ExposedBrick Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I'm an American guy in my early 30s. I recently went out with a European woman twice. She is working in the US. I really enjoyed the two dates so far but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed dating someone from another culture. We communicate in English but at times it has been a little difficult. Regardless, I am very attracted to her. She also seems interested in me. Does anyone have any tips for experimenting with cross cultural dating? It's exciting but somewhat intimidating.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 My first tip: don't view people as monolithic stereotypes. Treat her as an individual that you get to know, just like anyone else. 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Where in Europe is she from? It would help to know what cultural differences you may be experiencing specifically. 2
Erik30 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Where in Europe is she from? It would help to know what cultural differences you may be experiencing specifically. ^ This. If she's from a country in Western Europe, I can't imagine there being big cultural differences. (I'm European) Unless there's a language barrier which might cause some misunderstanding. Maybe you're focussing too much on her being from Europe
anduina Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 My boyfriend's Western European. There are some differences in superficial issues like diet and how our environments behave (eg. Drug stores still close on Sunday in his country.) but our important values align. We communicate in English since he's fluent in three languages and speaks another three haltingly.
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) Djshevdhebdb Edited February 16, 2017 by ExposedBrick
GoldSparkz Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 It will be interesting to know where in Europe she is from. It helps to be open minded and accommodating to cultural differences but remembering that we all want the same thing at the end of the day...love and happiness.
sealegs Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I would just say appreciate the differences, but don't dwell on them. If you are dating her you are clearly open to other cultures and stuff, so I would say show interest when something comes up that is different, but don't worry too much about it. The more you worry about it the more awkward it could get. Plus, I am sure she is feeling some of the same things about you, and wondering how to go about things. So I would just say keep things light hearted and be interested in her and the important things regarding her culture and you will be just fine.
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) I would just say appreciate the differences, but don't dwell on them. If you are dating her you are clearly open to other cultures and stuff, so I would say show interest when something comes up that is different, but don't worry too much about it. The more you worry about it the more awkward it could get. Plus, I am sure she is feeling some of the same things about you, and wondering how to go about things. So I would just say keep things light hearted and be interested in her and the important things regarding her culture and you will be just fine. She is Spanish, so culturally not much different. There is a slight language barrier, a little more than expected from a Western European. I'm a little bit concerned about the language barrier as she isn't familiar with many slang terms or figures of speech, so making jokes/expressing humor could be tricky. I'm also concerned she'll ultimately want to move back to Spain. She recently turned 30 and seems confused about what she wants in life, like many western people. I'm 33 and don't know if I want to waste time on a project. I want to have a family and don't want to wait too much longer. That being said, there is an incredible mutual attraction. I'm so intrigued by her and can't help but feel like I'm falling for her. She has an amazing, refreshing personality. The intrigue of dating a foreign woman is much more than I expected. I feel torn between pursuing her and continuing to explore other options. After four dates, would it be wrong to continue exploring other options? I feel like I'm really trying to avoid getting hurt. Edited February 16, 2017 by ExposedBrick
sealegs Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 She is Spanish, so culturally not much different. There is a slight language barrier, a little more than expected from a Western European. I'm a little bit concerned about the language barrier as she isn't familiar with many slang terms or figures of speech, so making jokes/expressing humor could be tricky. I'm also concerned she'll ultimately want to move back to Spain. She recently turned 30 and seems confused about what she wants in life, like many western people. I'm 33 and don't know if I want to waste time on a project. I want to have a family and don't want to wait too much longer. That being said, there is an incredible mutual attraction. I'm so intrigued by her and can't help but feel like I'm falling for her. She has an amazing, refreshing personality. The intrigue of dating a foreign woman is much more than I expected. I feel torn between pursuing her and continuing to explore other options. After four dates, would it be wrong to continue exploring other options? I feel like I'm really trying to avoid getting hurt. Language barrier can be difficult, but I would just use the opportunity and maybe turn it into something fun. Like if she doesn't understand some slang you use, maybe make a joke about how the slang term makes no sense or whatever. Basically use the opportunity to make a light hearted moment out of it. Just don't joke about how she doesn't understand it, because that could be a sensitive spot. But basically use it as an opportunity to have something to talk and joke about. As far as I have experienced, almost everyone is at least a little uncertain about what they want in life, so I wouldn't think too much about the future and what might happen. It is understandable to worry about where things might go or wanting to avoid being hurt, but that could end up keeping great things from happening too. And I guess after only 4 dates you could explore other options as well, unless you already have an understanding to be exclusive. However, even without that understanding you can shoot yourself in the foot if she is really into you and she finds out you are going on other dates and stuff. Overall though, I would say don't worry too much about the future, because no matter how much you plan it will always be uncertain. But if you are really into this woman and she is into you I would go with it rather than worrying too much and potentially missing out on something good.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 My bf and I are both from dual-culture. He is Caribbean-european and I am French-Canadian. Both of us carry 2 cultures so that's 4 cultures interfering between him and I. My best advice is to always double check you fully understand the meaning of things and ASK before assuming and panicking. Be open minded and non judgmental. Be flexible, your way isn't the right way, it's just a different way. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 However, even without that understanding you can shoot yourself in the foot if she is really into you and she finds out you are going on other dates and . Do you think this is a likely situation? I just got back into dating after the end of a relationship 2 year relationship and a Few months to re-group. I havent had much time to get a feel for the field again.
Sweetgirl28 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Honestly, the fact that you have doubts despite the attraction spells trouble imo. Attraction is great but it doesn't make relationships last forever. Being nice to each other is just a normal thing to do in the early stages of dating. However, there is a downside to dating a person from Spain. If you were to get married; are you ready for raising your children in two languages? Are you ok with her speaking Spanish around the house? Are you ok with spending nearly all your annual summer vacations in Spain to go see her family? And most of all, are you fine with eating Spanish food for the rest of your life? These are real issues to some people. Think about this before you proceed.
sealegs Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Do you think this is a likely situation? I just got back into dating after the end of a relationship 2 year relationship and a Few months to re-group. I havent had much time to get a feel for the field again. Definitely not saying you should settle down or anything like that. Just saying that depending on the person, some will get upset or at least turned off if they find out you are dating other women. Depends how serious she thinks things are and how much she is into you. And she may or may not find out, that's just more a matter of chance. But yeah, just something to think about. If I were really into a girl I might not take my chances, but if you still feel like you want to see the field some more and you are not ready to commit then you might want to follow how you feel on that.
Hyperfocal Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I've dated some In some cases they have the potential to be more humble because their options are more limited. Her family's regard for you and her permanent ability to move will be obstacles to consider; as said earlier by another and yourself. Having been there I'd say I would actually go for the European ones by a very slight preference if all other things are equal and it looks like they can stay. Don't lose sight of the typical assessments, relational history, values, emotional stability. Good luck, or "buen provecho!"
Chilli Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) My gf's Italian but she lived in the states 20yrs. l'm Australian. She basically lives the same as me and likes a lot of the same things and speaks perfect English apart from a very strong accent,which l also love yet , she can take things very very differently to how l'd mean the. And man did we get into some mix ups and tangles early in. But over all we grew past most of them as we got each other better and better and more and more from there. These days she gets most of things l say and vice verse. We talk better than anyone l've ever known actually. l love her Italiana though , soooo different to a western chick. Things will always be a bit different but that's actually one of the huge parts we love about us more and more as time goes on. With her it's not so much cultural things though although she does cook a lot of gorgeous Italian food. However we do still have to get pst the her moving here hurdle . There's plenty of Italians here it's not that but l'm just never sure if where l live or the could maybe move too later options , are something that would suit her personally. Thats gonna make us or break us l'm afraid. Edited February 20, 2017 by Chilli
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