Asked a girl out [UPDATE: She rejected me. I'm visiting a brothel this weekend.]

[Short-Guy]

At least with hookers, I can remove my virginity without the b.s of dating. I know it isn't love, but it's better then nothing. I've asked about this on another thread.

[angel.eyes]

And then what? You still won't have a girl friend. You still won't have the social skills to interact with normal women. You still won't know how to hold a woman's interest. You still will lack empathy.

 

None of your underlying problems will be solved. Counseling or working with a dating coach might be a better option.

[todreaminblue]

wait what.......

 

you are searching for dates to lose your virginity too...that's not the way to view a potential date as your way to lose your virginity.... just like it is not a way for anyone to date someone thinking they are going to take that virginity...unless of course the woman is a hooker....and she gets your cash at the end who i m ore or less not concerned ....at what state you see her.........

 

 

look at making friends who are women first......save your virginity for someone you truly love.....or when you do lose it ...it wont be a good memory...it wotn be soemthing you want to remember;...think about having to tell a potential girlfriend...i have used a hooker...normally it wont stop at once...trust me......seeing sex workers is something you should disclose........deb

Edited February 28, 2017 by todreaminblue

[Short-Guy]

I really liked this girl. We both has similar interests. I've had dozens of crushes. I slso have had countless rejections. I am tired of living without any kind of intimacy. Tell me something. Do you know any guys around my height who are successful with women?

[todreaminblue]

I really liked this girl. We both has similar interests. I've had dozens of crushes. I slso have had countless rejections. I am tired of living without any kind of intimacy. Tell me something. Do you know any guys around my height who are successful with women?

 

how tall are you......deb

[Short-Guy]

I am 5 feet even. I am shorter than most girls

[todreaminblue]

I am 5 feet even. I am shorter than most girls

 

 

i went out with a five foot guy......he had actually had many girlfriends....before me....kept seeing them while with me.....till i found out....it wasnt his height that broke us up....i stopped being with him intimately the relationship became brother/sister mode.....

 

confidence.....= will get you a date...and not giving up when you get rejected and going to a hooker........deb

[Short-Guy]

I am not giving up by going to a hooker. All I am doing is getting some experience and confidence. Not only that, but I do get some degree of intimacy, even if it is fake. It is better than nothing

[todreaminblue]

I am not giving up by going to a hooker. All I am doing is getting some experience and confidence. Not only that, but I do get some degree of intimacy, even if it is fake. It is better than nothing

 

 

you reckon......

 

i am an ex hooker.....and it wont help you with confidence if anything it will mask what you really need which is socialization with women ...not hookers.....if you meet a nice girl later on...you will regret this choice....as an ex hooker.....trust me ok.....ill tell you whats going to happen the first time you see a hooker....it will be over in three minutes and under..she will guide your penis in and you will come quickly...she will make it so.....two or three good pulses...and you will be history my friend.........

 

 

you are going to feel let down and want to go again...she might be busy and say come back another time....you could develop performance anxiety ....premature ejeculation issues....seen it happen many times..still think you will gain confidence...i know of two men personally so far in their thirties who see hookers...they cant get dates sadly.....they pay every fortnight for a hooker.......you need to get out and meet women without having to pay them to have sex with you......believe me..you need conversations with women not sex...you need to feel comfortable around them see them as friends...and then go from there....keep your money in your wallet and use that money to join groups things you are passionate about that you might meet someone who has th same interests as you.....dont have sex by a timer with a woman who doesnt give a crap about you...only cares for your wallet...you will end up with regret...not confidence.........deb

[angel.eyes]

I am not giving up by going to a hooker. All I am doing is getting some experience and confidence. Not only that, but I do get some degree of intimacy, even if it is fake. It is better than nothing

 

You're on a clock. That's not intimacy. As soon as your time is up, you either pay up again or get moving. How is that giving you any sense of intimacy?

 

Second, I don't see how it would garner confidence. What other men were able to get for free, you couldn't. The only way you could get what they had was to pay someone to pretend to like you for a brief period of time. If no money were involved, she wouldn't give you the time of day. You're paying for something her boyfriend doesn't need to.

 

Third, your basic issues remain--that includes an inability to connect with others, including women, in a meaningful way. If you want to turn things around, I would focus on that. Counseling and coaching can help. A hooker won't. Neither will your attitude that dating is just some "BS" step to lose your virginity. You aren't going to get a date with that type of attitude!

[angel.eyes]

I am 5 feet even. I am shorter than most girls

 

Most guys I know that are your height and shorter are married or permanently in a relationship. I also know a few men (from work, various hobbies) who are in their 60's, never married, and don't date. They don't seem personally interested in others or to know how to connect with others even though they participate in various activities. They're all about their own personal agenda.

 

Height has little to do with it. Attitude and an ability to connect with others determine who is successful and who isn't.

[preraph]

She rejected me, just like the others. Looks like I'm visiting a brothel this weekend

 

Now you're just being dramatic. I know this because you can't seriously have thought if you asked her out she was going to jump right into sex with you anyway. I'm sorry she said no but very proud of you for not being afraid to stick your neck out.

 

Now, pay attention to any girls who are friendly to you and come around and stand near you or anything like that. Stop being focused on this one and you might look around and notice someone likes you that you have overlooked.

[preraph]

A hooker is the opposite of intimacy. A hooker is just cold uncaring sex. You can do that by yourself practicing at home, my dear. You don't have to have a partner to relieve yourself. A hooker will not give you intimacy and I wouldn't trust you not to fall for one, because they will play you for all you are worth just to get money out of you.

[Short-Guy]

angel.eyes, what happened to the guys who are in their 60s and never married? Also, how did the guys around my height get girls? Were they around my age or older?

[angel.eyes]

To be clear, the guys in their 60's that I mentioned in my post above are all over 6' tall. I forgot to point that out.

[angel.eyes]

The guys in their 60's stand out because on the surface, there is no reason for them to be single and essentially dateless for life. They have respectable jobs, are decent looking, etc. It just comes down to poor social skills and not really connecting with people at a deeper level. For example, when you have a hobby, you naturally end up becoming friends with some of the people you meet doing that hobby. They don't/can't. They aren't connecting.

 

I wasn't witness to the asking out process for most of the short guys. But they are very likeable, fun to be around, easy to talk to, and charming. So, it's no surprise they're attached. Heck, I'm 5'9" and was totally gaga for a guy I dated who was 5' 4" in my early 20's. He had great social skills and everyone loved him. His height didn't even register when he was pursuing me or when we dated.

 

Look at your user name. You define yourself by what you view as an insurmountable inadequacy. That's why I keep recommending counseling. Work on that and developing the social skills you need to be a good friend and to have a big social circle. Those are the same social skills you will need to get a girlfriend.

[Short-Guy]

I have a large social circle, but all the girls in them are taken. Finding a girl who is single and interested seems to be nearly impossible. Ive considered overseas dating

[Mumbles]

Now you're just being dramatic. I know this because you can't seriously have thought if you asked her out she was going to jump right into sex with you anyway.

 

I know it seems strange to those of us at a different stage of life - but I have to be honest here - as I've mentioned in another thread, I was a late starter, and I understand the longing and, frankly, the _desperation_ that creeps in and is real. I'm of a different demographic to the OP, but by way of example, a few of my friends where married before I even lost my V or had any sort of even semi serious relationship. Most of the others were in LTR's by this time as well.

 

I didn't suffer as long as the OP, but i recognise the language and what I think is the thought process here.

 

I'm sorry she said no but very proud of you for not being afraid to stick your neck out.

 

Indeed! As men, we all need to get quite used to this

 

Now, pay attention to any girls who are friendly to you and come around and stand near you or anything like that. Stop being focused on this one and you might look around and notice someone likes you that you have overlooked.

 

Agree. But the problem is similar to that of a starving man. Each potential 'meal' becomes the sole focus of his very being. This alone can be a huge turn-off for potential mates if the feeling is allowed to escape and becomes noticeable.

 

Its a horrible conundrum in reality. The 'hungrier' you get the less likely you are to get 'fed', and so the circle continues and escalates.

 

 

A hooker is the opposite of intimacy. A hooker is just cold uncaring sex. You can do that by yourself practicing at home, my dear.

 

No, not really - can't agree here, though I understand your intent and that intent is right and caring.

 

Intimacy can be just the physical. I know thats not what we normally speak about, normally we'll cojoin both emotional and physical, but it doesn't have to be this way.

 

Hookers are not sex robots despite a commonly voiced implication here on LS. They are real women. Yes, some hate what they do and in reality shouldn't be doing it. Others are different. Escorts, in my experience, don't provide 'cold uncaring sex' except in a very few outlier examples. Additionally, if 'practising at home' provided the same experience then there wouldn't be any demand for escorts and, ipso facto, there wouldn't _be_ any hookers.

 

The reality is that there is a inexhaustible demand for escorts services in most places across the globe. The absolute legion of customers are not men who don't know how to masturbate. What brings them to escorts is as varied as peoples personalities, but its most certainly not a lack of masturbatory experience.

 

So long as you know what you're doing and can accept the implied 'contract' that you enter into when paying for sexual services, those services can be as life affirming and experiential as any other 'random' hookup.

 

But, I have reservations about losing your V in this way ... more below

 

You don't have to have a partner to relieve yourself.

 

I can't speak for women, but as a man, its not even close to being the same thing - not in the same universe.

 

A hooker will not give you intimacy and I wouldn't trust you not to fall for one, because they will play you for all you are worth just to get money out of you.

 

An escort can provide a fun, exciting and full bodied sexual experience, theres no doubt about that. Like anyone, you will 'click' with some and not with others - its the nature of life.

 

However, I think you have to be mature and have had some experience in life to be well placed to deal with the flood of endorphins that sexual contact with anyone (hooker or not) is likely to produce. This is a real danger and you allude to it above.

 

I had a army mate back in the day who absolutely and definitely fell head over heels in love with his first girl, and that girl was indeed a prostitute. He struggled with that for a long time.

 

Monetarily, yes of course, hookers are there for the money. Additionally, yes, absolutely, if you are nice to her, speak, dress and smell good she's going to want you to come back and part with more of your hard-earned. But lets not overplay this ... escorts are in very high demand ... _all_the_time. The phone just never stops ringing. If you want to become a regular customer to her and you're nice and well behaved, yep, sure, she'll be happy, but she won't shed a tear if you never arrive at her door again and won't to any extent thats unmanageable, try to trap or 'hook' you (laugh) .

[Miss Peach]

Monetarily, yes of course, hookers are there for the money. Additionally, yes, absolutely, if you are nice to her, speak, dress and smell good she's going to want you to come back and part with more of your hard-earned. But lets not overplay this ... escorts are in very high demand ... _all_the_time. The phone just never stops ringing. If you want to become a regular customer to her and you're nice and well behaved, yep, sure, she'll be happy, but she won't shed a tear if you never arrive at her door again and won't to any extent thats unmanageable, try to trap or 'hook' you (laugh) .

 

This. My BF is very inexperienced with women and this is something I've noticed he didn't learn until recently about service workers in general. Even now I think he's not quite convinced. (BF's thing was with strippers but it's the same point.) I'm highlighting it here because these women will appear to friend you but won't really be 'friends'. I've watched these women try to use him for dinners and such. I have no idea why he wants to be friends with women in these situations. Not only that, but the ones I've met and talked to, their lives are a mess.

[Short-Guy]

Mumbles, how late did you get your first experience? What caused you to be a late bloomer and how did you get out of it?

[d0nnivain]

I have a large social circle, but all the girls in them are taken.

 

 

Have you ever had a candid discussion with a close female friend about your desire to date (notice I said date, not have sex)?

 

 

Ask a woman or 2 who you trust & respect if she knows anybody or if she has pointers for you. Don't get mad if she says stuff you don't want to hear or disagree with. Take in all in; if there is a kernel of wisdom in what she says, act on it.

[Short-Guy]

There are not too many girls in my social circle. The ones who are have only given me generic advice such as be charming and nice.

[Tressugar]

OP, how tall was the girl you'd asked out?

[angel.eyes]

...they are very likeable, fun to be around, easy to talk to, and charming. So, it's no surprise they're attached.

 

There are not too many girls in my social circle. The ones who are have only given me generic advice such as be charming and nice.

 

Perhaps you should listen to them! They are pointing out where you fall short (no pun intended).

 

Short or tall, the men that I know who are perpetually dateless, lack an ability to connect socially. They aren't charming. They aren't particularly nice people (although I'm sure they're convinced they are). They aren't particularly likeable. By that I mean, there are certain people that are your first call when you want to hang out or do anything socially, and then there are those you hang out with because they are there.

 

I suspect these women are giving you valuable advice. Stop discounting it.

[olivetree]

I would not consider a guy for a relationship that had been with a hooker.

Though some women might not care, I'm sure there are many others that would also be highly bothered by such a history.

 

Keep that in mind before you proceed.