Do guys play the field until they meet the "right" woman?

[Leah00]

I need some advice. I'm not understanding this whole causal dating scene we live in. I met 2 guys on a dating site, for the first few weeks everything goes great, they seem really into me, great sex, good convo, and then they just fade away, like everything seems half-assed on their part when I decide to reach out to them. It just fizzles and I don't know why. The "indifference" shows later on. And during that time, I get all these feelings for them. The first few months of causal dating is just causal, we still have our profiles up or what not. After that, the excuses starting coming in, like I'll be busy for awhile, relationship is taking a back seat, etc, etc. I'm stupid enough to believe their excuses only to look at their updated profile and find something like this: "I have hobbies that keep me busy and unless something overwhelmingly special and surprising comes along, my hobbies are what's important and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone by promising more than I can give." And when I read this, this was a low-blow to me. He's basically saying, if someone amazing came his way, he would stop the FWB and marry her???

[moebius]

...And when I read this, this was a low-blow to me. He's basically saying, if someone amazing came his way, he would stop the FWB and marry her???

Sure he will.

 

That's the point of casual sex. Having sex until you find the right person, or even until you find the right time. It happened to me. My girlfriend confessed that she knew for years that she was going to marry me. But in the meantime she slept around. I wouldn't say that this is a "men thing". I guess this is the way some people chose to live their lives. And if you think about it, it totally makes sense. They had all they want. They have their pie while they eat it.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Some do, some don't.

 

You have a better chance of avoiding the ones that are just playing the field by being very clear with them from the beginning that you are looking for a serious relationship, not casual dating/sex. And most importantly, backing that up through your actions.

 

Also, pay attention to the little things that might indicate he is more interested in casual dating, like the ones that use phrases, such as "keeping my options open" or invite you over to watch movie on the first date.

 

If you want to protect yourself from getting invested too quickly, consider taking things a bit slower until you can see that you are both on the same page.

[smackie9]

I know this is old fashioned but, keep the legs closed until they prove to you that you have value to them. And watch out for when they say things you want to hear/ love bombing.

 

Nothing wrong with dating and having sex and crap if that is your style. Some people won't invest in anyone unless sex is involved. BUT that doesn't mean you have to in order to find someone serious. You can take things slower, and observe. There is no right or wrong, it's just preference.

[coolheadal]

Casual Sex is just that nothing serious from that. Almost like Short-term Dating is another one. If you want a long lasting relationship look of men who want long-term dating. Your question is yes men will have more than one women because they need a backup just in case the first one doesn't like them. There is always the backup to fill in the void. Your case sounds like these guys are playing with your mind. Rule of thumb is after 90 days the real person comes out and then you know if you got a keeper or a dud. Listen your in control don't chase after any man who doesn't show you respect and doesn't even have the time to spend with you. They're seeing other women along side you. This is how it is today. Your attracting these men if you get them always. I don't think today the perfect person is there, you have to test them all out and see what works with you if your on the same page or not. If not then move on..

[Redhead14]

I need some advice. I'm not understanding this whole causal dating scene we live in. I met 2 guys on a dating site, for the first few weeks everything goes great, they seem really into me, great sex, good convo, and then they just fade away, like everything seems half-assed on their part when I decide to reach out to them. It just fizzles and I don't know why. The "indifference" shows later on. And during that time, I get all these feelings for them. The first few months of causal dating is just causal, we still have our profiles up or what not. After that, the excuses starting coming in, like I'll be busy for awhile, relationship is taking a back seat, etc, etc. I'm stupid enough to believe their excuses only to look at their updated profile and find something like this: "I have hobbies that keep me busy and unless something overwhelmingly special and surprising comes along, my hobbies are what's important and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone by promising more than I can give." And when I read this, this was a low-blow to me. He's basically saying, if someone amazing came his way, he would stop the FWB and marry her???

 

Are you having conversations early in the scenario about dating goals? You should be making sure that dating partners are on the same page as you are in terms of overall dating goals. If a guy tells you he's dating casually and you are looking for a long-term relationship for yourself, they aren't a good match anyway.

 

And, even if a guy tells you he's looking for a relationship, you need to sit back and observe whether or not they date you that way. Some guys will tell a woman that because he knows that's what most women are looking for, but their dating behavior doesn't support it.

 

And, men and women will date a guy or girl they like but not necessarily because they are "all in", they are at least content and having a good time with that person until, for whatever reason, they aren't anymore and they move on. Or, he or she may actually find that that person is the one for them.

 

He's basically saying, if someone amazing came his way, he would stop the FWB and marry her??? -- Of course, what would you have them do? Marry the FWB even if he wasn't in love with her and want that with her?

[central]

I dated because I wanted a relationship. I met a lot of women, and many did not pass the first date. Many others did, and I dated them until I found something that was a deal breaker for me - or discovered that I just wasn't in to them enough to continue. Is that playing the field? If so, then I did. Once I found a woman who didn't have deal breaker issues, and continued to fascinate me, then we developed a lasting relationship. She was right for me.

 

 

I mean, really, why would I continue dating someone who is not right for me? That's probably all that's going on here, unless they really do not want a relationship at all, and only say they do to expand their casual dating pool.

[Sweetfish]

I know this is old fashioned but, keep the legs closed until they prove to you that you have value to them.

 

and that's why I tell men stop chasing for sex because that's how it becomes a bargaining chip

[stillafool]

I need some advice. I'm not understanding this whole causal dating scene we live in. I met 2 guys on a dating site, for the first few weeks everything goes great, they seem really into me, great sex, good convo, and then they just fade away, like everything seems half-assed on their part when I decide to reach out to them. It just fizzles and I don't know why. The "indifference" shows later on. And during that time, I get all these feelings for them. The first few months of causal dating is just causal, we still have our profiles up or what not. After that, the excuses starting coming in, like I'll be busy for awhile, relationship is taking a back seat, etc, etc. I'm stupid enough to believe their excuses only to look at their updated profile and find something like this: "I have hobbies that keep me busy and unless something overwhelmingly special and surprising comes along, my hobbies are what's important and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone by promising more than I can give." And when I read this, this was a low-blow to me. He's basically saying, if someone amazing came his way, he would stop the FWB and marry her???

 

Don't we all date around until we find someone who blows out mind and makes us want to be in a one on one relationship with them? It's natural.

[Sweetfish]

I need some advice. I'm not understanding this whole causal dating scene we live in. I met 2 guys on a dating site, for the first few weeks everything goes great, they seem really into me, great sex, good convo, and then they just fade away, like everything seems half-assed on their part when I decide to reach out to them. It just fizzles and I don't know why. The "indifference" shows later on. And during that time, I get all these feelings for them. The first few months of causal dating is just causal, we still have our profiles up or what not. After that, the excuses starting coming in, like I'll be busy for awhile, relationship is taking a back seat, etc, etc. I'm stupid enough to believe their excuses only to look at their updated profile and find something like this: "I have hobbies that keep me busy and unless something overwhelmingly special and surprising comes along, my hobbies are what's important and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone by promising more than I can give." And when I read this, this was a low-blow to me. He's basically saying, if someone amazing came his way, he would stop the FWB and marry her???

]

 

So Leah what kind of guys are you selecting on these dating sites? Its very well your selecting the guys who look and seem like fun. Maybe, they like to go out drinking or a club or etc. Maybe they say something witty in their profiles. I think the key to finding a GOOD guy and not a guy that is going to use you for sex... when you look at his profile I would look for things you may find boring and things you will find interesting and send emails to those guys. A profile where a guy seems perfect is too good to be true.

 

 

 

No, guys usually do not play the field until they meet the right woman. The more he plays the field...usually the less they respect women in general.

[Gaeta]

When you do online you have to have a goal and a plan and to not deviate from those. If you let a man casually date you and get sex from you without exclusivity of course he'll take it. You have to watch your back while you're doing online dating otherwise all the players and the time-wasters will suck the life out of you.

 

* Be very clear what you are looking for

 

* Do not date men that have a different goal than yours

 

* Give a guy about 5-6 dates to mention exclusivity, more than that he's not interested in dating you seriously.

 

* Do not date a man that keeps on going online after a month dating.

 

* If sex has a meaning to you than do not be intimate with men you date till you speak about being exclusive.

 

Good luck,