Asked a girl out [UPDATE: She rejected me. I'm visiting a brothel this weekend.]

March 2, 2017

There are not too many girls in my social circle. The ones who are have only given me generic advice such as be charming and nice.

Are you good enough friends to press them for more specifics. Like is there anything that they see about you that is not charming or nice? Can they give you any pointers about what they see you doing or not doing that is causing women to not agree to go out with you?

March 2, 2017

Most people are smart enough to know there is no upside to critiquing someone you know IRL who claims they want unvarnished feedback about what they're doing wrong.

Better to focus instead on the positive--things he could be doing.

Example: You said I should be charming. Could you give me an example of what you mean by that?

March 2, 2017

Mumbles, how late did you get your first experience? What caused you to be a late bloomer and how did you get out of it?

I won't divulge that here, not because its any particular secret, I've mentioned it in other posts I've made over time, but the main reason is that I don't want to derail the thinking here.

I'm a different demographic to you, and substantially so, I'm nearly 50. When I was young, things really were, truly, different to nowadays. People still married young, and generally had their first child when the man was still 20-25, the girls were even younger. A goodly proportion of my peers left school for work at 15-16 and only a very tiny percentage went to university.... so, different times.

Nevertheless, I still remember being the 'odd man out' and can understand your longing.

How I ended up losing my V was completely by chance really - the chance of meeting and falling heavily for a girl who was very sexually driven shall we say.... again, different times. Today, such a lovely young lady would neatly fit very well within the average of behaviour for someone her age.

My first real and LTR happened relatively shortly afterwards (with a different girl). I can't say that the two things were linked, though I guess in truth the one drove me inexorably towards the other with even greater vigour then before.

March 2, 2017

There are not too many girls in my social circle. The ones who are have only given me generic advice such as be charming and nice.

I mean, fine, thats fine. Its pretty generic though. Though these girls are part of your circle, do you actually know them very well? Sounds a bit weird, but are they periphery to your circle or really a part of it?

The thing is, even from your posts here, I can see that you are a man of few words. Thats fine, we all have our own personalities and I was quite reserved as a young man as well.

But, you've got to find a way to break out of your shell a bit. Answer questions as they present, sure, but then ask your own leading questions, and learn to develop conversational skill. The girls in your circle can help you with this. Use them to develop your skills.

Where you want to be is a place where the girls you already know feel comfortable enough with you, and your personality, that they will readily and willingly 'vouch' for you with their own girlfriends - this still might not end up with you having a date but should, at the very least, vastly increase your circle of female friends and acquaintances. As a single guy, this is where you want to be - surrounded by women who actually like you and will introduce you to still more women.

March 2, 2017

I'm trying to think of situations where I see a very short men with others.

I have definitely noticed this amongst little people dating other little people, latinos dating other latinos, asians other asians, etc

I've seen 5'5" white/black guys have no problems dating women, but they're usually with women 5'3" or shorter. They tend to be super outgoing and built.

As I mentioned before in your other thread, you should definitely look into custom shoes/boots that give you 4-5" in lift. This is common in the movie industry. Look it up

March 2, 2017

The girls in my social circle are close, but not very close to me. Ive asked them for advice, but rarely got anything specific. I used to be shy an not that social, but over the years, Ive fixed it and have made a bunch of friends. It seems that my social skills work on guys and getting into the friend zone, but not a girlfriend. Ive had nonstop bad luck with rejection and finding girls that I connect with, but are unavailable. It gets frustration. I know that I should be happy being single, but without a special someone, life gets boring.

March 2, 2017

The girls in my social circle are close, but not very close to me. Ive asked them for advice, but rarely got anything specific. I used to be shy an not that social, but over the years, Ive fixed it and have made a bunch of friends. It seems that my social skills work on guys and getting into the friend zone, but not a girlfriend. Ive had nonstop bad luck with rejection and finding girls that I connect with, but are unavailable. It gets frustration. I know that I should be happy being single, but without a special someone, life gets boring.

Okay, a number of things: Don't ask the girls for advice but the guys. The girls have not been in your situation, but your guy friends have. Even if you just go out with them an observe, you will probably learn a thing or two. The most important not taking rejection too personally. Most woman are nice about it, an your goal is not to be attractive to every woman, but simply to find the right one.

I was so a virgin until college, a typical nerd. I also had a lot of male friends during high school, and to be honest, it is one of the parts of my life I remember as being truly fascinating. Plenty of friends to do stuff with, from playing soccer, travelling, concerts, without anybody to hold you back. I know that you're looking for a woman, but please enjoy the present. It may not seem that way right now, but finding a gf really isn't that important.

March 2, 2017

I was so a virgin until college, a typical nerd. I also had a lot of male friends during high school, and to be honest, it is one of the parts of my life I remember as being truly fascinating. Plenty of friends to do stuff with, from playing soccer, travelling, concerts, without anybody to hold you back. I know that you're looking for a woman, but please enjoy the present. It may not seem that way right now, but finding a gf really isn't that important.

Absolutely agree with all that except perhaps a nuance on the last bit.

Its probably a common experience for young men, <22-23, lots of males friends and you all get up to pretty male things. Its certainly a fun and interesting stage of life. It doesn't last, as many in middle age report (me included) and so yes, absolutely, as with being a child, enjoy while you can, because that time won't come back.

But

Sex is a primal and almost irresistible urge. Its easy enough for those of us getting some to mentally postulate that you can just push the urge aside ... but its incredibly difficult when you're living the reality of celibacy.

March 2, 2017

[...]
Sex is a primal and almost irresistible urge. Its easy enough for those of us getting some to mentally postulate that you can just push the urge aside ... but its incredibly difficult when you're living the reality of celibacy.

Trust me, I know how it felt. But it's almost a Zen thing, you have to let go to a certain degree in order to achieve it. So I practiced sublimation and put as much effort into my studies and my friendships as I could. Chances are that you become an interesting person if you show passion for something, may that be sports, political activism, science, it really doesn't matter.

March 3, 2017

Well, I finally did it. I payed to remove my virginity. Cant believe i didn't do this sooner. I don't plan on telling this to any girl I form a relationship with. Now with that off my mind, I can resume on asking girl out. Since none of the girls in my social circle are available, I am left with only two options. One is to cold approach on campus. The other is to look at overseas dating. I know there is a risk of scams, but that can happen in any form of dating.

March 3, 2017

The fact that you are going in with the intention of concealing the above is very dishonest and not a good start to any romance. You deserve someone will equally conceal information from you.

March 3, 2017

I disagree. It is nobody's business how one lost their virginity. I don't care how my girlfriend did nor does she care how I did. All that matters is if you are safe in practicing sex.

Paying someone to have sex with you once is not that different than a one night stand really.

March 3, 2017

Since none of the girls in my social circle are available, I am left with only two options. One is to cold approach on campus. The other is to look at overseas dating.

Wrong. Your 3rd option is best. Make close friends with a few girls, then ask them to help you find another girl to date.

Girls LOVE setting up their friends. If girls aren't willing to do this then they are not really your friend.

March 3, 2017

I'm trying to think of situations where I see a very short men with others.

I have definitely noticed this amongst little people dating other little people, latinos dating other latinos, asians other asians, etc

I've seen 5'5" white/black guys have no problems dating women, but they're usually with women 5'3" or shorter. They tend to be super outgoing and built.

As I mentioned before in your other thread, you should definitely look into custom shoes/boots that give you 4-5" in lift. This is common in the movie industry. Look it up

dont know if custom shoes are the way to go.....some girls might see it as misleading especially ones who go for height....it wouldnt bother me honestly i would understand the insecurity..we all have them......but confidence with who he is how tall he is and developing people skills i feel would go a lot further for this poster with women than custom shoes........deb

March 3, 2017

Mkn1010, every relationship has some kind of secrets. It is no ones business on how their partner loses their virginity as long as they don't have STDs. PogoStick, I tried that method, but found no one. Strange, whenever there was a girl single, she would say that she is too busy to date, till a taller good looking guy came along. None of my friends successfully set me up. todreaminblue, Ive worked on my social skills, and i can make friends easily, but still cant get a girlfriend. Nothing I do works.

March 3, 2017

Mkn1010, every relationship has some kind of secrets. It is no ones business on how their partner loses their virginity as long as they don't have STDs. PogoStick, I tried that method, but found no one. Strange, whenever there was a girl single, she would say that she is too busy to date, till a taller good looking guy came along. None of my friends successfully set me up. todreaminblue, Ive worked on my social skills, and i can make friends easily, but still cant get a girlfriend. Nothing I do works.

if you can make friends easily are they women friends you can open up to?

March 3, 2017

It seems like the skills to make friends are different than the skills in getting a romantic partner. Making friends is easy. Ive made friends with lots of people, but none of them can set me up with a girlfriend. Ive tried your suggestion dozens of times. All I got was 1 date, but she was not interested.

March 3, 2017

It seems like the skills to make friends are different than the skills in getting a romantic partner. Making friends is easy. Ive made friends with lots of people, but none of them can set me up with a girlfriend. Ive tried your suggestion dozens of times. All I got was 1 date, but she was not interested.

and did you keep trying others after this one date? with other women.....asking them out i mean..not getting laid but asking women out? you do know everyone cops rejection too when it comes to dating right....

March 3, 2017

Paying someone to have sex with you once is not that different than a one night stand really.

WRONG

There's a huge difference when both a man and woman are into it and want to have sex with each other. And to add one night stands can be multiple sex, not just having sex one time

Edited March 3, 2017 by TheTraveler

March 3, 2017

todreaminblue, Ive tried all the girls in my social circle. Ive repeatedly said that expanding my social circle did not work. All I get are women too busy to date or girls who already have boyfriends. TheTraveler, paying for prostitutes is much better than nothing.

March 3, 2017

todreaminblue, Ive tried all the girls in my social circle. Ive repeatedly said that expanding my social circle did not work. All I get are women too busy to date or girls who already have boyfriends. TheTraveler, paying for prostitutes is much better than nothing.

you have tried taking advice from friends..... but are you really listening to them......being with a whore isnt better than nothing...in some cases it is worse....think about that....

for me as a woman...you are being really negative ...in your posts even..you wont give an inch of postivity...or yeah maybe i could do this or that.....you lack confidence and give up after a few tries....preferring to go this way

..gonna pay for it if i cant get it for free

[]

instead who has slept with 1500 plus or more....

had sex with ten centuries of men..

that will make me even more attractive to women

and give me allll the experience i need....

one time...with a hooker and then i can get it for free

such a great learning curve for me...........

not the way to attract a woman short guy ..not at all.....i wish you well..i cant offer you any advice you havent obviously heard before .....

but did they ever rhyme it to you....)

ill leave you to it...enjoy the hooker.....become her regular....thats the path you want to go

heres the last thing i want you to know

she might love you when you fall in love with her and treat her tender,......

and give you a discount and offers on services she did render...

frequent flyer bonus headjobs every month or two

i really do hope you choose a different life for you,

find an outlet build some positive memories,

release your confidence not with sex...but with creativity,

maybe even write some...poetry...;0)

.....good luck...and im not rhyming luck.........deb

Edited March 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

March 3, 2017

Well, I finally did it. I payed to remove my virginity. Cant believe i didn't do this sooner. I don't plan on telling this to any girl I form a relationship with.

And what will you tell her if she asks about previous experiences?

Now with that off my mind, I can resume on asking girl out. Since none of the girls in my social circle are available, I am left with only two options. One is to cold approach on campus. The other is to look at overseas dating.

Nonsense, you can simply wait an cultivate your approach to life and women. Once I figured out how to take things not so seriously it happened almost automatically. And there are all kinds of women out there, not only college girls.

I know there is a risk of scams, but that can happen in any form of dating.

Sorry, but arranged marriages with women from other countries is simply a business. A co-worker of mine fell for that and I pity him. His new wife is beautiful, but not interested in him in the slightest. But she now the boss at home.

Having a fulfilling relationship is simply something else, and you can't buy that, unfortunately.

March 3, 2017

Ive repeatedly said that expanding my social circle did not work. All I get are women too busy to date or girls who already have boyfriends.

What are you doing to expand your social circle? That is a serious Q. What does your circle consist of & how are you trying to expand it? I suspect you might not be taking enough risk.

My social consisted of childhood friends. Then it expanded to college friends -- girls I lived with & my sorority sisters. When I graduated & moved back home, they were all too far away. I never felt connected to people I met in grad school so I went back to my childhood friends & a few friends I made while tending bar working my way through college & grad school.

Got a grad school BF from class & hung out with him. When that ended I had no other grad school friends. Ended up dating & then living with a grad school professor. When that relationship ended all I had left was . . . you guessed it, my childhood friends.

So now here I was 35 & single, still hanging out with the same people from when I was 7. So, I made changes:

1. Took a summer share in a beach house

2. Tried to go speed dating. There weren't enough men.

3. Attended networking things to get business & meet people. Went to Chamber of Commerce events & business card exchanges

4. Went to singles events

5. Attended continuing education & industry events for my profession

6. Joined an entrepreneur's group

7. Got involved with the alumni associations for my high school, college, grad school & sorority

8. Volunteered for various political campaigns

9. Got a dog

10. Went to meet up group events. I liked one where the group met to play board games. As an only child who was now living alone as an adult it was fun to have somebody to play with, literally.

11. Joined a civic organization & did work for my community.

12. Volunteered to serve on the boards of trustees for causes I believed in

I was super busy as a result of all that. I made a ton of new friends. I got dates & eventually met & married my husband.

Sometimes going to new things / events where everybody knew everybody already was scary but eventually it became easier. My point is that you have to really make an effort so I ask again, what exactly are you doing to expand your social circle?

March 3, 2017

How you feeling now, having lost your V?

March 3, 2017

I feel relieved. I don't have any regrets doing this. In fact, I should have done this earlier

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Asked a girl out [UPDATE: She rejected me. I'm visiting a brothel this weekend.]

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