I shook the trust of someone who was sensitive already.... now what

[notmakingsense]

I've been on-again-off-again with someone for many months. When we broke up before, it was because she had commitment issues, freaked herself out, and decided she needed to date more. When this happened, I posted myself up on some on-line sites to try to (a) get back at her, and (b) help feel good about myself again (I know, stupid).

 

From one site, I started e-mailing and talking to women, but my heart was never in it -- I was so in love with my gf. I finally took myself off of it and told my gf about it. I didn't take myself off of another site because I knew she didn't know about that one. I wasn't a member, never e-mailed or wrote anyone, but I enjoyed getting e-mails from women who were "winking" at me, etc. I thought it was a harmless way to feel less insecure and better about myself -- because I never did feel secure in my relationship with my gf (remember, it was on-again-off-again).

 

Well, just yesterday, a friend of hers found me on the site -- told her about it -- and she has broken up with me. Says although she knows I'm a good person at heart, she can never trust me with my on-line stuff and that she is so sensitive (from her cheating ex-husband) that she doesn't think that we could work out. She also says that because we are such good friends, that she wants to continue to be.

 

I just wasn't thinking about it. Of course she'd eventually find out. What's worse, is that the site indicated that I was active because I'd click to see the profiles of women who e-mailed me. It looks soooooo bad -- yet I am a one-woman man, and never would cheat -- even on-line.

 

I just can't get through to her. We have other issues that may be making it easier for her to just walk away, but I just can't believe she is so quick to mistrust me when our bond and trust has been so solid in the past. Well, her trust of me anyway -- I've never fully felt confident and secure that she wouldn't withdraw from our relationship -- she's done so before many times.

 

My friends are advising me to just walk away -- that she has too many commitment/trust issues to really work through this with me -- even though I am true to her -- through and through. But -- just as your typical poster on this site -- I am distraught -- feeling hopless -- and desperate to make her understand that I really am loyal to her.

 

What do I do?

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by notmakingsense

I just can't get through to her.

 

You can't... You fuc*ked up man.. big time.. What were you thinking ?

 

She was right to breakup with you.. Sorry there are no excuses.. ( yeah sure you clicked but didn't login)

 

That in itself shows deceit and that you knew it was wrong..

 

Move on.. Leave her alone..You caused her real pain .. Maybe she will come back after a few months..

[notmakingsense]

You can't... You fuc*ked up man.. big time.. What were you thinking ?

 

She was right to breakup with you.. Sorry there are no excuses.. ( yeah sure you clicked but didn't login)

 

That in itself shows deceit and that you knew it was wrong..

 

Move on.. Leave her alone..You caused her real pain .. Maybe she will come back after a few months..

 

Yes -- I did fuc*k up -- because I wasn't thinking. No excuses. I even told her that I was being deceiving -- and my being on that site was wrong.

 

It is even a little worse -- when she called me on it, I was trying to squirm with words out of it. I should have immediately fessed-up. What an idiot I was!

 

I'm just kicking myself because I never would cheat. Ever -- and there is no fuc*king way I can prove that to her. Her trust is gone.

 

She isn't as hurt as you might think though. Her conversations were very calm, and she even said she wants to stay in touch and be friends. I think that deep down, she understands my insecurity and why I left my profile up -- but maybe that's just me and my wishful thinking.

 

I'll try to move on. I don't know how if she wants to stay in touch though. What do I do -- tell her not to call me so that I can heal from my own stupidity?