mikeylo Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Just putting it out there ! I'm a guy and have a 19 year old son to whom I can relate very well, well because I'm a guy myself,lol. My wife has had a great influence on him as to the type or kind of girls he chooses to date and ultimately marry or whatever. While its not cut in stone but it does matter. If I had a daughter, I have no idea how it would have panned out! Would she have influenced my beliefs , ideas and approach to life ? Would I have been her body guard and ready to pounce on any guy who looked at her ,lol ! How different is it to be parent of a girl or a boy ?
Life lessons Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 To me it's not much different. I also have a 19 year old and a teenage girl and I'm so over protective of both. Always have been! Now my husband on the other hand is definitely more over protective of the girl. Lol ready to pounce...as you put it. Lol 1
todreaminblue Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) its harder when you have girls in my opinion as a mother...... i worry more ......as far as my sons goes i'm a carer for one he is pretty much a home body and the other doesn't listen to my advice.....i am more concerned over the welfare of my grandchildren , my son is old enough that he makes his own decisions....and when he makes a mess i am there for the kids....my 3 girls are soft hearted and i cant even go into it.....its too upsetting..... i try my best to protect them but they are up there in age to make their own decisions and i cant live their lives if i could i would wrap them in bubble wrap and roll them around with me everywhere...........i made my own mistakes when i was young and i had to learn i didnt have parents around i moved out of home young....and i learned some vicious lessons.....probably the reason behind me not liking drugs or alcohol;...... doesn't stop me worrying my children are now grown ...or supposed to be........about any of my children that they are older.two of them have children of their own......i don't think anyone ever really does stop worrying ...guardians for life....once you become a parent always ready to defend...and always praying...and that's all i can really do as their mother ......i can yay to good decisions and nay to bad ones ..if they are honest enough to share those decisions with me....when i have advised them to not do something and they go ahead and do it.....when it goes to crap ...or when they come running for me to stand in front of them.....i ask them ....please listen next time i only want to help you......make good decisions.....and i stand beside them and we face the consequences together...or the successes..i much prefer success for them ...they are my prayers answered....but i dont sway if it isnt that way,....i dont look forward to consequences.....i dont like it when people are in pain in any form....i have taken on consequence debts for them..faced off with some really nasty people.which is not right....im starting to see that ....its called enabling....and i am aware of when i do .....and i need to let them face consequences even though it actually hurts me not to step in.... girls or boys...to adult children..its a parents place to be there......good or bad...and have the strength to teach them two lessons one responsibility...two consequence....i struggl ewith consequence...responisibility they own up....i have that one....now just consequence and i would have done what i am supposed to do as a parent...its what i need to hav eto know my kids will be members of scoiety who can make a difference for the better.....even when i havent...as yet.....deb Edited February 20, 2017 by todreaminblue 1
amaysngrace Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 I have two sons and a daughter and I love them and worry about them all the same although I admit I've probably pushed my daughter a bit harder than I did my boys. 3
Author mikeylo Posted February 20, 2017 Author Posted February 20, 2017 My wife couldn't have more kids but I swear , I would have loved to have a daughter! Even my siblings have boys or are childless. I guess it brings out the protective side to guys ( not everyone though ). With the boys we can be quite carefree
todreaminblue Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) My wife couldn't have more kids but I swear , I would have loved to have a daughter! Even my siblings have boys or are childless. I guess it brings out the protective side to guys ( not everyone though ). With the boys we can be quite carefree it does bring out the protective side in men to have daughters...my grandpa once told me that fathers know the way boys think......when i was molested as a child my grandpa my uncle and my step father ...alll hunters..fish ...kangaroos.......wanted to take him out.....spear guns....real guns....luckily the guy did a runner...the protection of the feminine..... birngs out the natural man in men.....daughters.....wives.....same deal....they put their own welfare behind....which is why women, military women should not go frontline with men..a man's own welfare or survival will not be as frontal lobe they will worry about the woman beign captured...weakening their instincts.... i feel this quite strongly......just like i am glad the guy did a runner who messed with me...goal did not enter the minds i think of my male family when they were making plans...all they saw....was kill shot........deb Edited February 20, 2017 by todreaminblue 1
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I have a son and daughter. I can't imagine I'll be the guy that pounces on any young boy trying to date my daughter. Rather I hope I can teach her how to look after herself better and not be so naive later in life. For example there is a commercial I saw the other day where a daughter is watching a movie with a young boy and the dad turns on a construction spotlight on them and pretty much verbally threatened the boy about his daughter. Now it's supposed to be a funny commercial, I just can't relate. I thought to myself, "I'll never be that dad." Has nothing to do with not being protective of her. Has more to do with my confidence that between my wife and my own parenting, we will raise kids who have good judgement,know how to take care of themselves, and have enough self love and self respect and a healthy self esteem to make sound decisions. That is how I'm protective of them, by teaching them good life skills. Not being their crutch. Also I thought "what a better way to make your daughter rebel out of spite then to be that overbearing overprotective jerk of a dad" kind of like preachers kids are generally bad decision makers and have drug abuse and alcohol abuse issues and things like that. Rebellious because of their strict upbringing. No doubt we can be strict in certain areas. But I would like to think these are areas that develope their sense of self and promote a healthy self esteem and good decision making.
Got it Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I really didn't have that kind of dad either. It's kind of sexist to think you would be different just based on gender. I have a twin brother so would have been very apparent if I was treated differently because of my gender. I remember one instance where it happened, where I was allowed to drive at night that he could and I couldn't. It made no sense and didn't follow any of the lines of logic they had taught us up to that point. So I did it anyway, sat in the parking lot and then drove away. But that was an anomaly and not how we were raised by any stretch. We had the same curfew, same freedoms, same expectations and tailoring to them was based on behavioral strengths or weaknesses. I think my father and I get each other better because we share similar personalities and thinking styles. We are just more on the same page most of the time.
Author mikeylo Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 I guess you are taking it out of context. The point is not about being sexist etc. Having a child changes people. If it doesn't , that is a huge problem in itself. Having a boy or a girl as a child, does change your priorities, ways of thinking among other things. Something called natural instinct comes into play. It's not about parenting styles. One of my friends was a porn addict. He tried everything. When his wife was pregnant and they found it was a baby girl, his motivation to stop his addiction went into overdrive. He never looked back again. The way he viewed women changed. Sometimes people don't realize the gradual change. Some give a damn 1
Mr. Lucky Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I have two sons and a daughter and I love them and worry about them all the same although I admit I've probably pushed my daughter a bit harder than I did my boys. I have 3 sons and a daughter and have done the same with her. Women simply have a tougher road with more obstacles to overcome... Mr. Lucky
Shepp Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I watched this thing on telly once and they had babies of the same age crawling down a ramp. It was up to the parents to set the maximum steepness they thought their baby could manage, and then it tested what they could actually do. What the experiment proved was that both genders were capable of the same average steepness, but that parents of boys typically judged them to be more capable than parents of girls! Which I actually think is really sad! I've got 3 1/2 year old fraternal twin sons and a soon to be 2 year old daughter... having kids changed me definitely. I just looked back to what i posted when my boys were born... I just wish I could do more, saying that while sitting here i find myself considering things that I could do including but not limited to, what animals I could kill or scare away with my body and potentially a knife, so I made a list… Animals I think I could take out in the name of saving Ronnie & Fraser: - mad axe man (easily) - fox (easily) - stag (easily) - large monkey (easily) - non-fighting dogs (easily) - pack of fighting dogs (might struggle) - cheetah (will definitely struggle and could end up with a lethal injury, but ultimately I predict success) After cheetah, I envision myself, and possibly Ron & Frayz as well, being eaten by: - bear (fur is too thick, although they can be bluffed away in certain circumstances) - lion (let's face it - I'm dinner) - tiger (might also eat my girlfriend and neighbours out of spite, just because it could) - great white shark (no soul, eating machine, skin and fat layer too thick) But, tbh, at the end of the day whether its slaying great white sharks or putting batteries in their PS12 controllers, I just want so badly for them to be proud of me. So i guess i did feel instantly protective of my kids, and i still am they are the centre of my world! BUT that said like my parenting style is definitely not to be over protective, I let them be, let them make mistakes, help them learn from them and I hope to parent like that all there lives, i want to make strong, independent, capable adults!! I'm very aware of that! I certainly dont think that im more protective of my daughter or anything, she takes after her mum, shes a little force of nature and she runs rings around our boys but i'm very conscious of, like i want her to be every bit as capable and independent as our boys, i want her to know how to fix engines, play sport, and stand up for herself. I dont believe that i treat my sons or daughter any differently or that i feel any differently towards them
dichotomy Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Never had boys - just girls. I was raised by a single mom. Guess I just do well with females in the home. Not really sure how I would have done with a boy - I am a non traditional guy so I think I would have had to work extra hard in raising a boy to more acceptable boy roles and interests. I can say that raising girls - its a sweet kind of love. But also with girls the tween and teen years can be very emotional and the social dynamics (other girls) is brutal. Girls can really be cruel to each other at this time.Boys seem simpler. 1
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