I think my girlfriend maybe suffering from depression and do not know anymore

[kunaka1000]

I have been with my long distance girlfriend for a year now, she is older than me and has a beautiful daughter.

 

I love her to bits and don't see anyone else except for her but she's really got me worried

 

over the year she's had episodes where she becomes so emotional and starts talking of how she wasn't born to be happy since she was neglected from birth by her own mom and only met her at 25, her own mom didn't want her and cannot find happiness even more she's a single mom and a waitress and financially it's challenging and currently is sick with TB.

 

its always I'm not happy I'm tired of not being happy I don't deserve to be happy every time she's gets this emotional,and only time she's happy is when she drinks alcohol it's even worse she drinks at work so shes happy and herself around people

 

she gave me a scare one of the worst feelings u can feel when she wanted to take her life and whats worst i couldnt do anything because i was so far i had to call everyone i knew close to her to help and we talked and promised she would never do that agai but it was a long time ago and nothing of that sort now, i try my best to calm her down I always do talk to her till she's feeling better and is reasonable again

 

just today early morning she was in that state again, crying saying she's tired of not finding happiness and why I put up with her and that I do not really know her she's a psycho and intentionally starts fight with me to have a challenge and we talked because i know its not really her talking and eventually talked her down n told her I want her to write down everything she thinks she needs and can or will make her happy and we will try find solution or plan on how to get her there

 

I'm so worried and I don't know what to do anymore I hate having her like this, please if anyone has any advise I would appreciate it

 

Thank You

[preraph]

What you can do is make an anonymous (request it remain anonymous) call to Child Protective Services in her city or county (probably county) and tell them she has a child, is depressed and drinking and sometimes suicidal. Tell them you want them to check on the child and ask if they can arrange a wellness check on the mom, which may be a related agency they can contact. You have to protect the child here. They can talk to her and maybe even get her some help through other social services.

[ironspider]

I can't possibly agree with the above posters suggestion. She made no mention of harming the child. Don't call CPS unless the child is in danger, CPS could drive her over the edge.

[OatsAndHall]

Yes, this woman is dealing with depression and she's using alcohol to self-medicate. And, threats of suicide shouldn't be taken lightly, AT all. She is going to be caught in a vicious circle of addiction and mental illness (if she isn't already) if she doesn't get help.

 

A CPS call right now really won't do you any good as there has to be pretty firm evidence of instability or abuse to get them to act. I have first hand experience a my ex wife and a school nurse made several CPS calls regarding her ex and my former step sons. They were engaging in dangerous behavior (messing around with a bonfire and fireworks) and coming home with minor burns. CPS investigated, determined that the children were supervised at the time but were screwing around and their father and other family members said that they would make sure the kids weren't allowed around bonfires or fireworks. I am also a teacher who has worked in a treatment center for emotionally disturbed youth so I've had my fair share of experiences with CPS.

 

I would suggest that you and her family and friends get together and discuss these issues with her. She needs to seek medical attention ASAP to deal with this. Call the police if she makes another threat of suicide and (hopefully) they will handle the situation. She will be taken to the hospital is the police feel she is a threat to herself in anyway. Most police don't take this lightly as they have the authority to involuntarily commit someone if there is clear evidence that the person is suicidal. I hope that it doesn't get to that point but that's really your last resort.

[bluefeather]

I hate having her like this

 

You don't have her.

 

I'm sorry because I know the advice I can give you is not what you would want to hear. This woman sounds like she has mental health problems, and it sounds like she is not going to change. I think the best thing you can do is advise her to seek help in the form of some kind of therapy. If she won't do that, I would advise you to distance yourself from her and begin to look at yourself and see how you can begin to grow into a person who desires a healthy relationship.

 

Once someone actually attempts to commit suicide, that is an immediate red flag for me. Not to say that they don't deserve romance, but that they are in a bigger danger than that kind of relationship can assist with. And the beautiful daughter you mentioned is also in danger, of becoming traumatized by the mother, or, perhaps equally as bad, learning to act as her mother does.

[smackie9]

This isn't your responsibility, it is the responsibility of the authorities and family members to handle.

 

Please make the appropriate phone calls to save her life and get the right people involved. She needs professional help.

 

To add she is in no condition to be in a relaitonship....it only complicates things and can interfere with her recovery.

Edited February 11, 2017 by smackie9

[Gaeta]

I don't know where you are from but in my Country when something like this happens we call an ambulance. Once she is at the hospital they will have her see a psychiatrist and they will medicate her, sounds like she needs it. She will be assigned a mental health professional that will follow up with her.

 

You need to do something and you need to do it soon. Don't wait for something tragic to happen.

[preraph]

I can't possibly agree with the above posters suggestion. She made no mention of harming the child. Don't call CPS unless the child is in danger, CPS could drive her over the edge.

 

Seriously, you think a suicidal person isn't a threat to the child's wellbeing?

[ironspider]

Seriously, you think a suicidal person isn't a threat to the child's wellbeing?

 

"It was a long time ago and nothing of the sort lately" OP

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, have you met her in person?

 

I have had TB myself and it is no joke. Is she receiving any treatment at all? I required a lot of medical care and hospitalization. I am quite surprised she is still able to work and drink alcohol in this condition. When was she diagnosed?

 

If she is threatening to harm herself, you must contact emergency services in her area. Her and her child's welfare is at stake, and you have a responsibility to that baby if you know her mother is unwell or unstable.

[kunaka1000]

OP, have you met her in person?

 

I have had TB myself and it is no joke. Is she receiving any treatment at all? I required a lot of medical care and hospitalization. I am quite surprised she is still able to work and drink alcohol in this condition. When was she diagnosed?

 

If she is threatening to harm herself, you must contact emergency services in her area. Her and her child's welfare is at stake, and you have a responsibility to that baby if you know her mother is unwell or unstable.

 

Yes we've met and the plan was to meet again this April

 

Yes she was diagnosed last year August and she's expected to end her treatment this month which is good news, and she hasn't threatened to harm herself not from the time she thought of suicide which was a long time back, I love her daughter like my own the problem becomes the distance

[lionlover1973]

I agree with Gaeta - although I would suggest contacting law enforcement first as they are trained in suicide prevention and will intervene.

 

They will contact the paramedics and admit her to the ER, IF they believe she is at risk of hurting herself and/or others. They will put her on suicide watch and perform a psychiatric evaluation to determine what level of care she requires (i.e. inpatient; partial care; etc.).

 

If she is admitted to Inpatient Care- she will be there for an unspecified amount of time - only until she is deemed stable will they discharge her and on the basis of continued aftercare (i.e. outpatient) to receive the required treatment.

 

As for the child, it is unlikely a court will seize a child simply because of mental health difficulties demonstrated by a parent. There needs to be sufficient evidence of immediate danger to the child as determined by law, not just because a parent has 'depression'.

 

Her depression must be aggressively treated and you are not trained nor skilled in this area to handle it. She may even have some other disorder (i.e. mental illness or personality disorder) that she may not even be aware of herself.

 

Add alcohol abuse to the equation and you have a deadly combination.

 

Sorry you are going through this - you can be supportive by trying to help her continue professional help. Depending on her diagnosis, she needs continued care and indefinitely. There are many resources available online to do this, and depending on your level of desire, you may even choose to consult with a mental health professional to help guide you in the right direction.

 

Good luck!

Edited February 11, 2017 by lionlover1973

[basil67]

Personally, I would have walked long ago. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

 

But if I did decide to stay, I would be giving some tough love. Most of all, I would make the future of the relationship contingent on her seeking help for her mental health.

[BaileyB]

OP, with all due respect you have made several posts this past year with similar concerns... All stemming from the struggles this woman has with her mental health.

 

This is waaaaayyyyyyyyy too much drama for a long distance relationship. I would not stay with a woman who is so unstable. You would be well advised to try and find someone who is healthier and happier, closer to home.