One More Date for the Sake of It

[selinaluv]

Hello,

 

I have a second date scheduled on Friday with a nice guy, but I am just not sure I am that interested. Our lifestyles and interests are extremely different (I am city, he is country) and even though he is an attractive man, I had no attraction to him. I honestly could not see myself kissing him.

 

The conversation was nice and he asked me out again and I said yes because part of me felt I needed to step out of my box and go out with people different from my norm.

 

This past week I started talking to another man who asked me out for a first date on Sunday. The conversation was fun, easy and we have a lot in common. He asks me good questions and he is very engaging to talk to. All this gives me energy, which is very different how I feel with my Friday date. It doesn't help that Friday guy is texting, but they are just check ins and not really moving things forward. I am trying, but his text game is lackluster and I don't feel like talking to him on the phone anymore.

 

I will add that I was questioning the first man all along, but went with it because I wanted to give him a chance.

 

My question is is it better to opt out of something that is lukewarm at best and not sure I see changing or go through with the date.

 

Being a single mom who budgets her childcare options, I don't want to waste time on things that I personally see a low percentage of progressing, but I also want to be fair here.

Edited February 9, 2017 by selinaluv

[Gaeta]

Hello,

I have a second date scheduled on Friday with a nice guy, but I am just not sure I am that interested. Our lifestyles and interests are extremely different (I am city, he is country) and even though he is an attractive man, I had no attraction to him. I honestly could not see myself kissing him.

 

I read your last thread and you were talking how you've had a string of back luck meeting scammers and players. Here you have met a nice guy so just think twice before discarding him. You find him nice, and you find him attractive, that is enough to give him a couple of dates before giving up. Sometimes attractions builds on a 2nd or 3rd date.

 

First date with my BF I had decided to not pursue him, he was an attractive man but I was usually going for another type of men, anyway I decided to give it a chance and here we are dating 14 months now.

[selinaluv]

I read your last thread and you were talking how you've had a string of back luck meeting scammers and players. Here you have met a nice guy so just think twice before discarding him. You find him nice, and you find him attractive, that is enough to give him a couple of dates before giving up. Sometimes attractions builds on a 2nd or 3rd date.

 

First date with my BF I had decided to not pursue him, he was an attractive man but I was usually going for another type of men, anyway I decided to give it a chance and here we are dating 14 months now.

 

Fair enough. That is actually what keeps me hanging on to the date, is to not give up because maybe something will shift. I admit though he isn't really trying that hard on his end. At this point I am not even sure where we are going, what we are doing, or if the date is even still on.

 

I have had bad luck the past few times, but I also want to make sure I don't force myself with someone who may not be a good match with me because he is a nice guy.

[Dis]

I read your last thread and you were talking how you've had a string of back luck meeting scammers and players. Here you have met a nice guy so just think twice before discarding him. You find him nice, and you find him attractive, that is enough to give him a couple of dates before giving up. Sometimes attractions builds on a 2nd or 3rd date.

 

First date with my BF I had decided to not pursue him, he was an attractive man but I was usually going for another type of men, anyway I decided to give it a chance and here we are dating 14 months now.

 

I agree!

 

Last year I went out on 3 dates with a guy who I found attractive but didnt have that spark with. He was a really nice guy too. Its sad to say this, but I think at that point I was attracted to the 'not so nice' guys so I almost passed on another date...turned our date 4 was a game changer. At the end of the date he pulled me in for the most intense, passionate kiss and THAT was the moment I felt that spark...big time

 

It didnt end up working out because I wasnt in a good place (horrible year of dating) but I was glad I gave him another shot

 

Keep an open mind and if you're feeling like you might want him to kiss you....be obvi! Hes a nice guy so he might need a little bit of a push in the right direction. A kiss might change things

 

Fingers crossed for you girly!

[Gaeta]

Hello,

This past week I started talking to another man who asked me out for a first date on Sunday. The conversation was fun, easy and we have a lot in common. He asks me good questions and he is very engaging to talk to. All this gives me energy, which is very different how I feel with my Friday date. It doesn't help that Friday guy is texting, but they are just check ins and not really moving things forward. I am trying, but his text game is lackluster and I don't feel like talking to him on the phone anymore.

 

I will add that I was questioning the first man all along, but went with it because I wanted to give him a chance.

 

You can't expect a man to escalate anything after only 1 date. As I see it he is being careful to not over-text which is an attraction-killer. He touches bases with you and you should appreciate that. The real test is in person, not on text.

 

Second guy could be all talk and no actions. I don't know how many times I clicked on text or online with someone to only be disappointed in person. Sometimes more they talk less they act, you have to watch out for that. This early in the game keep your options open and give the runners a chance.

[selinaluv]

Okay I will see how it goes. LOL actually his art of texting is sending me photos of a truckload of dead fish he caught and a pic of his really muddy boots. None of it indicating we will have much in common in the long run, but I guess we never know.

 

I will see how it goes, but for some reason I actually have this feeling of really not wanting to go and I am not sure where it is coming from.

 

And I know the other guy could be all talk and a dud. We have spoken on the phone a couple times and the conversations have been good. He isn't really a factor here, more so if I am forcing myself to do something that I don't really want to do out of obligation to give it another try. It's funny cause I usually don't feel this way.

 

And I should add that I think some would find him attractive, but I am not sure I do.

Edited February 9, 2017 by selinaluv

[olivetree]

From what you said, I see more potential with the second guy.

You enjoyed the convo and were energized by it.

Plus you have lots in common.

 

With the first/country guy you have "very different" lifestyles and interests.

While I don't think you need to share all the same interests, there should be some overlap there so you can find fun things to do together.

Different lifestyles though is a huge compatibility issue to overcome.

It still doesn't hurt to go out again though and see if you can find more common ground.

[selinaluv]

It's also funny cause he told me his last girlfriend he found on FarmersOnly.com.

 

He also questioned my college degree and seemed perplexed by it, despite the fact that we live in a big metro area (him on the outskirts) and many women he will encounter have degrees.

 

The FarmersOnly thing made me stop because that shows me that is the woman he is probably looking for and I am not it.

 

What initially bonded us is that I do love horses and rode a lot as a kid. My life doesn't allow me to do as much now, but I have never been into the overall cowboy lifestyle. He competitively ropes and got into it as a hobby late in life. He is fully engrossed in it and heads to competitions every weekend in the summer. Our coffee date was essentially 95% talking about horses, which I can definitely do, but that may just be it.

 

The more I type this, the more I actually question why he even wants to pursue me further.

[Popsicle]

I'm a city girl and my ex was a country boy. He was also in farmersonly, which shocked me but he has always dated country girls. It was definitely perplexing to me and he tried to change me into a country girl but that didn't happen. The differences are both intriguing and annoying at the same time but we had a strong attraction to each other for some strange reason. I understand.

Edited February 10, 2017 by Popsicle

[Leigh 87]

Not all relationships start out with sparks.

 

Men usually need to feel a spark right away however, for women it is more commonly innate for us to fall hard for someone in absence of the dizzying honeymoon or infatuation phase.

 

If a healthy long term relationship and kids are your end goal, and you're 30 or above, then definitely give this guy a chance. Wild passion and high compatability with a decent guy who shares your values is near impossible to find; most healthy adults compromise on the initial sparks and chemistry front if stability and/or starting a family in their goal.

 

I personally go for the chemistry and wouldn't be able to overlook the fact a guy wasn't enamoured by me nor thought I was anything special right from the start.

 

I am also not motivated to go on dates with men when they're not the men who's texts I look forward to.

 

This works well for me as I am a traveler and adventurer who is indifferent about kids and my life goal is to save dogs and cats, and travel as much as possible.

 

Most women crave a relationship and a partner so you would be better of giving any guy that doesn't physically repulse you a fair chance. You will probably be pleasantly surprised.

 

Where as if you continue chasing the men with whom you're instantly into, you are likely to remain single with little chance at getting it all (instant sparks and amazing compatability).

 

Your best bet would be to find a guy who doesn't repulse you yet you click with; then grow into him the way Gatea did her boyfriend. Besides. All relationships even the most sexually charged ones, end up being 80% friendship and 20% holding hands and sex and romance.

 

If you're a dreamer like me who is all about how someone makes you feel with compatability being the second thing you assess for- you may never grow into the guy the way you would the men with whom you share instant chemistry with.

 

I am sure you will be able to find a guy, if not this guy, who you grow really excited about over time.

 

Give it a shot. Most women want a partner and a relationship so this by far your best bet.

[selinaluv]

Not all relationships start out with sparks.

 

Men usually need to feel a spark right away however, for women it is more commonly innate for us to fall hard for someone in absence of the dizzying honeymoon or infatuation phase.

 

If a healthy long term relationship and kids are your end goal, and you're 30 or above, then definitely give this guy a chance. Wild passion and high compatability with a decent guy who shares your values is near impossible to find; most healthy adults compromise on the initial sparks and chemistry front if stability and/or starting a family in their goal.

 

I personally go for the chemistry and wouldn't be able to overlook the fact a guy wasn't enamoured by me nor thought I was anything special right from the start.

 

I am also not motivated to go on dates with men when they're not the men who's texts I look forward to.

 

This works well for me as I am a traveler and adventurer who is indifferent about kids and my life goal is to save dogs and cats, and travel as much as possible.

 

Most women crave a relationship and a partner so you would be better of giving any guy that doesn't physically repulse you a fair chance. You will probably be pleasantly surprised.

 

Where as if you continue chasing the men with whom you're instantly into, you are likely to remain single with little chance at getting it all (instant sparks and amazing compatability).

 

Your best bet would be to find a guy who doesn't repulse you yet you click with; then grow into him the way Gatea did her boyfriend. Besides. All relationships even the most sexually charged ones, end up being 80% friendship and 20% holding hands and sex and romance.

 

If you're a dreamer like me who is all about how someone makes you feel with compatability being the second thing you assess for- you may never grow into the guy the way you would the men with whom you share instant chemistry with.

 

I am sure you will be able to find a guy, if not this guy, who you grow really excited about over time.

 

Give it a shot. Most women want a partner and a relationship so this by far your best bet.

 

Thank you for the feedback. Some of this I can relate to, but I was with my ex-husband for 15 years and have a daughter. I am in my early 40s and marriage and kids is not my end game.

 

My ex and I did not start out with sparks and we knew each other for a while. But there was an attraction and once we started talking it was game over. So I definitely know what finding the one feels like. We didn't last, but for a long time he was my one.

 

Now I am looking for companionship and someone to have an enjoyable time with. I don't really have an end game further then that. I am not even sure I want to get married again.

 

I actually don't look forward to his texts and I am not sure our values are actually the same (for example politics, which is a big thing right now for many). He has said a couple things that made me bristle.

 

I am all about giving the guy a chance and not just going for the flash and I admit I have made mistakes. But I am also not sure if nice is just enough.

 

I still don't know how I will proceed and I am still not sure if I even have a date to be honest. He asked and a date was secured, but nothing else. I would actually be okay if he phased out of it.

 

I will also add that my Sunday guy also seems like a really good guy and also does not give off a player vibe. In fact many women may find cowboy more traditionally attractive, so it is not about flash here. He is really asking good questions to get to know me and showing me he is interested in knowing my personality (something cowboy hasn't really done). I say this because I don't want him to be shortchanged here. He could turn out to be a dud, but so far he is positive.

 

It really comes down in this case to someone who I enjoy talking to and hearing from versus someone I am not as in to. The only difference is I have met one and the one I met is the one that I have questions about.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I think you should call it off if you can't see yourself kissing him. No need to waste his time when he can be chasing other Women who will reciprocate.

 

Just my .02

 

 

 

I would be pretty upset if a girl kept going out with me but knew inside that things aren't going to work out.

Edited February 10, 2017 by barcode88

[coolheadal]

Listen we're all looking for perfection but at the same time we're not going to like everyone person we encounter. So your first guy date you have with a country guy and your city gal. Right there you gone out with him and you felt not connection with him, but you was nice enough to give him a try. Now you move on to the next guy until you find the right one to be with. It's up you to decide who you want to be with. Your single mom also you have to make sure the guy you take is okay with you having a child. Also make sure that he's not expecting you to have more kids too. I find a lot of women who have one child don't want to have anymore. A lot tell him they had trouble with the first child plus other factors they don't want to go through again. So that is something to think about also. Maybe your not ready to date or get into any sort of relationship now. Remember your child comes first any dates are going to come second as your mom with child. Most woman find it hard to coupe in dating with a child. Some can find the time to do both. As for your dates you'll find the right man either nice minded or strong minded whichever you find you like 100%.

[selinaluv]

I think you should call it off if you can't see yourself kissing him. No need to waste his time when he can be chasing other Women who will reciprocate.

 

Just my .02

 

 

 

I would be pretty upset if a girl kept going out with me but knew inside that things aren't going to work out.

 

I actually agree with this a lot. Part of me feels guilty wasting his time. I know myself and if I don't like the idea of kissing him, I am not sure that is going to change. Stringing him along is not fair either. This may be the wrong thing to do, but I feel like my gut is telling me something for a reason. I normally don't feel this way even when I am lukewarm about a man.

 

Last night he actually sent me a photo of him out with a beer and a shot. I am not sure why he did that. He never mentioned the date or anything. I finally asked him if we were on, but opted to tell him it would not work. I did it because I am not feeling comfortable with the date and I can't pinpoint why.

 

Anyway I do feel at peace with it and regardless what happens with my Sunday date, I don't regret opting out with cowboy. I realize I have to have momentum going in a positive direction.

[Gaeta]

Your list of displeases turned out to be much longer than the few points you named in your original post. Under these circumstances yes it's better to not pursue. Update us on the Sunday date! and good luck.

[SevenCity]

Hello,

 

I have a second date scheduled on Friday with a nice guy, but I am just not sure I am that interested. Our lifestyles and interests are extremely different (I am city, he is country) and even though he is an attractive man, I had no attraction to him. I honestly could not see myself kissing him.

 

The conversation was nice and he asked me out again and I said yes because part of me felt I needed to step out of my box and go out with people different from my norm.

 

This past week I started talking to another man who asked me out for a first date on Sunday. The conversation was fun, easy and we have a lot in common. He asks me good questions and he is very engaging to talk to. All this gives me energy, which is very different how I feel with my Friday date. It doesn't help that Friday guy is texting, but they are just check ins and not really moving things forward. I am trying, but his text game is lackluster and I don't feel like talking to him on the phone anymore.

 

I will add that I was questioning the first man all along, but went with it because I wanted to give him a chance.

 

My question is is it better to opt out of something that is lukewarm at best and not sure I see changing or go through with the date.

 

Being a single mom who budgets her childcare options, I don't want to waste time on things that I personally see a low percentage of progressing, but I also want to be fair here.

 

If you want to do what's fair, don't waste any more of his time or money.

 

I would much rather not waste my time with a girl who won't even kiss me. There are plenty of women out there who are more interested in him than you. The more time of his you waste, the longer it will take him to find the right girl.

 

You are not into him. No giving him a chance will change that.

Edited February 10, 2017 by SevenCity

[selinaluv]

Listen we're all looking for perfection but at the same time we're not going to like everyone person we encounter. So your first guy date you have with a country guy and your city gal. Right there you gone out with him and you felt not connection with him, but you was nice enough to give him a try. Now you move on to the next guy until you find the right one to be with. It's up you to decide who you want to be with. Your single mom also you have to make sure the guy you take is okay with you having a child. Also make sure that he's not expecting you to have more kids too. I find a lot of women who have one child don't want to have anymore. A lot tell him they had trouble with the first child plus other factors they don't want to go through again. So that is something to think about also. Maybe your not ready to date or get into any sort of relationship now. Remember your child comes first any dates are going to come second as your mom with child. Most woman find it hard to coupe in dating with a child. Some can find the time to do both. As for your dates you'll find the right man either nice minded or strong minded whichever you find you like 100%.

 

I am not even looking for perfection, but I do think I need a connection of some kind. Something that keeps me intrigued. Not sure it was happening here. I don't want to be sliding backwards in my feelings.

 

It is true. I actually had a couple reservations before we initially met. Living distance, location, lifestyle, religious beliefs... But because of thinking I need to give the "nice" guy a chance, I met him.

 

And yes, dating with a child is a completely different ballgame for several reasons. Time, money (babysitters are expensive)... I need to make sure someone is worthwhile. I admit to dating some men for fun and knowing it won't go anywhere, but in the moment that was what was right for me.

 

Now I want to find someone who is a companion and a good friend. I know that will take a bit longer and I have to be more selective. I have been burned a bit lately, so I think this is just me reacting to it all. What I do know is that my other prospect and I have talked on the phone enough now for me to know we connect well talking, make each other laugh, and have a great deal in common. I know it means nothing until we meeting, but he gives me energy and cowboy does not.

[selinaluv]

If you want to do what's fair, don't waste any more of his time or money.

 

I would much rather not waste my time with a girl who won't even kiss me. There are plenty of women out there who are more interested in him than you. The more time of his you waste, the longer it will take him to find the right girl.

 

You are not into him. No giving him a chance will change that.

 

Thank you. I agree with this and that is what I did. I may or may not regret it, but I do think I did what was fair to him. I think he can find a woman better suited for him.

[SevenCity]

Thank you. I agree with this and that is what I did. I may or may not regret it, but I do think I did what was fair to him. I think he can find a woman better suited for him.

 

Good move - he likely was feeling that you weren't into it already. Those types of feelings are hard to hide.

[selinaluv]

Your list of displeases turned out to be much longer than the few points you named in your original post. Under these circumstances yes it's better to not pursue. Update us on the Sunday date! and good luck.

 

Yes, I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I think writing it out and gathering my thoughts here made it more clear to me.

 

Sunday date and I agreed to move the date to Saturday, which is even better for both of us. I will update.

[selinaluv]

Good move - he likely was feeling that you weren't into it already. Those types of feelings are hard to hide.

 

Thank you. I think much of my dismay with OLD is the fact that people pursue, date, give wrong messages, want to get physical, then just disappear. I think it is kinder to do a "thanks, but no thanks" that way everything is clear. I feel good that I did that here and did not just disappear on him. I don't owe him a second date, but I do owe him a close out.

[Redhead14]

Hello,

 

I have a second date scheduled on Friday with a nice guy, but I am just not sure I am that interested. Our lifestyles and interests are extremely different (I am city, he is country) and even though he is an attractive man, I had no attraction to him. I honestly could not see myself kissing him.

 

The conversation was nice and he asked me out again and I said yes because part of me felt I needed to step out of my box and go out with people different from my norm.

 

This past week I started talking to another man who asked me out for a first date on Sunday. The conversation was fun, easy and we have a lot in common. He asks me good questions and he is very engaging to talk to. All this gives me energy, which is very different how I feel with my Friday date. It doesn't help that Friday guy is texting, but they are just check ins and not really moving things forward. I am trying, but his text game is lackluster and I don't feel like talking to him on the phone anymore.

 

I will add that I was questioning the first man all along, but went with it because I wanted to give him a chance.

 

My question is is it better to opt out of something that is lukewarm at best and not sure I see changing or go through with the date.

 

Being a single mom who budgets her childcare options, I don't want to waste time on things that I personally see a low percentage of progressing, but I also want to be fair here.

 

I don't know what you mean by "fair". Either you have enough interest in him to arrange child care or you don't. The only one you need to be fair to is YOU and your children. You aren't "feeling it" for the first guy, so move on. It would be one thing if you had even a little "spark", it's different when you're not feeling it at all. Don't force yourself to go on a date.

[Dis]

Your list of displeases turned out to be much longer than the few points you named in your original post. Under these circumstances yes it's better to not pursue. Update us on the Sunday date! and good luck.

 

Ya I wasnt aware of all these other issues either

 

I'm glad you passed on this one!!

 

I hope you have better luck with the other guy. I have a date on Sunday too. Lets hope both our dates go well!!!

[selinaluv]

Ya I wasnt aware of all these other issues either

 

I'm glad you passed on this one!!

 

I hope you have better luck with the other guy. I have a date on Sunday too. Lets hope both our dates go well!!!

 

Yeah, this is one of those moments where I had to go with my gut. It was screaming at me for a reason and I learned long ago not to ignore it. It doesn't always trigger, but when it does it is usually right.

 

Thank you for the luck! Same to you! I have a positive feeling about this, but you never can be sure til you meet. One good thing is we are both on same page with relationship wants. I will always be a bit on guard, but he seems genuine with that.

[Dis]

Yeah, this is one of those moments where I had to go with my gut. It was screaming at me for a reason and I learned long ago not to ignore it. It doesn't always trigger, but when it does it is usually right.

 

Thank you for the luck! Same to you! I have a positive feeling about this, but you never can be sure til you meet. One good thing is we are both on same page with relationship wants. I will always be a bit on guard, but he seems genuine with that.

 

I hear you on that gut feeling. Mine has never been wrong either. I liked this guy less and less after reading more of your posts about him. He didnt ask questions about you??? Ummm.....NEXT!!!!

 

I'm so glad you have a good feeling about the other guy. Thats always encouraging. I dont know much about the guy I'm going on a date with. He's not a frequent messager. Just one or two long, quality messages everyday and we've only been talking for a couple days. I'm trying to convince myself that I still have hope hahaha We shall see!