Brwniyedlady Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Hi All, So I've been on a few dates with this guy. We met near the beginning of Jan. He's new to town and also just got out of a two year relationship in Oct. A few weeks ago after we hooked up I wanted to know where he was at. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now, but hope to meet someone where perhaps later on things could develop into something. So I told him I found him attractive and hoped he was looking for the same thing I am - I told him I didn't want to be that girl. His response was, you're not that girl. I am not looking for anything serious I haven't been single for more than a couple of months ever. But I do enjoy hang out with you a lot. So, I took some of your advice and my friends advice, and assumed he wasn't interested. So, I stopped talking to him and worked on forgetting about him. Well, then he reaches out and we hang out again. He said if he didn't like me he wouldn't talk to me when we hung out . .he also made some comment that it takes me 10 days to reply back to text messages ( which is so false mostly the other way around he usually is slow to respond ). I mentioned what he said a few weeks ago, and he said that text messages get misconstrued and that he doesn't want anyone with the girlfriend title. Maybe I just suck at casually dating. But when I'm into somehow we text all the time everyday, and make plans. Which isn't happening here. Him and I have plans to hang out this weekend Sunday - Tuesday. Would it be wrong to ask him again? Mentioning that he's hard to read and if he likes me it's hard to tell. I know he's been on other dates with other girls (which I know he's allowed to do), I still get jealous though and just want to know if I'm wasting my time.
stillafool Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 It sounds like you two are somewhat FWBs and he wants it to be casual. If you can handle that fine, but not if you get jealous and it seems you do. He is and will be dating other girls so if you want to still see him don't expect much attention except when you two are together. When he leaves forget about him until you see him again. Keep dating around.
Dis Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Hmm...you both sound a little young How old are you two?
mightycpa Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 He's just getting out of a relationship and he does not want to even think about getting involved with someone else. If you want something with this one in particular, you've met him at the wrong time. You need to date some other guys too, and I wouldn't see him but maybe once a month. If he asks you out, say NO more than you say YES, and if he stops calling (he might) then know you'll have to set up dates to keep it going. If he asks why you say NO, then tell him it's because you're dating other guys, and you're not always available. Then if he asks you why you say yes, tell him it's because you like him. Leave it at that, and let him push that conversation if he really wants to have it. Whenever I was recently broken up, it didn't really matter to me who had broken up. All that mattered was that I was free to do as I pleased, and I didn't have to answer to anybody. I just needed time to explore my new singleness. I'm sure that's what he needs. Lots of time.
Author Brwniyedlady Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 We are both 29 . . . Sucks cause I do like him sigh hahaha
preraph Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Hi All, So I've been on a few dates with this guy. We met near the beginning of Jan. He's new to town and also just got out of a two year relationship in Oct. A few weeks ago after we hooked up I wanted to know where he was at. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now, but hope to meet someone where perhaps later on things could develop into something. So I told him I found him attractive and hoped he was looking for the same thing I am - I told him I didn't want to be that girl. His response was, you're not that girl. I am not looking for anything serious I haven't been single for more than a couple of months ever. But I do enjoy hang out with you a lot. So, I took some of your advice and my friends advice, and assumed he wasn't interested. So, I stopped talking to him and worked on forgetting about him. Well, then he reaches out and we hang out again. He said if he didn't like me he wouldn't talk to me when we hung out . .he also made some comment that it takes me 10 days to reply back to text messages ( which is so false mostly the other way around he usually is slow to respond ). I mentioned what he said a few weeks ago, and he said that text messages get misconstrued and that he doesn't want anyone with the girlfriend title. Maybe I just suck at casually dating. But when I'm into somehow we text all the time everyday, and make plans. Which isn't happening here. Him and I have plans to hang out this weekend Sunday - Tuesday. Would it be wrong to ask him again? Mentioning that he's hard to read and if he likes me it's hard to tell. I know he's been on other dates with other girls (which I know he's allowed to do), I still get jealous though and just want to know if I'm wasting my time. Look, I read your post and even I can't tell what it is you really want. So you are either undecided if you want a relationship or sex or not or you have bad communications skills. Seriously, you keep saying you don't want a relationship but then you are mad because he's not texting right back. If you're saying the same thing to him, then he has to assume you just want sex and just getting sex doesn't mean staying in touch at all. 2
basil67 Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Possibly you do suck at casual dating. But there's no shame in that - I'd be hopeless at it too. I think your problem is that you're giving mixed messages. Or possibly you don't know what you truly want. Thing is, you say that you don't want a boyfriend right now, but when he agrees that he isn't looking for a girlfriend - you end things. Perhaps you do actually want a boyfriend?? >>I told him I didn't want to be that girl. His response was, you're not that girl. << Can you decipher this for me? I'm not sure what you and he mean by 'that girl'
Author Brwniyedlady Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 I do eventually want a boyfriend but not right now. I too just got out of a relationship in Nov. my ex cheated on me. I know I DONT want casual sex. And just because I don't want a boyfriend right now, that shouldn't make things confusing. I would like to meet someone take things extremely slow and hope it turns into something. I told him this, and he told me he's not looking for anything serious. So, like I said I took advice from here and assumed he's not interested. But he came back - he told me he likes me, doesn't want to put the girlfriend title on something. I don't think he's over his ex. I'm just wondering if I should bring it up again this weekend. Or if I ever do want a shot at anything just keep going with the flow? Thanks!
stillafool Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 I do eventually want a boyfriend but not right now. I too just got out of a relationship in Nov. my ex cheated on me. I know I DONT want casual sex. And just because I don't want a boyfriend right now, that shouldn't make things confusing. I would like to meet someone take things extremely slow and hope it turns into something. I told him this, and he told me he's not looking for anything serious. So, like I said I took advice from here and assumed he's not interested. But he came back - he told me he likes me, doesn't want to put the girlfriend title on something. I don't think he's over his ex. I'm just wondering if I should bring it up again this weekend. Or if I ever do want a shot at anything just keep going with the flow? Thanks! This is all you need to know. Just because he came back does not mean he has changed his mind. He likes sex. The best way to not come across as desperate is to not be desperate. Continue your search for a man who wants to take things extremely slow in hopes that it turns into something more. This guy has made it clear he doesn't want that.
todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 sounds up in the air ...you can take things slow but having goals or ideas about where you want a relationship to go and if you really see the person as potential relationship material is a must in my books......you have to have a direction..a firm idea of where you are head4ed or want to head......otherwise its drifting aimlessly and that's no way to sail a boat......its hanging out with a mate..chillin......which is normally just filling in time....till you decide to eb serious.....and he sounds like he isnt ready to be that way.....you can be seeign soemone seriously and still nto hav e atittle....i dotnunderstand what the problem is with defining relationships anyway....its a secure way to proceed in anything....i suppose thats commitment...and i do like commitment.thats normally a step in th edirection i want to go ......some people dont see commitment that way...... over all though you have only dated this guy twice.....date a month or two and then see if a talk is necessary about where you are headed together......deb
Author Brwniyedlady Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Hi Basil, "That girl" - is in reference to a girl who continiously reaches out and tries to hang out with a guy whose not interested in her. Usually the guy is annoyed by the girl because he doesn't want to talk to her any further but she can't take the hint. Hopefully that made sense! 1
basil67 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I do eventually want a boyfriend but not right now. I too just got out of a relationship in Nov. my ex cheated on me. I know I DONT want casual sex. And just because I don't want a boyfriend right now, that shouldn't make things confusing. I would like to meet someone take things extremely slow and hope it turns into something. I told him this, and he told me he's not looking for anything serious. So, like I said I took advice from here and assumed he's not interested. But he came back - he told me he likes me, doesn't want to put the girlfriend title on something. I don't think he's over his ex. I'm just wondering if I should bring it up again this weekend. Or if I ever do want a shot at anything just keep going with the flow? Thanks! Thanks for the clarification. I think it will be challenging to find a man who wants to take things extremely slow and hope it turns into a relationship. From my experience, most people tend to want a proper relationship or just a FWB. That's not to say it's impossible - but it's not going to be easy. Perhaps lay off the dating till you're ready to put yourself back out there properly. 1
GoldSparkz Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I find that its best not to over analyse these situations. He told you very clearly that he doesn't want a serious relationship as he has only recently come out of one. The last thing you want to do right now is chase him, put undue pressure on him, then lose your dignity when he walks away. Plus if you suck at casual dating then perhaps you should only deal with guys who want serious relationships.
Miss Spider Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Based on the countless experiences I've read over the years, when a guy says he doesn't isn't looking for/isn't ready/doesn't want anything "serious" or a relationship he means with the person he told that to. I never seen this turn into a relationship, but I'm sure it happens. Though, wouldn't it be best to place your bets on someone who is so into you they want to pursue a relationship with you? The odds are much more in your favor. This guy seems to only want to keep up the FWB thing. Men like this will say most things short of agreeing to bf gf to keep the girl on a string and it really works a lot of the time because if the girl is very interested she will stick around thinking he'll change his mind. In my opinion, when men ( people in general) want something, they aren't "casual" about it.
Popsicle Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Hi All, So I've been on a few dates with this guy. We met near the beginning of Jan. He's new to town and also just got out of a two year relationship in Oct. A few weeks ago after we hooked up I wanted to know where he was at. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now, but hope to meet someone where perhaps later on things could develop into something. So I told him I found him attractive and hoped he was looking for the same thing I am - I told him I didn't want to be that girl. His response was, you're not that girl. I am not looking for anything serious I haven't been single for more than a couple of months ever. But I do enjoy hang out with you a lot. So, I took some of your advice and my friends advice, and assumed he wasn't interested. So, I stopped talking to him and worked on forgetting about him. Well, then he reaches out and we hang out again. He said if he didn't like me he wouldn't talk to me when we hung out . .he also made some comment that it takes me 10 days to reply back to text messages ( which is so false mostly the other way around he usually is slow to respond ). I mentioned what he said a few weeks ago, and he said that text messages get misconstrued and that he doesn't want anyone with the girlfriend title. Maybe I just suck at casually dating. But when I'm into somehow we text all the time everyday, and make plans. Which isn't happening here. Him and I have plans to hang out this weekend Sunday - Tuesday. Would it be wrong to ask him again? Mentioning that he's hard to read and if he likes me it's hard to tell. I know he's been on other dates with other girls (which I know he's allowed to do), I still get jealous though and just want to know if I'm wasting my time. You sound extremely confusing. 1
Recommended Posts