apple Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 I have just come across this site and read an article on 'I'm in love with an Alcoholic', boy could I relate. It is basically all the crap I have been doing for the last 7months. Engaged to this man that I thought was the man I would grow old with and have children with turned sour. He is the classic Alcoholic (big time denial) blaming everything on me instead of taking responsibility for his own life. I was and still am in love with this man. He is a lovely person but is self destructing and I am not going there. I have tried everything, supporting, encouraging and even forgiving. We ended up living together and thats when the fun began. We had plans for the future, immediate and longterm. We had great times together and were good company for each other. The addiction of alcohol or any other form robs, it robbed me of the man I love. The relationship ended when I ended up beaten and on the floor. I have been through physical abuse as a child so it really didn't traumatise me, what hurts is that you believe this person loves you and cares for you and then they turn on you harming you. It is very confusing. Especially when you have done absolutely nothing to instegate the beating. I moved him out the next day, locks changed etc. I considered him totally out of my life then weakened and saw him again, thankfully he was in a binge so I saw the ugly side of him again, otherwise I would have gone back to him because of the loneliness the loss of a loved one brings. I have had to change all my phone numbers because the last I heard from him was abusive calls blaming me for everything. I ain't perfect but boy give me a break! Trying my best to get on with my life, my whole life has changed back to enjoying being single again (after having someone trying to control my life 24/7). The problem is I can't stop thinking of him, I still love him and I am very concerned about him. I cannot do anything to stop his self destruction but I want to know how do I stop this obcessive thinking. I think of him the miniute I wake to the time I sleep (even dream sometimes). I know there is no future with him, even as friends, it just wouldn't work. Can someone help? I can't stop thinking of him it's driving me nuts.
shamen Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Hi Apple, I feel your pain girl. I too am still in love in many ways with my ex (alcoholic and drug addict). We still see each other sometimes as I keep finding his stuff in the house. 4 and 1/2 years together. Ouch. But for whatever reason, I still feel so many things for him. I wonder too though, is it the companionship that I miss? Not that he was even around that much anyway really... When he's socially drinking (which he actually did in front of my family and co-workers, who all love him), he's a great guy. When he's sober, he's a great guy. It's just when he turns into a**hole drunk guy that I hate him. We broke up last April and got back together in September or so. He said that he had changed. Yeah, right. NOT. That lasted another 4 months. Fast forward to now and we've been apart again for almost 7 months. I've been working hard on trying to get thoughts of him out of my head. I go through stages of it: sometimes he's out of my head for a long time and then he's there every day again. I've dated a couple of guys (4 and 1/2 months total between the two of them) and that didn't really help. So now I too am single again. I've been seeing a therapist since September or so and going to the gym to try to sort of rebuild my sense of self. Hanging out with the girls. Trying to figure what it is about myself that I need to date these stupid self destructing men. I wish that I had a clear answer for you. I struggle with the same problem that you do. Wish that I could just put it away. But I know that the only thing that's really going to work in the end is time.
Rosalind Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by apple The problem is I can't stop thinking of him, I still love him and I am very concerned about him. Two words for you - co-dependent relationship
Zaira Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Talk it out. You know he's bad for you and now you just have to convince yourself of it. Do you think you're holding on to these feelings because part of you feels sorry for him?
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