Author marie25 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 You got it! There's nothing wrong with having hope, imo. As long as you keep moving forward, hope is a good thing. We really dont know what our futures have in store for us. I think the fool's error is saying "never" and then clinging to that bitterly. People can change, perceptions can change, time has a huge effect on us all. Rushing or expecting immediate results is a mistake. Go with the flow of life. Trust in the Universe, and let go of trying to control any outcomes. Any notion of control is an illusion. The only thing you can control is yourself. As for everything else - if its going to happen, it'll happen. But it will likely be when you least expect it... life is funny like that Love it!! I know firsthand how terrible it can be to have too much hope - it definitely impedes your ability to move on. I definitely felt that at first - and was totally miserable. It wasn't until I accepted that the relationship was over but had an open mind about the future that I was able to start moving on happily. Today was easier than expected - with it being Valentine's Day and our old anniversary. But can successfully say I had a good happy day Thank you for your words! They are the best and I'll definitely be re-reading. Will keep you all updated on things. 1
Author marie25 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 (edited) Update - Still no reply to my text asking him to please not message me while I am trying to move on (that was the essential bit of the message anyway). I had sent it Monday night. Today is surprisingly harder than yesterday, Valentines Day. It's really true when they say that moving on is not a clear uphill slope, but rather up one day and down the next. Just wish that I could have the loving relationship that I had before back. One day at a time. Edited February 15, 2017 by marie25
Jimmyjackson Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 Update - Still no reply to my text asking him to please not message me while I am trying to move on (that was the essential bit of the message anyway). I had sent it Monday night. Today is surprisingly harder than yesterday, Valentines Day. It's really true when they say that moving on is not a clear uphill slope, but rather up one day and down the next. Just wish that I could have the loving relationship that I had before back. One day at a time. You told him to stop messaging you...now you're bothered he hasn't messaged you? Isn't he giving you exactly what you asked?
Author marie25 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 You told him to stop messaging you...now you're bothered he hasn't messaged you? Isn't he giving you exactly what you asked? Of course not, I am not bothered or upset with him for not messaging me. I am simply just missing him - and wish that he would want reconciliation. It's the normal dumpee blues. I am moving on, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him.
Author marie25 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 Just a little update, venting/journaling for my sake --- It's been officially one week since any communication between me and ex. About two weeks since I decided to "let him go" and stopped initiating contact. It's crazy that it has been so little time. I feel like a completely different person already, and for the most part and moving on. Doing all the right things (journaling, exercising, lots of time with friends). Today was a hard day. It was rainy and gloomy all day, and I am stressed with the amount of course work I have (in college currently). I miss him a lot today. And then I think of things that I did to him and get super guilty. And then I think of some things that he did and get angry. And then I think of some of his amazing qualities and how loving/caring/thoughtful he was when I was treating him right and miss him all over again. Continue cycle. That's been today. Other days have been better and I don't think of the relationship in emotional detail much at all. I have made a huge discovery about myself, and that is that I have a huge fear of commitment. Not in the sense that I don't want to be in a committed relationship - I desperately do want to be in love with someone and settle down and have that shared life with someone. But rather, I freak out whenever someone gets close and I become vulnerable. It has to do with deeply engrained childhood issues (as most psych issues are haha). It is easier for me to love my ex now knowing that I can never have him, than it was for me to love him in the relationship. Same amount of love, but it's easier now. Does that make sense? I have a therapist appointment tomorrow and I will speak to her about it. On one end - I am so HAPPY to know this about myself because for the longest time I knew something was wrong with me but didn't know what. That was a scary and confusing feeling. But now I feel so free - I KNOW what is wrong with me and can tackle it so that it never affects my future relationships. On the other...it is going to be a long road of self-recovery, and I am now the most (painfully) aware that I have ever been of my shortcomings and my mistakes in the relationship. I keep thinking..if only I had known this sooner, I would have been able to treat my ex the way that he deserved when we were together.
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