Real36 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Hello Everyone, I have been absent from this forum for quite a long time. In that time I have become involved in a serious romantic relationship. We've been together for 11 months and spend 5 nights per week together. We are both committed to this relationship, I have no doubts about that, but I am wondering what everyone thinks is a good time to talk about moving in together. I am ready for it now but I don't think he is. He's 37 and I'm 35. He loves me, I love him. When we are apart for a few nights, I miss him. I still go about my life with no problems, but I think about him and would be happy to have him there. But, he doesn't feel that way. He doesn't miss me at all! He always calls, texts, and tells me loves me but there is no "I miss you" involved. Is that normal? 11 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things but I feel like I'm ahead of him in the commitment department and I don't like that feeling. Thoughts?
mightycpa Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Next year. You'll see whether what you have grows or wanes, and you won't be stuck if it goes south. It's the prudent move.
Author Real36 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 mightycpa, yeah I guess I'll know by then.
GoldSparkz Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 You've been together for nearly a year so by now he should know whether he wants to move in with you or not so I would say that now is a great to time to discuss it. Just tell him exactly what you've told us and explain that even though you are happy on your own, you still miss him when he is not around. Just because he doesn't tell you that he misses you doesn't mean that this is the case. Men are usually crap when it comes to expressing their true feelings. Its also a good idea to speak to him now so that you know where you stand. Its a scary step to take as you worry about his reaction, but there's no point continuing the relationship if you both don't have the same plans. Also, I take it you want to settle down? Maybe get married and have children?? If so, this is another good reason to know where you stand.
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Yeah, give it just a little more time. I'm about the same place in my relationship and we have discussed the future "when we live together" but we haven't had a serious discussion about it yet. I wouldn't get too worried about hearing one specific phrase "I miss you." As long as his behavior and actions show you that he's committed, that one phrase isn't very important. I tell my boyfriend that I miss him all the time when we are apart. He will sometimes say it... But not always. Yesterday, I thought that I wouldn't see him. But, when we actually did get together the first thing he said was "I was quite sad when you said you may not have time to get together today." Sweet boy! Just because they don't say it, doesn't mean they don't feel it. Best wishes.
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 If he calls you it's because he is thinking of you. He may not say it with words but he is showing it in actions which is even more telling. 11 months isn't that long. You are just starting to know each other. You see each other 5 days a week, he is a good man to you, tells you he loves you, than let it unfold for another year. Of course you can have a conversation about your common goals. Have you ever spoken about it? BF and I have been together 13 months. We spend 6 days a week together, he is keeping his apartment still for another year. Personally the fact he is keeping his apartment takes off a lot of pressure. We both have been in long term relationships before and we know once you make that final move together the dynamic change and you have to be 100% ready for it. 5
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 You are still in the honeymoon stage....I agree give it another year just to be sure. Has he had a live in GF before?
Author Real36 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 I did some thinking about it this weekend and decided to wait awhile longer. He hasn't ever lived with someone or really even been this serious before so I think it's best not to pressure him. Things are going really well and it's probably just better to hold off on moving in together anyway, regardless if we are ready or not. Thanks for everyone' input!
Lady2163 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Yeah, I'm going to disagree IF you want to have kids someday. If you don't, then this is moot. Just because women can have kids until they're 50 or older, doesn't mean they should. My mother was 29 when she had me and declared that that was old enough. I'm also assuming you don't have kids now. You're 35. Say you move in next year and get married when you're 37. First baby at 38 is not going to be a walk in the park. You're spending 5 nights a week together. He knows if he wants to marry you or not. If he doesn't, you need to evaluate how much time you will spend with him. I wasted my last few child bearing years on loser men who led me along. It took me too long to realize they didn't want what I wanted and then to cut them loose so I could heal and find someone who did. And I've also assumed you want to get married. 1
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