nude pics red flag??

[Mrs. John Adams]

Since you never received said photos. They were meant for someone else. What kind of phone does she have?

 

I can tell you how to see files, video current text message it only takes a few minutes doesn't matter if the phone is locked. The only problem is you have to get a hold of her phone. To see any deleted text messages you will have to root (android) or jail break (iphone) the phone.

 

you are 63 pages too late...he is a spy extrodinare at this point

 

you cant come to the end of an on going thread 63 pages long without reading the thread first or at least the posts made by the op.....he was very clever....he got her fingerprint in her sleep to open her phone....

 

actually you should read this....it might give you some pointers

[Friskyone4u]

Well, I sure can't go casting any stones here. When I write the details of my H's affair(s) and our R, it makes me sound crazy or weak/dependent. The fact is, you can never give the whole scene or situation to a bunch of new penpals, no matter how experienced and insightful they are. And even if everyone is right, it's his life and he's decided.

 

I mean I agree this does not sound like an adult we're talking about but we're all enabling in some way or another. The bottom line is who do we know for sure is really and truly happy and, even then, you don't get the full story in what's written here. There are happy people who write extremely depressing explanations of their lives and vice versa - unhappy people who don't see their own rose-colored glasses.

 

Of course, it sounds like he's making excuses for her. Anything he'd say would sound like that if he's decided to R and all we know about her is the most awful background imaginable. But the other thing is that one reason we come here is to dump and rant, so LS readers see only the worst about a situation, preciesely because that's what the poster needed - to explode and paint her in the worst possible light.

 

Just saying.

 

 

Is there anyone reading any of this that thinks for a minute there is going to be any divorce here???? If what she has done, even since being busted has not ended this thing, anyone have any ideas what will.

 

its just a matter of time before she does it again. This will be on page 100 and still be where it is now.

[merrmeade]

I guess one can only offer a man so much advice. Whether he takes it or not is his choice.

Is there anyone reading any of this that thinks for a minute there is going to be any divorce here???? If what she has done, even since being busted has not ended this thing, anyone have any ideas what will.

 

its just a matter of time before she does it again. This will be on page 100 and still be where it is now.

In my last post, I was trying to give a huge margin of doubt that maybe we haven't gotten all the information and maybe it's not as bad as ZH reports. It had been a while since I'd read this thread, but, on looking back, I realize he's reported plenty — enough to know that his wife took a trip on the wild side, liked it, wants to go back for more, and he's the only thing keeping her from doing it.

 

The problem, as always, is the shock of learning this new reality about your spouse and then trying - not only to reconcile on the outside - but internally. Trying to reconcile the new information with deeply held goals and ideals and with your assumptions about WS for x number of years depends on what you see now. If you can't reconcile what you see with what you want, you leave. If what you see is a remorseful WS who wants to change, you might stay.

 

But if you blame circumstances and don't make your spouse accountable, then you might think you can block circumstances so it won't happen again. If this makes sense and sort of retrieves the old status quo, such a world view kind of works - until it doesn't. I think ZH believes her past behavior was some temporary aberration brought on by trauma and that his taking on this monitoring/controlling role will help her. If he can keep her from engaging in the aberrant behavior, maybe the old Mrs. ZH will come back more or less and bring back some of their old life. To keep the demons out, he's gathered the tools needed to find all the gateways and keep them locked, while he sits at the control center monitoring possible entry points.

 

I don't believe he's asking himself why he's doing this or thinking about what's best long term for himself. Sadly he's young enough to do a lot better but doesn't see that as an option because of family, I suppose.

 

Can't lead a horse to water.

Edited June 12, 2017 by merrmeade

[usa1ah]

How are things ZH?

[zombiehead]

Things are improving. Wife deactivated her facebook account on her own, I didn't ask her to do so. I had my first IC session yesterday with a new therapist. I found a male therapist and it went well. We discussed the emotions and mental hell I'm going through, he pointed out that I was not rejected in the sense that my wife wasn't wanting to leave the marriage to pursue a relationship with one of her affair partners and that the betrayal is not continuing. He point out that our sex life remained healthy until I found out, ect ect. He mentioned some situations he has dealt with where the wayward spouse continues the affair after it is discovered by the betrayed spouse. It felt like he was trying to make the point that it could be worse.

 

Anyway, the twins are in fencing camp this week, they are loving it. Our camping trip is coming up in 4 weeks. The wife and I have been planning our hikes and activities together, that has been helping repair the closeness.

 

So things seem to be getting better. I haven't had the nightmares in awhile, however I still think about the sexting daily. When I photo googled a few of her porn selfies a couple of weeks ago to see if they ended up on some porn site like realhousewivesgonewild I found some sexy pics she took in Jan 2015 which is 7 months before she said she started. They weren't nudes but they were sexy and photo-shopped so they went to someone probably and it wasn't me.

 

I asked her about them and she said she was feeling pretty and took them and didn't send them, she said she thought about sending them to me but she didn't. She said she wasn't sexting with anyone when she took them. Cheaters are liars so I don't know if she is being honest. I don't want to hook her up to a lie detector machine. I will leave a marriage before it comes to that. If you have to hook your spouse up to a lie detector machine then it is time to exit the relationship IMO.

 

Things are getting better, we are both in IC, she is off social media and refocusing on being a better mom and wife. We are planning the trip together, planing our hikes and other activities which is helping us bond again. Things are slowly improving. I wish the images of her sexting would not be in my thoughts daily. My therapist said those thoughts will fade with time.

 

Thanks for all the help, I really appreciate it.

[reboot]

I asked her about them and she said she was feeling pretty and took them and didn't send them, she said she thought about sending them to me but she didn't. She said she wasn't sexting with anyone when she took them.

 

Uhmmmmm..... how'd they get on a porn site then?

 

 

edit: or did you mean you found them on her phone or computer?

[zombiehead]

I found sexy pics on her phone taken Jan 2015 and they were photo shopped. They were never sent to me. If you go through the trouble of taken the pics, editing them, then it seems that you would finish and send them. She swears she was just feeling pretty and took them and didn't send them. She said she wasn't doing the sexting at that time.

 

I have not found any of her pics on a pornsite. I have googled her photos and get no results.

[Zona]

Things are getting better, we are both in IC, she is off social media and refocusing on being a better mom and wife. We are planning the trip together, planing our hikes and other activities which is helping us bond again. Things are slowly improving. I wish the images of her sexting would not be in my thoughts daily. My therapist said those thoughts will fade with time.

 

Thanks for all the help, I really appreciate it.

 

The fact that she didn't get emotionally involved with the men is important, because that is what usually causes affairs to continue after DDay.

 

I've been slammed for not taking a hard line in your case, but to me this seemed more like a really bad fetish she couldn't control, and that she does have some genuine psychological issues that affect her self-control. Believe it or not, just the shock and shame of coming to a full realization of what they have done can really change a wayward wife.

 

Time will tell. Stay vigilant. Better to find out the R is insincere earlier rather than later. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it is sincere and sustainable.

[Mrs. John Adams]

When I photo googled a few of her porn selfies a couple of weeks ago to see if they ended up on some porn site like realhousewivesgonewild I found some sexy pics she took in Jan 2015 which is 7 months before she said she started. They weren't nudes but they were sexy and photo-shopped so they went to someone probably and it wasn't me.

 

So you found her pictures on a porn site. My guess is she sent them to someone who posted them under a different id....or maybe she posted them herself.

 

I found sexy pics on her phone taken Jan 2015 and they were photo shopped. They were never sent to me. If you go through the trouble of taken the pics, editing them, then it seems that you would finish and send them. She swears she was just feeling pretty and took them and didn't send them. She said she wasn't doing the sexting at that time.

 

I have not found any of her pics on a pornsite. I have googled her photos and get no results.

 

You make no sense...are you confused?

[usa1ah]

Looks like it will just take some time for you to heal.

 

Hope the best for your family Z.

[QuietDan]

Please evaluate the risks that you are taking as you try to find the pictures and videos of your wife. By now, you probably aware you are trying to randomly find a tree in a forest.

You are probably likely to see and hear things that can't be unseen or heard. To a certain extent, you risk getting

caught up into the issue your wife has introduced into your life and experience.

[GoldenR]

ZH -

 

In one sentence you say you found her pics using Google, which means you found them on the internet.

 

Then in another sentence, you say they were just on her phone. A google search won't find anything stored directly on the device.

[HereNorThere]

ZH -

 

In one sentence you say you found her pics using Google, which means you found them on the internet.

 

Then in another sentence, you say they were just on her phone. A google search won't find anything stored directly on the device.

 

I think he means he found them previously on her phone and that's how he knew to reverse image search for them. So it means she lied because she said they were never actually sent but obviously they were or they wouldn't be showing up online.

[HereNorThere]

I don't want to hook her up to a lie detector machine. I will leave a marriage before it comes to that.

 

No you won't. Not a single person here believes that you would ever actually leave her. More importantly, your wife doesn't believe it either.

 

If what she's done so far was not enough, nothing really is. We know it, she knows it, you know it. Unlike you, we know that words mean very little. We are judging you by your actions. You haven't given us any reason to think you will ever actually stand up for yourself and impose real consequences for her.

 

Unless you count new bikes and trips as consequences.

 

Oh, and lastly, Facebook accounts automatically reactivate when you log in. If she wants to delete her account, she needs YOU to set the password, not her. Otherwise she can use it whenever she wants and deactivate when she's finished with you none the wiser.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

When I photo googled a few of her porn selfies a couple of weeks ago to see if they ended up on some porn site like realhousewivesgonewild I found some sexy pics she took in Jan 2015 which is 7 months before she said she started. They weren't nudes but they were sexy and photo-shopped so they went to someone probably and it wasn't me.

 

So you found her pictures on a porn site. My guess is she sent them to someone who posted them under a different id....or maybe she posted them herself.

 

I found sexy pics on her phone taken Jan 2015 and they were photo shopped. They were never sent to me. If you go through the trouble of taken the pics, editing them, then it seems that you would finish and send them. She swears she was just feeling pretty and took them and didn't send them. She said she wasn't doing the sexting at that time.

 

I have not found any of her pics on a pornsite. I have googled her photos and get no results.

 

You make no sense...are you confused?

 

He took photos off the phone to search to see IF they are on porn sites. They are not. He did find pics on her PHONE that were photoshopped. The date of pic is prior to the timeline of her sexting.

[zombiehead]

I meant the day I looked online reverse searching her nude pics I found some more on her phone not online. They were taken in Jan 2015 and the sexting did not start until July 2015. Why would she go through to trouble of fixing herself up taking pics then edited them if the pics were not sent out? Would you do that for fun?

[reboot]

She could also just set up a new Facebook that he doesn't know about.

[aliveagain]

I found sexy pics on her phone taken Jan 2015 and they were photo shopped. They were never sent to me. If you go through the trouble of taken the pics, editing them, then it seems that you would finish and send them. She swears she was just feeling pretty and took them and didn't send them. She said she wasn't doing the sexting at that time.

 

I have not found any of her pics on a pornsite. I have googled her photos and get no results.

 

Have you tried MyEx.com sometimes the O/M post pictures of married women they exchange pictures with on that site. That is one of the sites I searched when I was looking for a video made of my ex.

[zombiehead]

She has stopped she hasnt opened a new facebook. What I'm trying to figure out is can I be happy staying married to her. Do I want to be with a person that is capable of this behaviour. Do I want to be with a person that betrayed me. Do I want to be with a person that recorded me and sent it to her affair partners, and had phone, text, and video sex with men online. Seriously who does that? Nasty sex chat live video sex phone sex, she couldnt tell them no, she didnt want to disappoint these online men. That is a hard thing to forget and forgive. Im trying and going to give it a go and see if I can shake this. She is trying to change and the kids dont want a broken home so I'm going to try and get past it.

[aliveagain]

She has stopped she hasnt opened a new facebook. What I'm trying to figure out is can I be happy staying married to her. Do I want to be with a person that is capable of this behaviour. Do I want to be with a person that betrayed me. Do I want to be with a person that recorded me and sent it to her affair partners, and had phone, text, and video sex with men online. Seriously who does that? Nasty sex chat live video sex phone sex, she couldnt tell them no, she didnt want to disappoint these online men. That is a hard thing to forget and forgive. Im trying and going to give it a go and see if I can shake this. She is trying to change and the kids dont want a broken home so I'm going to try and get past it.

 

This is your decision to make, no one can decide this for you. All you can do is tell her your requirements for staying and her actions will tell you the rest.

[mikeylo]

You can delete all the photos but the images that are left in your head is something that will haunt you and unfortunately that is something she will not understand truly. Even a normal picture will open up your wounds. She needs to replace those images in your head but it's not easy. The blame will come on you that you are not able to delete them, so you need therapy ! Really ?

 

I wish you luck but she needs to put a genuine smile on your face. The other men make her laugh with delight and you can't even smile ! I fail to understand how can people do that !

 

Take care.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Zombie, you are on the right track. Just keep at it relentlessly and your old wife will come back and you're gonna live happily ever after. Don't worry, be Happy! Warm wishes.

[zombiehead]

My wife is trying hard to change. Lately she is much more engaged with the family. She does things with the twins and I. She goes to practices in the evening, she goes to swimming pool, she goes bike riding, she is with us around the house instead of hiding out in the bedroom. She was crying the other night because she realized she lost nearly 2 years of our kid's lives by withdrawing from the family and seeking alone time to do her sexting. She is beginning to realize what she gave up for sexting. For nearly 2 years she sought out seclusion, alone time, "me time", she would never go to evening practices, games on weekends, birthday parties, any activities with the kids I was the one taking them. The twins and I would try to get her to come but she always had an excuse not to join us. It is so sad that she gave up that precious time with our children to sext with men online. Very sad, I have pity for her. It could be divine intervention how I found out and was able to access her phone.

 

She is beginning to understand the fallout, what she gave up, what she lost. Also the twins started pulling away from her as well. They could tell she wasn't interested in them, she was more interested in her secret sexting fantasy world.

[QuietDan]

My wife is trying hard to change. Lately she is much more engaged with the family. She does things with the twins and I. She goes to practices in the evening, she goes to swimming pool, she goes bike riding, she is with us around the house instead of hiding out in the bedroom. She was crying the other night because she realized she lost nearly 2 years of our kid's lives by withdrawing from the family and seeking alone time to do her sexting. She is beginning to realize what she gave up for sexting. For nearly 2 years she sought out seclusion, alone time, "me time", she would never go to evening practices, games on weekends, birthday parties, any activities with the kids I was the one taking them. The twins and I would try to get her to come but she always had an excuse not to join us. It is so sad that she gave up that precious time with our children to sext with men online. Very sad, I have pity for her. It could be divine intervention how I found out and was able to access her phone.

 

She is beginning to understand the fallout, what she gave up, what she lost. Also the twins started pulling away from her as well. They could tell she wasn't interested in them, she was more interested in her secret sexting fantasy world.

 

There you go. Now you are starting to see it. Now she is starting to see just a little bit of the price she paid but was too blind to recognize at the time.

Someone said something about eventually getting the wife you had before all of this.

But think about what this new relationship with this new woman that you both are starting to get to know has to offer.

It sounds like this new wife is and has started to acquire some hard earned painful wisdom.

You both still have a lot of rough roads ahead.

There are a lot of former waywards on this site.

Many you have interacted with on here.

Often the harshest critics of a wayward is a former wayward. It sounds like your wife is really starting to travel down the road of being a former wayward. Hopefully it will continue and there won't be any major relapses.

I still suspect there is a longer history of simular related precursor behavior and activities. It sounds like you found some additional clues that are starting to lead you there as well. Obsessive compulsive disorders don't just show up over night and begin all of a sudden.

It usually some thing that needs to be intentionally managed and directed into constructive useful activities and behaviors. It never really goes away. If you stop one form of behavior, something else usually takes it's place.

[Zona]

My wife is trying hard to change. Lately she is much more engaged with the family.

 

Sounds good. Baby steps on a long road. Happy father's day!