tomhservo Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 My ex GF reached out to me about two months ago. We'd been broken up for about 3 months so I thought that it was reasonably safe to start hanging out again. I honestly had no intentions of getting back together. However, my ex began texting all the time, asking me out to events, cooking dinner for me, and even gave me Christmas gifts. She also was the first to initiate physical contact and was the first person to suggest we start sleeping together again. I really liked the girl and decided that it was worth a shot to give us another chance. For a month or so everything seemed to go well and then, quite suddenly, when south again. When I confronted her about it she said that she wished we had stayed platonic and that she didn't want to be in a relationship. We had committed to a ski trip the next day with her son. I didn't want to let the boy down so I said fine, I will go skiing but after that I will need some space. Throughout the next day my ex kept trying to tie strings, so to speak. Offering to lend me books and movies, which I turned down. Saying things like "next time we do this" which I ignored. She also seemed to refuse accept the fact that I was trying to back away. For example, she had previously lent me some dog training equipment. I had brought the gear along with me to return to her. When I tried to tell her this she immediately started talking over me and completely ignored what I was saying. At the end of the day she drove away so fast that I did not have the chance to return her stuff. The next day, while running some errands, I left her things in her mailbox (she was not home at the time). A couple of hours later I received a random text message from her asking about a ambulance that she had seen at my brother's apartment building. I feel like this was basically her seeing if I would respond. I really do like this girl. But it seems like she has no idea what she wants and will constantly be flipping back and forth from hot to cold and I end up getting hurt. I decided to block her number and Facebook because I did not think that she would respect my desire to have some space. Was this the right move or am I being a jerk?
preraph Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Just tell her you don't hate her or anything but you're just not a match and feel it's healthier to go no contact.
Been Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 No. Not unless you want a hot and cold relationship. Why do you think she does that with you?
Author tomhservo Posted February 10, 2017 Author Posted February 10, 2017 Honestly, I think she's scared of relationships. She's had several seriously bad ones in the past. I think, at this point, that she's terrified of opening herself up. Every time she starts to get close to some one she starts looking for faults and reasons to bail because she's afraid of getting hurt.
Bromeo Posted February 10, 2017 Posted February 10, 2017 You were not wrong to block her. Having been through this scenario on steroids, I think you've handled things way better than I did. My ex would reach out, then disappear, send bikini pics, then go dark. Come over, hook up, then retreat for a week. It killed me. I had never seen anything like it. In this case, you seem to be in beginning stages of that. lol You defeat this behavior by clearly communicating what you want, and not accepting less, as unfortunately I did. Also, you were right to return her stuff. If she is the type to run like that, as mine was, you have to let her go. After she was finally clear with me (months later), I finally went NC. A month later she tried to kick the games up. I only tolerated it for two weeks this time, before telling her to kick rocks, and it still sucked. You are doing the right thing. For some reason exs like to exist right in the middle of drama, and you being clear defeats this. 2
Rouik Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 You definitely were justified in cutting off contact, You got to look out for yourself and forcing a relationship to try and work with what you described going on would not be good for you or her or even her child for that matter. Best of luck and keep moving forward.
Author tomhservo Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) So to summarize a previous post my ex broke things off with me about a month ago. However, in the midst of the breakup she kept trying to keep ties alive by offering to lend me things, trying to make future plans, texting about my brother, etc. So I told her I wanted space and, after all belongings were returned, blocked her FB and phone #. Didn't mean any animosity but just wanted to be able to move on without setbacks. Fast forward to last night. Every Tuesday my friends and I get together for pub trivia. In the past I had actually brought my ex along. So she knows I'm there every Tuesday. But she has never been there before unless she came with me. Last night I walked in and there she was. I didn't want any drama so I steered clear of her as much as possible. However, she kept walking over to my table and talking to everyone else sitting at the table (this happened at least 3x). She also pulled my friend aside and asked about me. Apparently she had tried texting me at some point in the last couple of weeks. At the end of the night I went to the restroom and she hung around my table until I came back before she left. As far as I can tell the only reason she did this was to make sure I saw her before she left. It really put me in an awkward situation. Basically, made me feel like I had to choose between being an ******* or risking opening the old wound again. But I have no idea what her intentions were. Can someone offer insight? Thank you. Edited February 22, 2017 by tomhservo
Ieris Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 @tomhservo ~ Some people lurk around because they want to see if they still have you on the hook.. her desperate attempts to get your attention is quite cringey. The thing is she broke up with you.. twice.. what makes her think she can pick you up and drop you down as she pleases? You already gave her a second chance so I don't think she deserves a third.
Author tomhservo Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 Right? When she broke up with me the second time I thought that was the end of it all. That we would basically go our separate ways for a while. But its been the opposite. She tells me to move on but won't let me. Thanks, Ieris, and everyone else that has posted responses. They have all been extremely helpful.
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