Am I Overreacting?

[Girly1]

I recently met a really great guy through a mutual friend. We instantly connected and we get along really well. He's smart, funny, well travelled and extremely ambitious.

Maybe I should also mention that he is a 12 years older than me - he's in his late thirties and I'm in my mid twenties.

 

Anyway, after a few dates together, I went over to his house this past weekend for dinner. By the time I arrived, he was already half drunk and had seemingly been sat drinking wine for most of the day. I sort of brushed that aside, and we had dinner together.

After dinner he started telling me that he had been out drinking the previous night with a mutual acquaintance of ours and that they had done some cocaine. As someone who has never experimented with drugs or had any desire to do so, I didn't really know what to say to this.

He took a bag of cocaine out of his kitchen cupboard and offered it to me, which I refused and watched in shock as he just started doing lines of cocaine right in front of me.

We watched a movie together, and every now and then he'd get up and snort some more cocaine until I eventually told him I was heading home. Honestly, I was so surprised by this. Maybe I'm a little naiive but with his age, and having quite a high profile job, I didn't have him down as a cocaine user.

We haven't had sex together yet, so I don't know if my being at his house made him nervous or something.

 

 

He keeps contacting me to arrange another date but I'm a little freaked out by both the alcohol and the cocaine. I don't mean to come across as a prude but I've never really been interested in either. Am I overreacting or do you think it seems like he has a problem, and I'm best to stop dating him before I get too involved?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Personally, if some guy pulled out a bag of cocaine in front of me and started using, I would have walked out. I certainly wouldn't agree to see him again.

 

It depends on what your boundaries are. Some people may not care, while others would be shocked or even disgusted by it.

 

I guess you have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you?

[mightycpa]

He keeps contacting me to arrange another date but I'm a little freaked out by both the alcohol and the cocaine. I don't mean to come across as a prude but I've never really been interested in either. Am I overreacting or do you think it seems like he has a problem, and I'm best to stop dating him before I get too involved?

I want to go out with him!

 

If that's not your thing, yeah, you DO NOT want to get involved. For him to have known you after only a few dates and not known about your lack of experience/familiarity/desire then whipped out his bag of cocaine, as well as starting out the date at least tipsy, that speaks to a certain sloppiness to his approach.

 

That behavior says it's a regular part of his life. Get out now, while you remain unscathed. Plus, in the long run, he's not going to want a goody-goody girlfriend. There will be conflict.

 

But seriously, I'd go out with him.

Edited February 11, 2017 by mightycpa

[Real36]

You are not overreacting. I wouldn't be ok with excessive drinking and definitely not cocaine use. If you aren't comfortable with his habits then you shouldn't feel bad about saying no to a relationship. You don't have to be with someone that doesn't make you feel safe and happy.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Please don't see this man again. That's not a recreational user and you are in for a long spell of pain.

[Popsicle]

Run for your life. NOW. He's a loser.

[Brittybritt92]

I'm sorry but I personally wouldn't even call what that was a 'date'. He was drunk before you even arrived at his house, and to pull out any kind of drug without discussing your usage really just shows an incredible lack of concern for you.

 

You're having bad gut feelings about it because you know it's not right for you. I mean I love wine, but I still wouldn't want to meet up with a date who's already wasted. Even if you were okay with/experienced with cocaine, for someone just to whip it out like that during a time you're supposed to be getting to know one another would make anyone uncomfortable.

 

Sounds like you know the answer here deep down. Just keep truckin forward

[BaileyB]

Run!

 

This guy has problems with substance abuse. This is a a HUGE RED FLAG!

[jiffysound]

I am surprised the obvious fact that drinking alcohol alongside cocaine causes the two to synergistically creates cocaethylene which is HIGHLY cardiotoxic. If you keep on seeing this man, you will end up calling the ambulance while he is having a major coronary episode aka a heart attack and a stroke from the excessive blood pressure it causes. Just a FYI

[GoldSparkz]

What was your first instinct when you saw him drunk and then taking cocaine? Was it to run away and never contact him again?? I'll be surprised if this wasn't your first instinct. You need to follow your gut and run away as fast as you can. Be thankful that he is showing you his true colours so early on and not leading you on, causing you to have sex and fall in love with him, then by which time it is more difficult to walk away. You already know the answer to your question.

[Erik30]

So I'm assuming this guy is really, really attractive? Because I don't even know why you still have to ask... No you're not being a prude or overreacting. If he's already shown you this much early on, he's probably even worse. Stop seeing this guy, unless you like that lifestyle and want to join him

[preraph]

Look, you don't do drugs, so you don't need to be dating someone who does. Plus he sounds like he drinks too much. He's simply not the one for you.

[ironspider]

Run Forest Run...

 

No way should he have brought out coke without finding out your feelings on it. Whether or not you are ok with him doing coke, he is very selfish by not knowing your feelings on it.

[SevenCity]

When I was 16 I fooled around with an older girl who worked at the same supermarket I did and was trying to start something up. I went over her place and saw coke on a mirror with a razor blade next to it and freaked out.

 

My boss at the time said something to me that stuck almost 30 years later "People will always love their drugs more than they will love you"

 

If you are not into the drinking or drug scene run. The drinking should have been enough.

[thecrucible]

This happened to me 4 years ago. I went out with a guy, we went back to his place. There was a party in a smoke-filled room. I had some strong drinks and then he offered me some cocaine. I was flabbergasted. As drunk as I was, I turned it down without hesitation. I ended up crashing at his but I never met up with him again. That was enough to freak me out. If you're feeling freaked out, trust your intuition.