Fearing dating these days....

[vanhalenfan]

Feeling down about my situation...

 

I am involved with someone right now, but there is a possibility this relationship isn't going to work out for many reasons.

 

I am TERRIFIED of getting back into the dating game. I realize I have work to do on myself so I would be in no hurry.

 

The problem is is that I feel like I'm not a "good package" because of my life's decisions. I got married early (21) and had 2 children (twins) within that marriage. The marriage was awful...It was a horrible decision to marry so young and to the wrong person.

 

Then, I got involved with my current partner. While on birth control, I fell pregnant within 11 months into the relationship. Things were going well at the time, my other children loved him (their father is not involved at all - moved to another country), we had plans to marry...It was looking up so I was hopeful. We looked at the pregnancy as a gift and we were happy.

 

Our child is now 2 (and the twins, 9) and we are having a very difficult time within our relationship. We are still together and trying. We never did marry yet, which may be a good thing. I am die-hard loyal and don't give up easily so I'm hanging in right now.

 

I haven't lost all hope in our relationship, but I do fear that if we come to a point where we need to part ways, will I ever find a quality partner who is willing to accept that I have 3 children from 2 different men? I am only 32 years old and don't want to be alone. I feel like a trainwreck sometimes. I am well-educated, come from a good family, probably rate a good 7-8 on the attractiveness scale....but I worry about my options out there and what men will think of my past decisions (regarding marrying young, and the children from two different men).

 

I am naturally inclined/attracted to older men, so I am more interested in men 40+ so hopefully that works in my favor. I'm not looking for "young" men looking to start a family. Those days are over and done with for me. I would gladly date an older man also with children from a previous relationship or just a single older man with no children.

 

If you are a man (of any age), what are your thoughts? (Women feel free to chime in as well!) The dating game has gotten crazy over the past few years, and just by reading here on LS, I'm weary!

Edited February 12, 2017 by vanhalenfan

[OatsAndHall]

Feeling down about my situation...

 

I am involved with someone right now, but there is a possibility this relationship isn't going to work out for many reasons.

 

I am TERRIFIED of getting back into the dating game. I realize I have work to do on myself so I would be in no hurry.

 

The problem is is that I feel like I'm not a "good package" because of my life's decisions. I got married early (21) and had 2 children (twins) within that marriage. The marriage was awful...It was a horrible decision to marry so young and to the wrong person.

 

Then, I got involved with my current partner. While on birth control, I fell pregnant within 11 months into the relationship. Things were going well at the time, my other children loved him (their father is not involved at all - moved to another country), we had plans to marry...It was looking up so I was hopeful. We looked at the pregnancy as a gift and we were happy.

 

Our child is now 2 (and the twins, 9) and we are having a very difficult time within our relationship. We are still together and trying. We never did marry yet, which may be a good thing. I am die-hard loyal and don't give up easily so I'm hanging in right now.

 

I haven't lost all hope in our relationship, but I do fear that if we come to a point where we need to part ways, will I ever find a quality partner who is willing to accept that I have 3 children from 2 different men? I am only 32 years old and don't want to be alone. I feel like a trainwreck sometimes. I am well-educated, come from a good family, probably rate a good 7-8 on the attractiveness scale....but I worry about my options out there and what men will think of my past decisions (regarding marrying young, and the children from two different men).

 

I am naturally inclined/attracted to older men, so I am more interested in men 40+ so hopefully that works in my favor. I'm not looking for "young" men looking to start a family. Those days are over and done with for me. I would gladly date an older man also with children from a previous relationship or just a single older man with no children.

 

If you are a man (of any age), what are your thoughts? (Women feel free to chime in as well!) The dating game has gotten crazy over the past few years, and just by reading here on LS, I'm weary!

 

I guess I have felt that women with children have an advantage in the dating world they weed out incompatible men quickly as they don't want to date a woman with kids. So, that leaves you with three options; guys in the same boat (they're single and they have children), guys that are genuine and don't mind dating a woman with kids or weirdos looking for sex. The latter will honestly be easy to avoid as they will have to be to be a serious sociopath in order to hide their intentions.

 

Just be cautious if/when you do decide to date again. You'll find that there are plenty of decent guys out there who will date a woman with children. I will say this, be wary if they start asking about the kids without you bringing them up early on. Even money says that they're trying to use that as an angle of some kind.

[PogoStick]

Feeling down about my situation...

 

I am involved with someone right now, but there is a possibility this relationship isn't going to work out for many reasons.

 

I am TERRIFIED of getting back into the dating game. I realize I have work to do on myself so I would be in no hurry.

 

The problem is is that I feel like I'm not a "good package" because of my life's decisions. I got married early (21) and had 2 children (twins) within that marriage. The marriage was awful...It was a horrible decision to marry so young and to the wrong person.

 

Then, I got involved with my current partner. While on birth control, I fell pregnant within 11 months into the relationship. Things were going well at the time, my other children loved him (their father is not involved at all - moved to another country), we had plans to marry...It was looking up so I was hopeful. We looked at the pregnancy as a gift and we were happy.

 

Our child is now 2 (and the twins, 9) and we are having a very difficult time within our relationship. We are still together and trying. We never did marry yet, which may be a good thing. I am die-hard loyal and don't give up easily so I'm hanging in right now.

 

I haven't lost all hope in our relationship, but I do fear that if we come to a point where we need to part ways, will I ever find a quality partner who is willing to accept that I have 3 children from 2 different men? I am only 32 years old and don't want to be alone. I feel like a trainwreck sometimes. I am well-educated, come from a good family, probably rate a good 7-8 on the attractiveness scale....but I worry about my options out there and what men will think of my past decisions (regarding marrying young, and the children from two different men).

 

I am naturally inclined/attracted to older men, so I am more interested in men 40+ so hopefully that works in my favor. I'm not looking for "young" men looking to start a family. Those days are over and done with for me. I would gladly date an older man also with children from a previous relationship or just a single older man with no children.

 

If you are a man (of any age), what are your thoughts? (Women feel free to chime in as well!) The dating game has gotten crazy over the past few years, and just by reading here on LS, I'm weary!

 

Bolded text = you'll have no problems finding men to date.

 

Your problems would come from "being a train wreck" and other emotional hangups.

 

The other major part about having kids is simply whether you have the time and ability to date and have a relationship. If you're always doing mom stuff or don't have the ability to get away for a bit then a relationship is pretty difficult.

 

Right now I'm dating a woman with 3 kids from 2 marriages. I'm not looking to enter the family dynamic so the kids don't factor into my feelings. What matters to me is that she has 1 day a week (sometimes 2) where she can step away from being a mom so we have our time.

[GoldSparkz]

My guess is that men will be attracted to you based on your looks and the fact that you are a "trainwreck" as you say will be somewhat irrelevant, given that most men are visual.

 

However, as a mother to small children, you probably know this already, but just be extra careful as there are some oddballs out there who will see you as being in a vulnerable position. So when you are dating, just give the impression that you are secure, have loads of friends/family nearby, safety is a priority etc.