest: Most women will communicate more than I do, and I don't think that will ever change. So, I basically hang in there and let the woman talk or text. From time to time I will follow up, but I don't have the expectation that I will keep a similar pace.

 

My last gf could talk on the phone for hours, and I could hardly get a word in, even if I wanted to. She was quite funny, so I didn't really mind. The key was that she accepted when I told her that I got tired or needed to do other things. She wasn't possessive or clingy, she really just "gushed" when she got emotional, including other aspects of her life.

 

What I'm trying to say is that I tend to give women the benefit of a doubt in most cases. A person may just nervous or happy. It happens.

[kendahke]

Well I mentioned before I got off the phone that I was about to eat and that the game was coming on which meant that it was up to me to call her back not the other way around. I never said what time the game was ending and she could have she sent a text saying enjoy the game and give me a call later .

 

You also could have said "I'll call you back later on after the game". Then if she did text/call you before then, you'd have a solid leg on which to stand your grievance.

 

What you mentioned really wasn't direct and you expected her to know your preferences without having discussed with her what they are. Her experience with guys may be that they were cool with protracted texting adventures.

 

That's why I make it clear in my profiles that I don't do protracted texting adventures. Besides, men my age aren't into texting like 20 year olds.

[Miss Peach]

I like to have a first call to help access chemistry on OLD but I don't expect lots of conversations every day. I've met a few men and women like that and I just can't do it with someone I barely know.

 

But one thing to keep in mind is that everyone is working from different play books so she has no idea you like or don't like something if you don't tell her.

[SevenCity]

It's not entitled. It's knowing myself. I want a LOT of space. Somebody who is that intense that fast is not somebody I can handle. If you can't go 4 hours without talking to me & we just met, you are not somebody I can have in my life. I don't talk to my husband every 4 hours. We can go 12 hours during a work day with no contact. We both have busy jobs. Everyone once in a while one of us will send the cute flirt text during the day & it's a lovely surprise but that message wasn't sent out desperation. I can go weeks without talking to my BFFs then we pick right back up where we left off.

 

 

Everybody is different & each person has to draw their boundaries where it works for them. What works for me is space. If that doesn't work for somebody else, then I'm not the right woman for him either because I can't give him the attention he wants. It's a compatibility thing not an entitlement thing, although each person is entitled to make the choices that work best for them.

 

 

SevenCity -- in another thread you said something about expecting sex on the 4th date. I could say that makes you seemingly entitled because you want a woman's body; all I want is for somebody to back off & slow down. Which one of us is asking for more from the other person? However, I recognize it's just your preference & you are allowed to want what works for you. For me, there is no way I'm getting intimate with a guy I've known for less than a month. Hence you & I are incompatible.

 

 

I have enough to do in my life without trying to fit a square peg in round hole.

 

It does make me entitled but that's the way my life has been so far with every girl I've ever had sex with. I've gotten used to it and it has become my personal limit.

 

However, I am not rude telling them they better give it up by X date. The message you quoted sounds so harsh to me. It reminds me of all the profiles that state "you better have x, y, and z or don't contact me!"

 

Instead, I might say something along the lines of "Hey I'm not a big texter so I really don't communicate well that way and I've got a pretty busy schedule so I can't be in constant communication". The way you phrase it comes off as a threat.

 

But what ever works for you.

 

I don't reply unless they do. I don't want to start the all day texting either but I am a bit nicer about it. Interestingly, most women hate not being in contact.