My brother decided to let his girlfriend move in and my mom has concerns

[4kad]

that he is doing it so she can help him with the bills. If she was already staying there and will be moving in permanently why would it be a problem for her to contribute something to the bills? or buy food?

 

My brother should still pay the mortgage, car note, car insurance, electric, water, food and someone is living there who also has a full time job?

[ExpatInItaly]

No idea, your Mom's concern is strange.

[Viking]

...does your brother still live at home? Just kidding. It makes sense for both parties, but I would caution to not get too comfy. It leads to a falling out later in many cases.

[mikeylo]

I dont understand the concerns.If she is moving in, they both might have sorted out the finances.

[4kad]

I dont understand the concerns.If she is moving in, they both might have sorted out the finances.

 

My mom feels that he will break her heart in the long run and only moving her in now to help with the bills.

 

My brother moved in his house in August and has been borrowing money from my mom ever since because he hasn't been doing too well managing his finances. I mean a house, a car, and bills is a lot for one person and he just maybe looking for help. lol

 

And I see nothing wrong with it if she is moving in permanently

[4kad]

I dont understand the concerns.If she is moving in, they both might have sorted out the finances.

 

I think it's because a year ago he was saying she was not a good match for him and now a year later she is so that makes her think she is moving in to help him.

 

But what is wrong with that if they are a couple and she is always there anyway???

[GoldSparkz]

Its interesting that your mum is supporting the gf more so than her own son, which speaks volumes about how she feels about the situation.

 

Has your brother been in a similar situation? I.e. where he's struggled for money and relied on someone else? Perhaps your mum doesn't want to see him take advantage of his gf because she is a good person.

[jiffysound]

I would worry about *squatting rights* and the type of situation where a person can claim that they have lived in a certain place for a while and they can't be evicted. Just to have your ducks in a row, legally speaking. As for the mom's reaction to her moving in, speaks volumes as to your brothers actions and past decisions which seem to be net loss. So basically both parties should know each others rights, and figure out the money issues, such as : does she use his car? If so she should chip in for the cars upkeep. Will she be using his utilities (obviously yes) therefore they should set up a payment method there. Is there a mortgage payment, if so, she should also chip in towards said payment. She should also put some money away, in case things go sour and she has to move out.

[d0nnivain]

Your mother probably has valid concerns & your brother is moving the GF in for all the wrong reasons. If money is an issue he has better options: downsizing; getting a 2nd job or a better paying job; or getting a same sex housemate.

 

 

Financially relying on the GF when he doesn't really love her to make that level of a commitment otherwise will not bring everlasting happiness & your mom is smart enough to see that.

 

 

However if it's not mom's house, she has to keep her mouth shut. Her son is a grown man. He's allowed to make mistakes & screw up his life. Mom needs to be courteous & gracious to the GF because for now she will be around a lot. Unless she is abusive or destructive in the relationship, the choice to live with her is solely your brother's.

[4kad]

Your mother probably has valid concerns & your brother is moving the GF in for all the wrong reasons. If money is an issue he has better options: downsizing; getting a 2nd job or a better paying job; or getting a same sex housemate.

 

 

Financially relying on the GF when he doesn't really love her to make that level of a commitment otherwise will not bring everlasting happiness & your mom is smart enough to see that.

 

 

However if it's not mom's house, she has to keep her mouth shut. Her son is a grown man. He's allowed to make mistakes & screw up his life. Mom needs to be courteous & gracious to the GF because for now she will be around a lot. Unless she is abusive or destructive in the relationship, the choice to live with her is solely your brother's.

 

 

She feels that way because since getting the house in August , my brother has been borrowing money from my mom. So that's why she feels he is moving the girlfriend in his house.

[Gaeta]

However if it's not mom's house, she has to keep her mouth shut. Her son is a grown man. He's allowed to make mistakes & screw up his life.

Well that's debatable. The son has been borrowing money from his mother since August so he won't lose the house. There is nothing grown up there. When my adult daughter needs money from me well...that allows me to comment on what she's doing with the money.

[d0nnivain]

Well that's debatable. The son has been borrowing money from his mother since August so he won't lose the house. There is nothing grown up there. When my adult daughter needs money from me well...that allows me to comment on what she's doing with the money.

 

Yes & know. I just don't want mom to come across as so judgmental that the GF gets caught in the middle & feels like mom doesn't like her.

 

 

Mom making her position clear to adult son, isn't the worst thing but if mom harps on this, it could be disastrous.

 

 

I still think the son has better options to make ends meet then moving in the GF. He's not ready for the commitment he's making her but I feel for the GF who may think he's moving her in because he loves her & wants to save money. If asked, I bet the GF says that the move is all about love not financial convenience / need / dependence.

[Gaeta]

I still think the son has better options to make ends meet then moving in the GF. He's not ready for the commitment he's making her but I feel for the GF who may think he's moving her in because he loves her & wants to save money. If asked, I bet the GF says that the move is all about love not financial convenience / need / dependence.

 

Absolutely agree. It's even cruel to let the girlfriend think their relationship is escalating to the next level. He could simply get a bunch of room-mates to share the cost.

 

The mom is upset at her son for playing this poor girl.

[smackie9]

They are adults they can do whatever they want. The GF has made a choice to move in, it will be her responsibility to handle whatever happens in the future. If the relationship fails, oh well she can just move out and go live her life somewhere else just like so many do everyday. If she isn't living there, she would be paying rent, food, utilities, etc somewhere else.

 

Your mom should be happy she no longer has to foot the bill for his living expenses.

 

Basically it's none of anyone's concern, not even your mother's. If your brother is a user, he will have to take the consequences for his actions. BUT no one really knows the real status of your brother's feelings towards her...just maybe things are different from a year ago....some people will have doubts at the beginning of a relationship....then things just end up working out.

[4kad]

They are adults they can do whatever they want. The GF has made a choice to move in, it will be her responsibility to handle whatever happens in the future. If the relationship fails, oh well she can just move out and go live her life somewhere else just like so many do everyday. If she isn't living there, she would be paying rent, food, utilities, etc somewhere else.

 

Your mom should be happy she no longer has to foot the bill for his living expenses.

 

Basically it's none of anyone's concern, not even your mother's. If your brother is a user, he will have to take the consequences for his actions. BUT no one really knows the real status of your brother's feelings towards her...just maybe things are different from a year ago....some people will have doubts at the beginning of a relationship....then things just end up working out.

 

 

 

He told my mom that it not for convenience and it's plenty of girls he could have move in if ge wanted it to be for convenience.

[smackie9]

He told my mom that it not for convenience and it's plenty of girls he could have move in if ge wanted it to be for convenience.

 

 

What I see is him manning up and building a future with his GF.

 

I would be more concerned about your mother's low opinion of her own son. Or is she making excuses because he will no longer be depending on her....?

[kendahke]

She feels that way because since getting the house in August , my brother has been borrowing money from my mom. So that's why she feels he is moving the girlfriend in his house.

 

Would she be this concerned if he was moving in a buddy who wasn't reliable to help him pay the bills, too?

 

If the girlfriend is reliable in paying her bills on time, and he has her sign a lease agreement so he's legally protected, then that's all that should matter. He shouldn't let her just move in without some legal formality.