nude pics red flag??

[kgcolonel]

Zombie, maybe i am just overly cautious but think for a second. If you were able to find them, they also can find your wife. The engagement may not end with your notification. If it were me i think i'd forget about the civic duty here....focus on the matters in your house and leave them to their's.

[BaileyB]

It would seem that you have moved from shock to enter the anger stage of grieving...

 

Seriously, as others have said, focus on yourself and your relationship - take some time to think about whether your relationship can be repaired... And think about what would happen if you didn't stay together.

[zombiehead]

I want to send the dic pic he sent my wife back to his wife. I could say, "do you recognize this dic? You should it is your husband's and he sent it to my wife just thought you should know!!"

[zombiehead]

Yeah I need to stop digging and go to bed.

[Jersey born raised]

Again, is this a kink with your wife??? Why and how did this start???

 

Was there a PA before 2015, she became addict to the thrill and sought out a "safe way" to get her thrill??

[Birdies]

I think it's your responsibility to tell the other spouses if you can. Rewind a week....if someone had this information about your wife, wouldn't you want to know? Not would you rather her be a cyber sex addict or not be - that's obvious. But since she IS, wouldn't you rather be able to make an informed decision about whether to stay married to her, based on all the information? Many of these men may be serial cheaters who are bringing home STDs to their wives, or gas lighting them until they think they're paranoid and crazy. I think it's your responsibility to inform them. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, but sometime.

 

The advice I've read on infidelity support forums (I've been reading as part of personal growth / accepting responsibility following my own affair) is to send a certified letter to the spouse that requires their signature and contains all the proof. If you can't find an address, then a Facebook message may work too. But search for an actual address if possible.

[MickeyBill]

Keep your eye on the ball. Use the FB and Linkdin to see if there are any local OMs.

Your wife and OMs were sexting back and forth but your attention should be on her and your relationship. The guys, unless they are local are distractions that can be dealt with later.

[QuietDan]

Still a lot of unknowns out there.

A lot of missing pieces to this puzzle.

Proceed with caution.

Trickle truth might still be in play here.

Other devices, burner phones, maybe more going on here.

[lolablue17]

As much as it's "morally right" to expose and contacting the wife's of these guys, I would recommend that you wait with it and think about it.

 

It's not that your wife had an affair with one man, in that case it's a personal issue. Your wife had been in it with dozens of men. It's like you're Don Quijote, fighting windmills, going out there, spending your life trying to fix the whole world.

 

Think - Will this job of fixing the whole world, make you feeling better with yourself? If so, go ahead and do it. But I believe that It's because you don't know what to do, you feel you must do some activity, so here's and activity to expose every man on the planet.

 

This way you decrease responsibility from your wife. It's like you want to punish all wayward involved, and you agree that the other men had some responsibility for what happened to you. NO. You wife is 100% responsible for your situation. How will it help you to take a machine gun and shooting all directions around, doing Volleys?

 

You better focus on your problem, and the problem is only your wife, not dozens of guys on the globe. I can assure you - you won't fix the world. You will only sink dipper with this obsession.

[Scarlett94]

I am in agreement with you zombie. I would tell also. His aps didn't have spouses so I sent them messages of what I thought of them. One was offended and threatened me but tough ****, she should have stayed out of my marriage. It took me two years to do it and I literally seethed the whole time. It helped ME to unload some of my anger on them. Made me feel like I was taking back some of my power.

So I understand and totally support you doing this. It was also important for me to see what they looked like for some reason. Thank you Facebook and Instagram lol.

[PegNosePete]

No flirting is not telling a guy you want him inside you and send porn selfies. I dont know what you call it, but it is not flirting.

I know what I call it.

 

Grounds for divorce.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Zombie, I think you are going off at a tangent. These guys you are searching out on Facebook etc are just props for your wife's fantasy adventures. The real problem is with your wife and that is where you need to focus your attention right now. I can understand that you are feeling powerless in the face of your wife's transgressions and so have a need to hit out at something but these guys are just windmills that you are tilting at. All your effort will not achieve anything useful for you. You have to concentrate on your wife and her problem if you have any desire to reconcile with her or sort out things. If you are hell bent on divorcing her then too, you are expending precious energy on a fruitless task. Your own welfare and that of your children should be uppermost in your mind right now and all your energies should be directed towards that end. The guys your wife used to get her kicks are like puppets with no life of their own. Your wife breathed life into them and without her interaction they revert to the lifeless dolls that they are.

 

I wonder if you have given any thought to what you are going to do in the next few days from now onwards? You have to assess the extent of disrespect your wife has showed you and whether that is something acceptable to you or not. You have to decide how you are going to deal with your feelings, whether the injury to them is something tolerable for you or not and if not what are you going to do to rectify that situation. You have to decide whether your wife is so broken and untrustworthy that you cannot continue to live with her in a marital relationship. You also have to decide what kind of treatment she needs to help her get out of the hell hole that she has dug for herself. You would have to do this for her even if you are deciding to divorce her because, after all, she had been your wife for so many years and is the mother of your children. She herself may not be in a position to help herself and right now her mind must be in the worst turmoil that she has ever faced in her life. She will not be able to think clearly for quite a while in my opinion. Lastly, as I said before and others too, have brought it yo your notice, consult a lawyer on any criminal breach of the law that your wife's actions may have resulted in. You do not want to land up in jail and if possible, even your wife should not have to end up there. Keep all this in mind as you plan your next steps. Conserve your energy both physical and mental because you are going to need all of it and more in the coming days. Don't waste any of it chasing windmills. Warm wishes.

[d0nnivain]

Zombie

 

 

What your soon to be EX wife (I hope) did was wrong on many levels, especially filming you without your consent.

 

 

But I don't get your desire -- almost obsession -- to find these other men & disclose what has been going on. 1). Their spouses might not believe you. 2). the double standard works against you. 3). outing everybody involved will not ease your pain or erase what happened.

 

 

On some level it probably feels good to take some action but you are taking the wrong actions. Instead of obsessing about revenge, figure out how you will move forward. Get some therapy for yourself. You have suffered an incredible betrayal. Determine what is in the best interests of your kids.

[AnneP]

I would notify Every. Single. One.

 

Do what you feel is right, but I would feel bad not telling the spouses. Do what you feel is right.

[d0nnivain]

I would notify Every. Single. One.

 

Do what you feel is right, but I would feel bad not telling the spouses. Do what you feel is right.

 

 

But HOW does that help him or his kids?

[AnneP]

But HOW does that help him or his kids?

 

It helps him by knowing he did the right thing. I don't know about you, but I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing my spouse was involved with other married people and their spouses didn't know. I couldn't do it.

 

It would help me have a clear conscience.

[d0nnivain]

It helps him by knowing he did the right thing. I don't know about you, but I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing my spouse was involved with other married people and their spouses didn't know. I couldn't do it.

 

It would help me have a clear conscience.

 

 

My conscience is clear in Zombie's situation. He did nothing wrong.

[VeveCakes]

I'm all for it.

 

These women deserve to know what their slimy husbands are up to.

[Poutrew]

I would notify Every. Single. One.

 

Do what you feel is right, but I would feel bad not telling the spouses. Do what you feel is right.

 

Well, if he does this, then he is going to start up a major industry. From an earlier post, Z said it wasn't just 8 men - it could literally be in the hundreds over the last few years. Just finding them all will be a major undertaking. Then I suppose he could automate the process by sending their wives a legal form letter notarized by his lawyer, and set up a website all the wives of the hundreds of men could go to to listen or read the relevant texts (he could assign each betrayed wife a secret PIN number so each would only be able to read the texts their hubbys were involved in)... I mean if a major company like Ford or Chrysler could do this to notify car owners of bad air bags, Zombie could theoretically do the same thing.... but will it be worth it? At the end of the day he will still be needing to search porn sites for the sex video(s), and clean up the mess his wife has made...The expression zero sum game comes to mind...

[RecentChange]

Yeah but..... That's not very exciting, and we just love us an internet drama.

 

Go call all the wives and report back asap. We can't wait to read it!

 

His wife was a glorified cam girl. They usually do it for money, she did it for some perverse need of attention.

 

Do I think the dudes are slimy, sure - but I do think that this is a bit different than banging some other woman in his lunch breaks.

[AnneP]

Yeah but..... That's not very exciting, and we just love us an internet drama.

 

Go call all the wives and report back asap. We can't wait to read it!

 

His wife was a glorified cam girl. They usually do it for money, she did it for some perverse need of attention.

 

Do I think the dudes are slimy, sure - but I do think that this is a bit different than banging some other woman in his lunch breaks.

 

That's your opinion. The spouses deserve to make their own choices. This might be deal breakers for them. You just don't know. Certainly cannot go wrong notifying them.

[BuddyX]

Couple things. Why are you doing all the heavy lifting? Give your wife a pad and pen and say "provide all the information about these men".

 

Second, and in not projecting here, but when I found out who the OM was I quickly googled his name. There were articles written about him on how he attended the temple. His two kids. And how much his family meant to him. Just wanted to puke right there. Mind you, we did not have kids. So out case was different. I do regret not calling the OMW. I think she deserved to know.

[AnneP]

His wife is also a predator who set her husband up and filmed him without his knowledge. She has admitted to phone sex as well. That's more than a "glorified cam girl."

[d0nnivain]

The spouses deserve to make their own choices. This might be deal breakers for them. You just don't know. Certainly cannot go wrong notifying them.

 

 

I'm not saying the other spouses are not entitled to information or the ability to make their own choices.

 

 

I have yet to see how the disclosure benefits the OP Zombie or more importantly his kids. His priorities in order have to be:

 

 

1. His kids' well being

 

 

2. His own mental health

 

 

3. Getting his financial ducks in a

row

to get divorced

 

 

4. Finding out what happened to that video of him

so

it can be taken down.

 

 

5. Healing

 

Taking time to discover the identities of these other people & their contact info is probably # 147 his to do list in order of importance.

[AnneP]

I'm not saying the other spouses are not entitled to information or the ability to make their own choices.

 

 

I have yet to see how the disclosure benefits the OP Zombie or more importantly his kids. His priorities in order have to be:

 

 

1. His kids' well being

 

 

2. His own mental health

 

 

3. Getting his financial ducks in a

row

to get divorced

 

 

4. Finding out what happened to that video of him

so

it can be taken down.

 

 

5. Healing

 

Taking time to discover the identities of these other people & their contact info is probably # 147 his to do list in order of importance.

 

Why does it have to benefit HIM? It is the right thing to do. As humans, we should be empathetic and compassionate people. We don't have to BENEFIT from doing things. Sometimes it's necessary to do the right thing.

 

I agree this isn't or shouldn't be his top priority, however if he contacts the most recent (8 or so?) spouses, that doesn't take long. I never said he needed to do that now, but I agree that he should do it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and mine is that these women deserve to know the truth.