BF stopped responding

[basil67]

Lets all stop being jilted dumpees and at least respond according to the bigger picture.

 

When it comes to dealbreakers, there is no bigger picture. This is why they are called dealbreakers.

 

She crossed his dealbreaker line and he acted accordingly. End of story.

[marky00]

You're kidding right? If a small penis is an issue, there are many ways to address the problem without actually mentioning size.

 

Yeah I guess she could have just told him he sucks in bed and she hasn't ever climaxed once in the relationship.

 

 

After all, we all preach honesty on this site right?

[Sweetfish]

Settle down guys.

 

 

I didn't say that dumping him without explanation was the only other option.

 

 

I'm simply pointing out the fact there was a nasty issue at hand and t wasn't going to disappear magically, some pain was always going to be endured.

 

 

Also my point was that I have noticed us LS posters criticise and offer advise in response to an OP's comments and not always the big picture (i.e. the situation at hand).

 

 

Lets for a minute assume she didn't say that nasty comment but simply told him she was sick of him not satisfying her. And the guy came on telling us the story and also admitting that he uses being dunk as an excuse for not performing? I know what some or most of you would say and so do you. And is it at all possible that if this issue of lack of performance had been dragging out for ages, he might know she just said it out of complete frustration (i.e. it was comment symbolic of lack of performance and frustration).

 

 

And so what it comes down to is one sentence from this women has totally flipped the script to the point we give no thought to the other side of the story? Relationships and breakups can be long, drawn out and painful and always a journey and I think putting all that to one side on the account of one very stupid comment is out of balance.

 

 

And for those who say I don't have empathy. You must be kidding.

 

 

This person has come on here asking for help. Lets all stop being jilted dumpees and at least respond according to the bigger picture.

 

 

Some of us are not dumpees and still can see a line was crossed. The guy did the right thing and walked.

[ExpatInItaly]

Some of us are not dumpees and still can see a line was crossed. The guy did the right thing and walked.

 

Bingo.

 

Not a jilted dumpee here, and I would still advise this man stay away from OP. She lacks any sense of empathy and common courtesy.

 

This was a dealbreaker for him. Rightly so.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah I guess she could have just told him he sucks in bed and she hasn't ever climaxed once in the relationship.

 

 

After all, we all preach honesty on this site right?

 

What do you propose she should do? And him?

 

I'm curious to hear your solutions to this situation.

[marky00]

What do you propose she should do? And him?

 

I'm curious to hear your solutions to this situation.

 

I ask you the same question.

 

 

How can this guy improve his performance in the bedroom and how can she raise the issue without hurting his feelings?

[ExpatInItaly]

I ask you the same question.

 

 

How can this guy improve his performance in the bedroom and how can she raise the issue without hurting his feelings?

 

You misunderstood my question.

 

I meant what do you propose they both do now, after the comments have been made? You said we should all be looking at the bigger picture. Would you therefore encourage him to do the same now?

 

It would be interesting to hear a direct answer to the above, rather than a circular argument.

[VeveCakes]

Marky00 thinks he could handle this situation if it were him in it??

 

Doubtful.

[Redhead14]

What's funny is if the guy was on here complaining he got dumped, we'd all be laying into him for not paying attention to his gf's sexual needs. We don't know how bad he was in this department and sounds pretty bad if he going to blame his lack of performance on being drunk.

 

Look, I get why your all laying into her for her comment and most of you know I was brutally dumped myself so I'm not one to defend cruelty in any way.

 

But at least she is here being remorseful and we seriously do not know what had been going on to lead to this outburst.

 

It's pretty rare for a woman to complain about the sex being bad so it must have been very bad.

 

But at least she is here being remorseful

 

She hasn't indicated even the least bit of remorse for what she's done. THIS IS ALL ABOUT HER . . . she's questioning his responses to her bad behavior not apologizing. She basically thinks "he just needs to get over it" and be with her.

 

we seriously do not know what had been going on to lead to this outburst. -- This is true. However, I don't care what he did, it's the way she deals with HER response that's important. If she was stupid and immature enough to not be able to communicate her needs to him and put up with poor treatment from him and/or "his fumbling around in the dark" without guidance/support/communication, etc. to the point of losing control of herself and compromise her dignity and stooping to low levels, then she is just as culpable as he is for whatever he's been doing or not doing to contribute to the situation.

 

She's a petulant, spoiled, immature, selfish brat . . . he dodged a bullet no matter what he's done or didn't do.

[Redhead14]

Dealbreaker = ZERO Tolerance. Abusiveness is a deal breaker for me. It happens once, I'm out swiftly, with prejudice, without negotiation, without explanation and no excuse is acceptable.

[Blanco]

I ask you the same question.

 

 

How can this guy improve his performance in the bedroom and how can she raise the issue without hurting his feelings?

 

Well, not leading with "You have a small d*ck" is probably Item #1 on any list of ways she can raise this issue without hurting his feelings.

 

Alas, this is merely rhetorical at this point, because she's already said what she's said. For most guys, this is a bell that cannot be unrung and rightfully so.

[basil67]

I ask you the same question.

 

 

How can this guy improve his performance in the bedroom and how can she raise the issue without hurting his feelings?

 

Marky, you're going so off topic with your responses.

 

The OP said something very hurtful to her boyfriend. He walked. She wants to know how to get him back.

 

As an answer, we are telling her that there's no recovery from this. What advice would you give her?

[Sweetfish]

Within few weeks I realized , sex with him wasn't great.

 

"He is a shy guy."

"He seemed to have his own deep insecurities"

"He grew up very polished, soft spoken with a very sensitive heart."

"( his parents are very wealthy)" Not to sure the value of this statement.

 

 

I just looked straight to his eyes & said ' You have a small [d***]

He stopped right away , started weeping like a baby

He refused to show his naked body to me

I again yelled at him asking him to F*** meI was so agitated, I simply said , ' I lost interest in you'

 

He then decided to leave, showered, dressed up & kissed me on my forehead, hugged me telling me we will hangout soon again. While he was leaving my apartment, I offered him a bottled water, he thanked me telling me 'You are the best, best, you are the best' & he left.

 

Seriously, I would high five this guy, he executed this like a Gentleman.

[basil67]

I ask you the same question.

 

 

How can this guy improve his performance in the bedroom and how can she raise the issue without hurting his feelings?

 

She can't raise the issue with him because he's gone. Your argument is a moot point.

[mightycpa]

Because his two final acts were to squirt and vanish, I'd say that he did f**k her. Just not the way she wanted.

 

I don't think she's got to worry about him coming back either.

 

Next time, she should take the measure of a man at first sight. If he doesn't measure up to her standards, then stop right there and move on to the next one. Why court eventual disappointment? Know thyself.

 

He was not so amazing after all.

 

Also, in her defense, I'd just point out that we all learn things at the expense of others. Some of us are just more egregious at hurting people, I guess. But we all do it.

[marky00]

She can't raise the issue with him because he's gone. Your argument is a moot point.

 

I was referring to the past.

 

 

We have all been judging past actions here NO?

[basil67]

I was referring to the past.

 

 

We have all been judging past actions here NO?

 

We're answering her question. She didn't ask about the past.

[p87]

Sometimes you can't get closure. I didn't do anything wrong in my relationship that hurt my ex, but she left without clear explanation. She dumped me, made me feel worthless, but I did none to her. People experience heartbreak, and sometimes like me, there is nothing we can do. I am on the same boat now. I understand we all made mistakes, and right now if he doesn't want to come back, you have to move on.