Dating pool gets smaller as you get older

[4kad]

I had the most success on craigslist because I was not in competition with other men since a woman is not looking at tons of photos at one time. On craigslist not many men post their pic which made it easier to stand out.

 

If you are using a site like plenty of fish it becomes more challenging because she is seeing so many pics at one time.

[4kad]

try MEETUP.COM to make new friends

 

I may try that since it's a new year and need a change from the same sites.

[normal person]

I feel that the older I get, the smaller the dating pool becomes.

 

Why is it so hard to find women to go on dates with?

 

How old are you and where do you live?

 

Where would I go to meet eligible bachelorettes?

 

Bars, clubs, and online dating.

 

I've already ruled out bars and clubs, and online dating is like playing the lottery

 

Why? You don't think any "good" women go there? Most people do, regardless of education, income, social class, etc. I always shake my head when people come on here and say "Where do I meet women? I don't go to bars."

 

Well if you don't go to bars, that's your problem. Bars are still the de facto place to meet members of the opposite sex in real life. The world isn't going to cater to your whims. Just because you don't like them doesn't mean they're still not one of, if not the, best place to meet other people.

 

online dating is like playing the lottery.

 

Only if you haven't put in the work to figure it out. You might be of the age that still thinks it's "weird" to meet someone online, but for most people nowadays, it's weird not to. It's like a bar that you can always be in. But then again, you're against bars, too...

 

I'm a handsome guy, some women have even told me that I'm cute, sexy or hot.

 

Everyone has heard this at some point in their lives. If you don't have women backing up their words with actions, take it with a grain of salt and be cautious about wearing it as a feather in your cap. Consider all the times you've called a girl "cute" but didn't mean it because you didn't want to hurt her feelings. If you're attractive, you've heard it from people your whole life and people have been trying to be with you quite consistently. "Some" women saying it a few times is a far cry from that. I'm not saying you're no one's cup of tea, I'm just giving you a healthy one of reality by saying don't let these go to your head too much. Simply put, if you're attractive, you attract people.

 

I'm also well educated, have a healthy sense of humor and I'm fit, so what gives?

 

Here's what gives: you're probably a great guy, but the best and most efficient ways to meet women these days are bars, clubs, and online dating. You think you're above all three. That's why you're having such a problem: you're denying yourself exposure to women. To get a women, you first need to cross paths with and interact with her, and you won't go to any place (real or virtual) where that happens regularly. If you want to catch a fish, you should look in the ocean or in a lake. You're saying "I don't like oceans or lakes, I'm going to stick to this puddle." That's fine if it's what you want to do, but it's not really practical and by doing so you sort of forfeit the right to complain about your lack of results because you're not willing to do what's necessary to get the results you want.

 

I go out with a lot of girls. I would say 65% of women I meet online. Most of them are very successful, smart, accomplished, beautiful, etc. There's is no shortage of "quality" women online. ~34% of women I go out with, I meet at a bar, party, through mutual friends (usual at a bar/party), and 1% I meet elsewhere, like a girl who works somewhere I'm shopping at -- it's very, very difficult to meet people like this and you're putting all your chips on it. I would diversify your methodology, if I were you. If you want something, do what's necessary to get it, even if it's difficult, foreign, or uncomfortable. Learn from your mistakes and apply what you learn. That's the best method for success.

 

Dating is Darwinian. Adapt to the environment or die waiting for it to adapt to you. It never will.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I think for a while, say mid-20s to late-30s or thereabouts (maybe early 40s), that may be true, as that's when people are dating seriously, marrying and then having children/children are getting a bit older/no longer babies, but after that, people start getting divorced and there are then a ton of singles all over again.

 

BUT as an "older" person (how much older? How old are you?), you are no longer among all those singles the way you were when you were much younger. For example, a 21-year-old in college can't swing a dead cat without running into another single on campus. In fact he can't walk with his eyes open and not see one within a few seconds of leaving his dorm in the morning.

 

As you get "older" those situations don't exist anymore, and if large pools of people do exist, they're never going to approach that sheer number as in, all in one place - but that's perhaps as much a product of situation as it is of "age". By then, most people are working. Unless you work in the hugest company imaginable you're still never going to be in the midst of, say, a couple hundred people in a given day and again, assuming many of them are mid-20s through mid-40s, only a percentage of those will be single people.

 

So it's just a difference of not "knowing" when you walk down the street that a given person is taken (unless s/he is wearing a ring - and even then, not all married people do), of cycling through the same people again and again at work with a percentage being married, etc., etc.

 

I don't think it's a question of the dating "pool" being significantly smaller. Up to a percentage, yes, but not to the extent you may be thinking.

 

So this leaves us with:

 

1. How old are you?

2. How old are the women you want to approach? (That makes a difference too...no matter what anyone tells you. Very young women WILL have many more options and this will indeed put you near the back unless you look AMAZING or have some other, shall we say, draw.)

[KennyIndiana]

I does get smaller in two ways. 1). people peel off & partner up and 2). the built in meeting somebody through school goes away. However it is possible to meet people later in life. I was 39 when I met my husband. It was a 1st marriage for both of us.

 

 

Bars, clubs & OLD are probably the most obvious but they are not the only places to meet somebody. You will have to make an effort. Try a combination of the following:

 

 

1. At work. Not your company but who do you routinely see on the commute, at lunch, where you get your morning coffee, who delivers to your office, at a convention or gathering for your industry?

 

 

2. Networking for business. Go to a chamber of commerce type event. I met my husband at a business card exchange.

 

 

3. Go speed dating. That almost never has enough men

 

 

4. Through you local church. Go to services & any social activities afterwards

 

 

5. Be open to introductions / fix ups from friends & families. If a blind date sounds horrible, get the person you know to invite you & the person they want to fix you up with & a few other people to meet for a drink. If things go well, you & the other person peel off & chat. Very little pressure

 

 

6. Attend singles events / groups. They are not all traditional meat markets. There are all sorts of niche groups that do various things. Some see movies, taste wine, go hiking etc. My friend met her husband through a ski club. Even though I don't ski I got a few dates by attending the pure social things that club did. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog who made me feel more comfortable. Before I met my husband I was in the process of signing up for a singles golf match. They pair you with somebody else to play 18 holes; I figured even if it wasn't love at least I'd get to play.

 

 

7. Volunteer to do something you are passionate about. Raise money to cure a disease. Serve as a docent at your local museum. Join a Board. Protest something. Save animals or the planet.

 

 

8. Play on a co-ed sports team

 

 

9. Get involved in your alumni association

 

 

10. Join a community group like the Elks, The Lions, Rotary etc

 

 

11. Throw a block party / hall / building party to get to know your neighbors.

 

 

12. Go on a singles cruise. Be careful with this one because the person you meet may be G.U.D.

 

 

13. The cliché of the grocery store or laundry mat. Do always smile at strangers when you are out.

 

 

14. Get 4-5 buddies together & have a dinner party. Have each guest bring a member of the opposite sex whom they adore but who they aren't dating -- a BFF, a sister, a cousin etc. Have all the guests socialize. It's kind of like a group blind date but it's not one on one & everybody there was vouched for

 

 

15. The gym

While this all sounds good in theory, it hasn't worked for me in the past at all. I am in a similar situation. I am 36, never married, not socially flawed like was mentioned, but women are never interested in me in the slightest. I am not bad looking, educated, etc. I spent years being as social as I could be always being out mingling and everything, but no women ever look in my direction. After a while you just give up. Its been over ten years since my last relationship, or even a date or anything, although there have been many women over the years that I was interested in dating. I think some of us just aren't attractive for whatever reason.

[CaliforniaGirl]

While this all sounds good in theory, it hasn't worked for me in the past at all. I am in a similar situation. I am 36, never married, not socially flawed like was mentioned, but women are never interested in me in the slightest. I am not bad looking, educated, etc. I spent years being as social as I could be always being out mingling and everything, but no women ever look in my direction. After a while you just give up. Its been over ten years since my last relationship, or even a date or anything, although there have been many women over the years that I was interested in dating. I think some of us just aren't attractive for whatever reason.

 

You really haven't had any opportunities at all during these 10 most recent years? No women wanted to go out with you?

[Logo]

You think you're above all three.

 

 

I have actually tried all three for a long time and nothing came of it.

[normal person]

I have actually tried all three for a long time and nothing came of it.

 

Why do you think?

[BlueRidgeMT]

Everyone over 40 who has not been married or doesn't have kids isn't crazy. Sheesh. Some times things don't work out. My last ex asked me to marry him, but we were totally wrong for each other. It was one of the worse relationships ive been in, and drained me emotionally. No one who knew our relationship could say that was my fault.

 

So, sometimes things just don't work out, and you find yourself over 40 and still looking. By then, lots of people are either married, or divorced and bitter.

[Logo]

If you'll date women the same age as you, you won't experience the dating pool getting smaller as you get older.

 

I am looking for women in my age group.

[normal person]

I am looking for women in my age group.

 

What's your age group, where do you live, why do you think bars and online dating didn't work out for you, and why are you avoiding all these salient questions?

[Eternal Sunshine]

OLD has made me realise that I'm in like 98th percentile of sanity and having my life together for my age (and I'm actually far from being that sane). The amount of men that were unemployed, broke, living with parents, emotionally broken from nasty divorces or just 40 year old frat boys that still went clubbing and heavy drinking on bi-weekly basis was astounding.

 

The small % of men my age that seemed to have their life together (I'm in late 30s) only chased after 25 year old model look-alikes and then complained about horrible luck. And I'm talking here about average looking men with average jobs that just seemed kind of stable with no glaring red flags or horrible baggage. Not rich hotties by any stretch.

[SevenCity]

Everyone over 40 who has not been married or doesn't have kids isn't crazy. Sheesh. Some times things don't work out. My last ex asked me to marry him, but we were totally wrong for each other. It was one of the worse relationships ive been in, and drained me emotionally. No one who knew our relationship could say that was my fault.

 

So, sometimes things just don't work out, and you find yourself over 40 and still looking. By then, lots of people are either married, or divorced and bitter.

 

Not everyone, but a lot to most of them.

 

And to point to your case you stayed in "the worse" relationship for how long? That has got to have had an impact on you and your future prospects.

 

By this I mean you are probably: 1) Emotionally unavailable, 2) Scorned, 3) Overly cautious.

 

It's difficult to start a relationship with someone who has emotional baggage like that. Nothing against you personally, but I suspect you would be more open to a relationship before this last one than afterwards. Any slight sign of traits of your ex would likely send you running even if you didn't have hard proof.

 

They say experience makes you better, but with relationships that went wrong it's like wear and tear on a car. It drains you and makes you less open and trusting.

 

ps: Nothing against you - I had what was the best relationship of my life and now that its over I have all three of those traits

[SevenCity]

OLD has made me realise that I'm in like 98th percentile of sanity and having my life together for my age (and I'm actually far from being that sane). The amount of men that were unemployed, broke, living with parents, emotionally broken from nasty divorces or just 40 year old frat boys that still went clubbing and heavy drinking on bi-weekly basis was astounding.

 

The small % of men my age that seemed to have their life together (I'm in late 30s) only chased after 25 year old model look-alikes and then complained about horrible luck. And I'm talking here about average looking men with average jobs that just seemed kind of stable with no glaring red flags or horrible baggage. Not rich hotties by any stretch.

 

I've dated an alcoholic who lived with her mom and didn't work, one who hadn't had a job in over a year, and another who had her financial stuff together but put herself on a plateau higher than anyone else on the planet.

 

Dead beats / psychos on OLD are not limited to guys. What's worse is many of the women expect a guy like me to come in and fix everything ($$$$).

 

I'm tall and handsome, I have a good job, a house, money in the bank and a good head on my shoulders and I try to go for women closer to my age. A lot of the better looking ones want to date younger guys too.

 

Honestly, OLD is primarily based on looks for most people. I won't date a girl I'm not attracted to but once they meet that level they can far surpass a hotter girl if they show they have more to offer than just their looks.

[SevenCity]

I have actually tried all three for a long time and nothing came of it.

 

Honestly, the last place I want to meet a women in her late 30s / early 40s is at a bar or club. First, it's not a great environment as they have their guard up. Second, a woman near my age who still likes to go clubbing and bar hopping will not be a good match for me.

 

How about you Logo? What has been your experience at bars / clubs / online?

[Hoosfoos]

I'm totally with you on this. It's a complete s#itshow out there.

[Logo]

Honestly, the last place I want to meet a women in her late 30s / early 40s is at a bar or club. First, it's not a great environment as they have their guard up. Second, a woman near my age who still likes to go clubbing and bar hopping will not be a good match for me.

 

How about you Logo? What has been your experience at bars / clubs / online?

 

I have had similar experiences. At clubs, the women tend to be too young. And if they are my age and I approach them, we might have a nice conversation, we click, and then when I casually ask her for her phone number she tells that she has a boyfriend.

 

Another common scenario that has happened so many times: There would be a group of women, I would approach them and start making conversation and then maybe 'focus' on the one I'm interested in, we hit it off. We're having a good time, when suddenly one of her least good looking friends comes over and literally pulls her away. When I ask for a phone number I get, "Sorry I have to go".

 

Mind you, there are so many times when I'm not even interested in the woman romantically, I just want to socialize, and as soon as I approach her I can tell she's already thinking 'This guy just wants to get into my pants'. People can't apparently just have conversations anymore. There's always a hidden agenda or you could be a "bull****ter". Those are the ones with the baggage who are just out of bad relationships, they think everyone is rotten.

 

Online, I have had luck contacting a few women and going out on a couple of dates, but I found no physical attraction toward one and the other was just strange. She claimed she wanted a relationship. Everything went well on the date, but she was 'busy' when I asked her for a second.

 

Then there are the women that I could be exchanging messages with for a few days and when I finally try to move things forward by asking for their number or to meet someplace public, they stop responding. So it's gotten to the point that I just don't send out messages and just wait to see if someone contacts me.

 

By the way, about bars and clubs, most women there are either with someone, a boyfriend or a husband or they are with their "besties", just trying to have fun, so "Have a good night, thanks".

[Eternal Sunshine]

Once I'm single again, I'm going to try a different approach with OLD. Usually I would wait for men to contact me and the pick out of them. The problem is that men that initiated contact with me were 99% deadbeats and creeps.

 

I plan to go on OLD sites once per week max, browse through profiles of men and contact those I find appealing. I will probably send out 10 emails or so and see if anyone bites. Rinse and repeat. I have never done much initiation before.

[Sweetfish]

I have had similar experiences. At clubs, the women tend to be too young. And if they are my age and I approach them, we might have a nice conversation, we click, and then when I casually ask her for her phone number she tells that she has a boyfriend.

 

Another common scenario that has happened so many times: There would be a group of women, I would approach them and start making conversation and then maybe 'focus' on the one I'm interested in, we hit it off. We're having a good time, when suddenly one of her least good looking friends comes over and literally pulls her away. When I ask for a phone number I get, "Sorry I have to go".

 

I can clearly see what your problem is straight off the bat!

 

Your too aggressive and to nice all at the same time.

 

If your interested in one of the girls you should NOT pull her away from her friends.. EVER. You need to stay and entertain all the girls. Introduce your self and be friendly to all of them.. get the girl you like her facebook. No one wants to give out numbers anymore. Now you have a way to get a telephone number later.

 

Mind you, there are so many times when I'm not even interested in the woman romantically, I just want to socialize, and as soon as I approach her I can tell she's already thinking 'This guy just wants to get into my pants'.

 

that's because she is actively thinking about the guy who will get into her pants. She will constantly be on guard.. that's just life. stop asking for telephone numbers and just go for the Facebook.

 

 

Then there are the women that I could be exchanging messages with for a few days and when I finally try to move things forward by asking for their number or to meet someplace public, they stop responding. So it's gotten to the point that I just don't send out messages and just wait to see if someone contacts me.

 

Stop asking and start telling them.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

OLD has made me realise that I'm in like 98th percentile of sanity and having my life together for my age (and I'm actually far from being that sane). The amount of men that were unemployed, broke, living with parents, emotionally broken from nasty divorces or just 40 year old frat boys that still went clubbing and heavy drinking on bi-weekly basis was astounding.

 

The small % of men my age that seemed to have their life together (I'm in late 30s) only chased after 25 year old model look-alikes and then complained about horrible luck. And I'm talking here about average looking men with average jobs that just seemed kind of stable with no glaring red flags or horrible baggage. Not rich hotties by any stretch.

 

This is totally my experience

[LookAtThisPOst]

OLD has made me realise that I'm in like 98th percentile of sanity and having my life together for my age (and I'm actually far from being that sane). The amount of men that were unemployed, broke, living with parents, emotionally broken from nasty divorces or just 40 year old frat boys that still went clubbing and heavy drinking on bi-weekly basis was astounding.

 

The small % of men my age that seemed to have their life together (I'm in late 30s) only chased after 25 year old model look-alikes and then complained about horrible luck. And I'm talking here about average looking men with average jobs that just seemed kind of stable with no glaring red flags or horrible baggage. Not rich hotties by any stretch.

 

And on this end, I keep seeing the same faces of the women on these dating sites across the board that have already been non-responsive to me in the past. It's like I've reached the end of the line as there's only a finite number of women I can email.

 

I've sent some of them emails...again...hoping that maybe they don't remember me from months earlier...pretending as if I've never emailed them before. It's like they prefer to remain on dating sites for eternity.

[GoldSparkz]

I feel that the older I get, the smaller the dating pool becomes.

 

Why is it so hard to find women to go on dates with?

 

Where would I go to meet eligible bachelorettes?

 

I've already ruled out bars and clubs, and online dating is like playing the lottery.

 

I'm a handsome guy, some women have even told me that I'm cute, sexy or hot.

 

I'm also well educated, have a healthy sense of humor and I'm fit, so what gives?

 

Its true, the dating pool does get smaller with age but there are many reasons for this. For example, we get more selective as we get older, people have already settled down, people gain more baggage etc. But in some ways a smaller dating pool is a good things because you've weeded out all the undesirables. If the pool is too big, it is much harder to dye to "candy shop" syndrome and too much choice.

 

In terms of how to find eligible women, I wouldn't give up on bars and online dating as these places are full of good matches, but try to look at other options such as activity clubs, meet up groups, shopping malls, libraries, the workplace etc. I find the key to meeting people of the opposite sex is to get out there and be sociable. If you're in the shopping mall and you see a lady you like and she seems available, go and ask for her number. Also, ask your friends if their girlfriends have any single friends and maybe double date.

 

Finally, try not to be too picky when it comes to finding a partner. I found that a lot of good looking people usually disregard good matches because they feel as though there is always someone better around the corner. If you meet someone and she seems kind, friendly, smart and independent, then give her a chance. Best of luck!

[mikeylo]

And on this end, I keep seeing the same faces of the women on these dating sites across the board that have already been non-responsive to me in the past. It's like I've reached the end of the line as there's only a finite number of women I can email.

 

I've sent some of them emails...again...hoping that maybe they don't remember me from months earlier...pretending as if I've never emailed them before. It's like they prefer to remain on dating sites for eternity.

 

Lol ! Get a new hair cut ( if you have a lot of hair that is ! )

[Eternal Sunshine]

And on this end, I keep seeing the same faces of the women on these dating sites across the board that have already been non-responsive to me in the past. It's like I've reached the end of the line as there's only a finite number of women I can email.

 

I've sent some of them emails...again...hoping that maybe they don't remember me from months earlier...pretending as if I've never emailed them before. It's like they prefer to remain on dating sites for eternity.

 

You know Look, maybe we should just give up

 

I think the best place to meet people is kind of friends-of-friends scenarios. Not really an option for me since due to my career, I have never lived in the same city for more than few years at the time. Makes it kind of hard to establish solid friendships that would branch off to introductions to a small % of single people at our age.

[WaitingForBardot]

You know Logo, I think you just aren't taking the long view. Eventually, due to mortality differences, the women significantly outnumber the men and the dating pool gets larger. The nursing homes my Dad was in have all been predominantly women, some clearly on the prowl.

 

So in your place I'd just bide my time. I figure by the time I hit 90 I'd be knee-deep in the..., well you know!

 

..lol..