If you meet someone off a dating site and exchange numbers is this a turnoff?

[4kad]

The last 4 days I seem to come across two different women who came off as very needy after one phone conversation. After the phone conversation they were sending numerous text messages and it turned me off right away.

 

No one has hobbies anymore? I mean even if I meet someone I find attractive and sweet I don't need to chat with her 5 times a day.

 

 

I talked to someone today from Okcupid and we had a nice phone conversation for a hour. Then we ended the conversation because I was about to eat and she calls back 4 hours later??

 

Can I just meet someone attractive and normal with a life? lol

[ElizabethIII]

Were you replying though? If you were, they thought you were happy to chat? Not necessarily needy. Maybe the calling back one thought you wanted to continue the conversation after dinner? If you ended if to eat, maybe she thought you wanted to pick up again. Doesnt sound like you're very clear.

 

Have you asked them on dates?

 

because if you haven't they may be trying to figure out what you want if numbers have been exchanged, you've spoken on the phone and no date is forthcoming.

 

Meet them or cut them off. Anything else is time wasting.

[4kad]

Were you replying though? If you were, they thought you were happy to chat? Not necessarily needy.

 

Have you asked them on dates?

 

because if you haven't they may be trying to figure out what you want if numbers have been exchanged, you've spoken and no date is forthcoming.

 

Meet them or cut them off.

 

 

I normally don't arrange a date for the first conversation because I am just trying to break the ice and see if we have chemistry. I do that the 2nd conversation and since I have a 3 day weekend next week I was going to try and set something up for sat or sun.

 

But after the 1st conversation ended she sent two text messages and called again? That aggressiveness made me kind of scared to meet her and was thinking how she would be if we actually met and we hit it off.

 

So I decided to move on

[PogoStick]

1. Don't do hour long phone convos unless you're away for 2 weeks on vacation or something.

 

2. Do 10-15 minute call to catch up, share a few nice words, and then setup your next date.

 

3. Don't engage in their texts all day long unless you want to. They might get the hint if you're not responding.

[SevenCity]

The last 4 days I seem to come across two different women who came off as very needy after one phone conversation. After the phone conversation they were sending numerous text messages and it turned me off right away.

 

No one has hobbies anymore? I mean even if I meet someone I find attractive and sweet I don't need to chat with her 5 times a day.

 

 

I talked to someone today from Okcupid and we had a nice phone conversation for a hour. Then we ended the conversation because I was about to eat and she calls back 4 hours later??

 

Can I just meet someone attractive and normal with a life? lol

 

No you can't - I'm gonna find her first! Lol.

 

I talk for no more than 15 minutes then setup the date for as soon as I can. Talking too much will set a precedent I don't want to set. Also, it is all meaningless to me until we meet in person. Women are often so much different than their online profiles and pictures I'm beginning to feel it's like blind dating.

[ElizabethIII]

I normally don't arrange a date for the first conversation because I am just trying to break the ice and see if we have chemistry. I do that the 2nd conversation and since I have a 3 day weekend next week I was going to try and set something up for sat or sun.

 

But after the 1st conversation ended she sent two text messages and called again? That aggressiveness made me kind of scared to meet her and was thinking how she would be if we actually met and we hit it off.

 

So I decided to move on

 

You cannot generate chemistry on the telephone when you cannot see someone. You way of doing it is so contrived and long and drawn out.

 

Quick phone call and then meet them. If you like each other in person great, if you dont move on.

 

What a waste of time, first all, second call, maybe progress to meeting.

 

They arent needy, you are leading them on and they dont know what you are doing.

[4kad]

1. Don't do hour long phone convos unless you're away for 2 weeks on vacation or something.

 

2. Do 10-15 minute call to catch up, share a few nice words, and then setup your next date.

 

3. Don't engage in their texts all day long unless you want to. They might get the hint if you're not responding.

 

 

conversation was 40-50 mins on a rainy sunday afternoon

 

I responded to one text with 4 words.

 

It was too early to set up a meeting because we are 40 mins from each other and it would have to be on sat or sun

[4kad]

You cannot generate chemistry on the telephone when you cannot see someone. You way of doing it is so contrived and long and drawn out.

 

Quick phone call and then meet them. If you like each other in person great, if you dont move on.

 

What a waste of time, first all, second call, maybe progress to meeting.

 

They arent needy, you are leading them on and they dont know what you are doing.

 

 

I meant phone chemistry which determines if you want to meet face to face. We are 40 minds away from each other and the set wasn't go to be set up until later in the week for sat and sun.

 

I didn't plan on talking again on the phone today after we chatted for 40 mind earlier today

[mortensorchid]

I certainly would be wary of someone who does what you just described. They are clingy and a bit unstable. I had a former friend like that, she was all happy and cheerful, came off as a bit needy and happy crazy. I would worry about these two women though, they could get angry and potentially dangerous if you aren't careful. That's why I ended the relationship with that other person.

 

Best you found out now rather than later.

[4kad]

I certainly would be wary of someone who does what you just described. They are clingy and a bit unstable. I had a former friend like that, she was all happy and cheerful, came off as a bit needy and happy crazy. I would worry about these two women though, they could get angry and potentially dangerous if you aren't careful. That's why I ended the relationship with that other person.

 

Best you found out now rather than later.

 

 

And that's why a phone conversation is necessary. lol

[ElizabethIII]

If someone spoke to me on the phone for nearly an hour on a Sunday I would assume they did not mind hearing from me again.

 

I would not know I was not allowed to text or call again at all lest I look needy or that a second phone call was mandatory to reassess me before even considering meeting.

[4kad]

If someone spoke to me on the phone for nearly an hour on a Sunday I would assume they did not mind hearing from me again.

 

I would not know I was not allowed to text or call again at all lest I look needy or that a second phone call was mandatory to reassess me before even considering meeting.

 

Well I mentioned before I got off the phone that I was about to eat and that the game was coming on which meant that it was up to me to call her back not the other way around. I never said what time the game was ending and she could have she sent a text saying enjoy the game and give me a call later .

[SevenCity]

And that's why a phone conversation is necessary. lol

 

I agree a phone conversation is required, but you should be able to tell in 10-15 minutes if you click. 40 minutes is way too long. Let alone a second conversation.

 

Also, there is nothing wrong with setting up a date for a week out. I always do that. People are busy and have lives. They might already have plans if you wait too long.

[WaitingForBardot]

Wow you are particular!

 

Just for another point of view, I never worried whether someone might think I was clingy, or needy, or whatever. If I liked them and felt like seeing or talking to them, I just did. And I was never put off simply because someone wanted to see/talk to me a lot. Even if I didn't click with them I wasn't put off. I mean if I already wasn't feeling it, I'd just tell them I wasn't interested and that was usually the end of that.

[4kad]

Wow you are particular!

 

Just for another point of view, I never worried whether someone might think I was clingy, or needy, or whatever. If I liked them and felt like seeing or talking to them, I just did. And I was never put off simply because someone wanted to see/talk to me a lot. Even if I didn't click with them I wasn't put off. I mean if I already wasn't feeling it, I'd just tell them I wasn't interested and that was usually the end of that.

 

The first sign of clingyness was once I gave her my number on the site she just called lol. Not send me another message asking what would be a good time to call you? I was like., "damm she all fast and didn't even know if I was busy"

[WaitingForBardot]

The first sign of clingyness was once I gave her my number on the site she just called lol. Not send me another message asking what would be a good time to call you? I was like., "damm she all fast and didn't even know if I was busy"

I just don't understand why this would matter. You need a text first to check if you're free? Why? And clingy? ..lol..

 

I'm from the No time like the present camp myself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all...

[4kad]

I just don't understand why this would matter. You need a text first to check if you're free? Why? And clingy? ..lol..

 

I'm from the No time like the present camp myself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all...

 

 

Just because you sending messages back and forth on a dating site doesn't mean you can talk on the phone. I can be eating, watching something, not be home and visiting family or friends, on the road.

 

Could be anything that's why you have to ask

[WaitingForBardot]

Just because you sending messages back and forth on a dating site doesn't mean you can talk on the phone. I can be eating, watching something, not be home and visiting family or friends, on the road.

 

Could be anything that's why you have to ask

Well we'll just have to agree to disagree then.

 

In my world, expressing interest at a time that just doesn't prove convenient for you does not make one clingy. Being clingy makes one clingy and this IMO just doesn't rise to that level.

[4kad]

Well we'll just have to agree to disagree then.

 

In my world, expressing interest at a time that just doesn't prove convenient for you does not make one clingy. Being clingy makes one clingy and this IMO just doesn't rise to that level.

 

so two text messages after our 1st conversation and another phone call is not a sign of possible clingyness?

[ElizabethIII]

so two text messages after our 1st conversation and another phone call is not a sign of possible clingyness?

 

who cares. your thread title said it has turned you off. move on then.

[amaysngrace]

so two text messages after our 1st conversation and another phone call is not a sign of possible clingyness?

 

I don't know if it's being clingy but it seems strange to me, like she has no life or something because it is a bit much.

 

Are you going to go on a date? Tell her you want to get married one day and hope she will give you oral pleasure?

[4kad]

I don't know if it's being clingy but it seems strange to me, like she has no life or something because it is a bit much.

 

Are you going to go on a date? Tell her you want to get married one day and hope she will give you oral pleasure?

 

I put her on the spam list and now looking again. I don't think that has ever happened before and it was very creepy.

[amaysngrace]

I put her on the spam list and now looking again. I don't think that has ever happened before and it was very creepy.

 

Trust your instincts. No need for outside affirmation, although I happen to agree with you.

 

Creepy.

[coolheadal]

I had a woman from the dating site called me up and spoke for over 13 hrs. In person she was the same way. She did all the talking. Some text more than me also. Just can't keep up. Phone is mostly use to setup times for dates, some of us go beyond that and use to talk about everything under the sun.

[GoldSparkz]

When you first exchange numbers and agree to a phone call, try to set a time limit to the conversation then end it once it's reached the limit. I think people like to over share sometimes or get too carried away when speaking to someone new which is risky because you don't know whether this is acceptable to the other person...especially if they are very polite.

 

So I wouldnt see this as a turn off as long as you control where the conversation is going and how long it lasts. If they contact you more than you are comfortable, then just say. We all have a level of contact that we are comfortable with. Just set the tone from the beginning.