ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I met this lovely single mom on cupid, we immediately hit it off. We've been texting daily throughout the day, like we've know each other for years, a couple phone calls too. As you know, single moms typically have a difficult time getting free, I understand this As I'm a single dad. It's been 10 days since we started talking. But. Had a date scheduled for yesterday but due to the huge snow storm something in her ex hubbies sched changed so her son wasn't going with him till today. We rescheduled for sunday lunch. I text her today just saying good morning and she tells me that a family friend died, another perfectly reasonable cancellation I guess. My question is: At what point do I stop being interested without meeting in person? I usually would never contact again after the first cancel but we are friends on FB have both home/cell numbers etc. and simply get along great. How do I proceed?
SevenCity Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I met this lovely single mom on cupid, we immediately hit it off. We've been texting daily throughout the day, like we've know each other for years, a couple phone calls too. As you know, single moms typically have a difficult time getting free, I understand this As I'm a single dad. It's been 10 days since we started talking. But. Had a date scheduled for yesterday but due to the huge snow storm something in her ex hubbies sched changed so her son wasn't going with him till today. We rescheduled for sunday lunch. I text her today just saying good morning and she tells me that a family friend died, another perfectly reasonable cancellation I guess. My question is: At what point do I stop being interested without meeting in person? I usually would never contact again after the first cancel but we are friends on FB have both home/cell numbers etc. and simply get along great. How do I proceed? Did she offer an alternative? If a girl cancels a first date I'm out unless it is some sort of emergency. If she cancels another date I would delete her number. As you have a kid and are making room in your schedule you should expect the same from her. I would say "Hey no problem. Give me a call when you know your schedule and we'll plan something then". And then never call her unless she reaches out. Regardless how much you like her, she is flaking on you. Your level of attraction has no influence on hers. 2
BlueRidgeMT Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Well..the excuses she gave are kinda hard to overlook. I mean...we got hit by that snowstorm, and EVERYTHING up here just about came to a standstill. so, that's definitely understood. Now, a friend died? Well..is it true? That's kinda hard to overlook too. An older friend of our family just died too. So, almost the same thing happened to me. I would say give it one more shot.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Well, there really was a snow storm that disrupted most people's schedules. And she has no control over another person's death. Give her your condolences and ask her to contact you after the funeral to reschedule. If you don't hear from her, reach out in ten days. If you aren't able to schedule a date at that point, then I would move on.
Author ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 She didn't come out and cancel tomorrow, but made it seem like she will be at some point. I, for obvious reasons, concentrated on offering my help, if she needs to talk etc. rather than confirming tomorrow's date. We will be texting later after an appt she has. So there has not yet been an opportunity to offer an alternative. I should expand on this a little. My daughter is 17 her son is 6. Big difference in ability to get free for a date. One of the attractions to her is her attachment to her son. I'm attracted to women who show they are good moms, its a big thing to me. If she doesn't come out and cancel, I'm not sure I can ask about tomorrow without sounding like a selfish jerk. At the same time, I'd like to schedule another date with someone else if she does cancel. Of course, like sevencity said, I'm usually out after the first cancel, but seemed reasonable and this one is certainly reasonable.
Sara1989 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I am a single mum and I find the fact she canceled two dates in a row very dubious. I would give her one last chance and if she cancels again, write her off. There are a lot of people from od who just want chat but never actually meet, she may be one of those.
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 The ball is in her court, date other women...... 3
Author ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 I am a single mum and I find the fact she canceled two dates in a row very dubious. I would give her one last chance and if she cancels again, write her off. There are a lot of people from od who just want chat but never actually meet, she may be one of those. I heard there are some of those "chatters" on there but I've been on for a while and have yet to experience that. It's actually been quite good for me.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 If she doesn't come out and cancel, I'm not sure I can ask about tomorrow without sounding like a selfish jerk. At the same time, I'd like to schedule another date with someone else if she does cancel. How you approach it depends a little on who passed away. Is it her mom's best friend who was like a second mother to her? Or her brother's kindergarten classmate that they haven't seen in decades? Personally, I would have asked if she wanted to reschedule at the time she mentioned the death. Since that didn't come up, perhaps phrase it as: I'm sure XYZ's passing was quite a shock. I don't know what plans or arrangements, if any, are in place yet. Would it be easier for you if we rescheduled our date to next week or the week after. Obviously, I want to meet you but I also want to be sensitive to what's happening in your life right now.
Author ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 It was a close family friend, someone whom she grew up with and treated her like their child. She even posted about it on FB. Update though.... She texted back like she said she would asking about my day, also saying she's trying not to think too much. I responded with assurance and asked if she would like to go out tonight as maybe that'll help with not thinking too much. Her response was curious. "I will text you back in a bit I'm just going to clear my head" Gave no indication of a yes or no. That sounds like a no to me.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I'm glad you responded as you did. Still I'm guessing you're never had someone close to you pass away. You go through a lot of emotions. That's neither a yes or no. Take your cues from her...that is if you're interested in dating her.
Author ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 I'm glad you responded as you did. Still I'm guessing you're never had someone close to you pass away. You go through a lot of emotions. That's neither a yes or no. Take your cues from her...that is if you're interested in dating her. I am very interested. I've met a lot of women in the past year, been having a ton of fun but she seems like a keeper. That's if I can get her lol. My first date ever off of a dating site was a couple days after my grandfather died. This lady was so helpful in keeping my mind off of it, she knew exactly what to say and do. I only wish I was as good as her in this instance.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Everyone is going to react differently to the death of a loved one. The key to being a valuable support is reading what the person needs in that moment and adjusting, rather than having a set script that you follow. I hope you meet soon, and it goes well.
Author ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 My female comprehension skills are reprehensible.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 They seem fine in this thread. What makes you say that?
Author ironspider Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 They seem fine in this thread. What makes you say that? If I did things right that was by total accident. I normally never know what to do. Like asking her to go out tonight. The more I think about it the more I think I shouldn't have, like maybe she'll think I'm being pushy. I almost want to apologize for asking.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Don't apologize! It wasn't right or wrong. It was just an offer. For some people, it's helpful. For others, not so much. It's not a mistake. Try not to second guess yourself. Just do what comes naturally. So far you've done just fine by being yourself.
dispatch3d Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 3 cancels makes my head spin. I'd just give up at this point. Also wouldn't have done the lets go out tonight, lotta people want a bit of warning to get ready for a date. Next time if you know a snowstorm is coming on a particular day preemptively reschedule to avoid the cancel scenario which will happen often. 1
TheTraveler Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Did she offer an alternative? If a girl cancels a first date I'm out unless it is some sort of emergency. If she cancels another date I would delete her number. As you have a kid and are making room in your schedule you should expect the same from her. I would say "Hey no problem. Give me a call when you know your schedule and we'll plan something then". And then never call her unless she reaches out. Regardless how much you like her, she is flaking on you. Your level of attraction has no influence on hers. Oyyyy every time i see your posts i see Corey Wayne geez man get original in life
Author ironspider Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 So she didn't cancel. In fact, we looked at the weather all day and she decided to come out in the freezing rain/snow. It went well, not as well as I would've liked but we do have a coffee date scheduled in a couple days.
SevenCity Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Oyyyy every time i see your posts i see Corey Wayne geez man get original in life I use what works. You don't like it, don't look at my posts.
Larryville Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Did she offer an alternative? If a girl cancels a first date I'm out unless it is some sort of emergency. If she cancels another date I would delete her number. The ball is in her court, date other women...... I’m gonna repeat myself, and I know I will say again and again first as Smack said date other women, why so many of you dude focus so quickly on one chick that gives you attention is beyond me. A woman who is serious interested, won’t cancel and will figure out how to meet you IF SHE IS TRULY INTERESTED. But again you think you are the only person she is conversing with? Unless she is homely she talking to other dudes. Either date other women, multiple until things shake out or take a number.
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