Robert Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Note from moderation: the threadstarter's posts are being delayed through no fault of their own. We are approving them as soon as we are able to. Thank you for your patience and apologies for the inconvenience. This thread explains the issue in further detail: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/loveshack-org-questions-comments/459365-i-have-no-active-infractions-why-do-my-posts-require-moderation ~6
4kad Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 -I met a girl on a dating app, talked for a few days, scheduled lunch for 1pm on Saturday. -On Saturday morning I said I'm running late and let's do it for 1:30pm. -She showed up at 1:30 but I got there at 2pm - got stuck on the train -I apologized profusely over text as I was late and after I got there. She kept saying how it's really okay and it happens, not a big deal, etc. Unfortunately she had to leave at 2:45, so it was a real quick and short lunch. I know, I'm a total idiot. She was the sweetest girl and she dressed up nicely for me too. Anyway, the next day, Sunday, I called her and asked her to meet again mid-week. She picked up, and agreed to it and said "she'll get back to me just needed to check her work schedule". That's when I knew it was over. Mid-week came and sure enough she's sick so couldn't meet. And that's where we are at not. Spare me the criticism, I know I messed up badly. She was beautiful and smart. Any suggestions on how to keep it going..maybe I can just keep chatting with her for a few more weeks and let her warm up to me again? You think she lost interest because I was late? Don't mistakes happen?? Not to brag, but I almost always move past the first date with women. My first dates last like 3 hours, and by the end they usually want to see me again, so it frustrates me it's not working here. Thoughts? I been around long enough that the sick excuse to cancel a date is a convenient way out of seeing you again. Normally the top excuse to cancel a date is something about family or health. I would give another try and then you may have to move on. 1
4kad Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 1:30PM for a date? Hmm, I usually shoot for in the evening, I feel like people are more relaxed and it's overall more conducive to romance & flirting. Sounds like shes not interested, I would move onto the next one. yes that is a bit early for a 1st meet. Defintely should be after the sun goes down. 1
4kad Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 So many signs say she is not interested: -She left at 2:45, giving you only 45 minutes. Yes you were late and maybe she actually had to go, but with the next points, makes me wonder. -She said she would let you know and then bailed. She did not offer to reschedule. -She did not respond to your text about the onion article. You can keep trying in the hopes that persistence pays off, but I would say all signs point to not interested. Yeah 45 mins was kind of quick. Normally if it's going well it last about 2 hours.
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 So many signs say she is not interested: -She left at 2:45, giving you only 45 minutes. Yes you were late and maybe she actually had to go, but with the next points, makes me wonder. -She said she would let you know and then bailed. She did not offer to reschedule. -She did not respond to your text about the onion article. You can keep trying in the hopes that persistence pays off, but I would say all signs point to not interested. Just to clarify, she told me how she had to leave at 245 well in advance, so it wasn't a spontaneous decision on her part. 2
dumbass2 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Whatever you do, put the being late behind you. If you keep bringing it up or apologizing, you will not let things move past that. Also, try not to let that make you increase your sense of urgency or do needy things you may otherwise not do. Just try to get back on your normal dating routine with her and don't make the being late a factor on how you interact. Move on from it.
JamesM Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Unfortunately she had to leave at 2:45, so it was a real quick and short lunch. Did you know she had to leave prior to the date or did she tell you that when you arrived? I know, I'm a total idiot. She was the sweetest girl and she dressed up nicely for me too. Anyway, the next day, Sunday, I called her and asked her to meet again mid-week. She picked up, and agreed to it and said "she'll get back to me just needed to check her work schedule". That's when I knew it was over. Yes, she was looking forward to this, and in her mind you blew her off. IMO if she was going to blow you off for the second meeting and she mentioned checking her work schedule, why didn't she say she had to work instead of using her health as her excuse? Assume she was sick. Of course, if she was sick, then theoretically, she would call you and say she was better, and what would be a good time. Mid-week came and sure enough she's sick so couldn't meet. And that's where we are at not. How did she tell you? She was sick and you couldn't meet with no "I will call you" or "call me" added on?
normal person Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I don't think being late was the reason she canceled the 2nd date. You let her know you were stuck on the train, and apologized. I'm sure she's reasonable enough to know that wasn't your fault. If I felt I really clicked with a guy, I would be willing to try a 2nd date if his delay on the first one was down to a transportation problem. I think it's more likely she just didn't feel the chemistry in person. Yup. 1:30PM for a date? Hmm, I usually shoot for in the evening, I feel like people are more relaxed and it's overall more conducive to romance & flirting. Sounds like shes not interested, I would move onto the next one. Yup. Lunch and coffee are bad ideas for first dates. How many days should I wait to call for next week's schedule? I don't want to be too late obviously and ask last minute. But I don't want to seem desperate and ask right away. Calling a girl you met once for 45 minutes who's avoiding your communication otherwise is desperate. Sorry. I sent her a funny Onion article related to something we talked about during our date, after she cancelled for yesterday, but she never responded. Sounds like you've got your answer there. If she wants to go out with you, she'd respond. She'd use any opportunity she can to talk to you/see you again. Here's my plan: I want to call her and ask her to meet at this specific wine bar that's very close to her place, and give her the option of like 3 nights next week to meet. She's avoiding your text and now you want to call her? Save yourself the embarrassment, dude. This way she knows I'm willing to make the effort to go all the way near where she lives (it's in NYC). Have you considered a scenario where she knows and understands that trains run late sometimes, she knows you're nice and willing to make an effort to go somewhere near where she lives, but she simply just still doesn't like you enough to want to see you again? Because that's really what it sounds like. I'm sure you're a nice guy. But going the extra mile for someone who clearly doesn't want you to isn't going to win her over, it's just going to put undue pressure on her and make you feel frustrated. It's New York, she's probably already moved on, as I suggest you do. I will call her and tell her, and if she doesn't pick up I will text her the plan. But anything else I can add to the plan to make it real special? Likely your odds of seeing her again aren't dependent on how "special" you make it. They're dependent on whether or not she likes you. That's basically it. You could offer to fly her to Paris, it probably won't change anything. You're trying to use good will and generosity like currency to get what you want out of her. I know you don't have bad intentions, but it's almost manipulative to try and pry your way into someone's time and attention by being overly nice and accommodating, when it's clear that they don't want you to be. If she says no, I kind of want to say "I think you should give me another chance, there simply wasn't enough time last time (my fault)", but in a smooth way. Thoughts? She knows it's not your fault. That still doesn't mean she wants to see you again. Just because you're a nice guy who "always" gets a second date doesn't mean every woman on Earth will always want to, or that you're entitled to see someone again, or that you should keep pestering this woman to go out with you. If you're really that nice, respect her ability to make up her own mind about you. If she wants to see you again, she'll tell you when she isn't sick. If she never does, take the hint. You can't win them all. 3
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 Did you know she had to leave prior to the date or did she tell you that when you arrived? Yes, I knew prior to arriving. Yes, she was looking forward to this, and in her mind you blew her off. IMO if she was going to blow you off for the second meeting and she mentioned checking her work schedule, why didn't she say she had to work instead of using her health as her excuse? Assume she was sick. Of course, if she was sick, then theoretically, she would call you and say she was better, and what would be a good time. Exactly; and why would she pick up my call. Not only did she pick up, but she couldn't talk at the moment so she said she'd call back in a few, which she did! How did she tell you? She was sick and you couldn't meet with no "I will call you" or "call me" added on? She just said sorry i'm sick and probably won't be able to meet today. That's all. This was the weakest sign
todreaminblue Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 hey, sounds like to me she was being honest just make another date, do a later date,check the timetables of your trains catch the one that gets you there in plenty of time(not right on time)leave room for any unforeseen delays...or catch a cab... and as others have suggested, do be early if she says yes....deb
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Yeah I agree -- changing the date to be later and being late anyway was a double whammy. Probably the reason they don't want a 2nd. I think so too. I DO think the "being late" thing was probably a huge part of it. The "stuck on the train" bit, okay, maybe, if that train is generally late or has odd stops or...something? But you started out "running late." That feels game player-ish OR "meh" to me. One or the other. Maybe both...It would have turned me off. I'd say "that's just me" but apparently it isn't as I'm not the first one saying that on here. Sure, you can try again but if this tanks, next time, don't mess around in the morning to be "running late" in the first place. And for shoot sure don't keep some girl waiting a whole hour. That's a really long time. I'd have left, personally.
Miss Peach Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Since you really like her, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking one more time in case she really was sick. But since she didn't counter, I would be prepared in case she makes an excuse or says no. The rest of the stuff you posted is stuff I've done on dates myself and it doesn't really hint much about interest IMO. Plus I actually prefer lunch or coffee for an OLD meet since you have no idea whether there will be chemistry and I have only do much time to meet for dinner. Plus dinner tends to be when other things I want to do (i.e., meetups, dance classes, etc.) are usually going on cutting down my availability. 2
JamesM Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Worse case scenario is if you call her...she ignores your call or says no to a date. An okay scenario is that she says not now but she would like to meet. Best case scenario is that she agree to another date, you meet, and live happily ever after. Point is...you really have nothing to lose but your pride if you call, and everything to lose if you don't possibly. If you listen to the nays here and never call, then you lose no matter how you want to define it. If you call, then you have a much, much better chance of winning than if you played the lottery. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Worse case scenario is if you call her...she ignores your call or says no to a date. An okay scenario is that she says not now but she would like to meet. Best case scenario is that she agree to another date, you meet, and live happily ever after. Point is...you really have nothing to lose but your pride if you call, and everything to lose if you don't possibly. If you listen to the nays here and never call, then you lose no matter how you want to define it. If you call, then you have a much, much better chance of winning than if you played the lottery. Personally, I never said "don't call" - I just said what I'd be thinking, and I think a few others here have said the same, basically. He can call and try one more time, sure.
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 So now the question is, when do I call. Tonight and try to set something up for this weekend? Or do I have to wait till Sat/Sun to try something for next week? Yesterday was our last contact when she cancelled.
JamesM Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Personally, I never said "don't call" - I just said what I'd be thinking, and I think a few others here have said the same, basically. He can call and try one more time, sure. I didn't mean to say that anyone in particular said not to call, but if he listens to the negatives here (and not to say they are right or wrong), then he may lose out on an opportunity. It will be risky to call, but he may be rewarded. When to call? If she was really sick, then she may still be sick. Personally, I would wait until Sunday (if she hasn't called you) at the earliest to set something up for next week. Monday may even be better. But that is just me.
normal person Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 So now the question is, when do I call. Tonight and try to set something up for this weekend? Or do I have to wait till Sat/Sun to try something for next week? Yesterday was our last contact when she cancelled. If she likes you, it probably won't matter when you call. Similar to the sentiment "if she likes you, she wouldn't ignore your text." 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 So now the question is, when do I call. Tonight and try to set something up for this weekend? Or do I have to wait till Sat/Sun to try something for next week? Yesterday was our last contact when she cancelled. Don't call unless she's like over 40 or something. Most younger Women prefer texting initially, at least until they get to know you better and WANT to talk on the phone. I wouldn't wait around forever. It's probably too late to get a weekend slot with her now unless you're lucky -- you'll probably have to settle for a weeknight next week. Make sure your texting is on point, and don't sound too needy.
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 UPDATE: She just replied to my text from yesterday with the Onion article. So now tonight I'll reply back to her and try to set up something for either Sat or Sun. Will let you all know. Thanks everyone! 3
jc14tr Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 First of all, what is your heart telling you? Second...sounds like you have a plan. Its worth a (second) try! Let me know how it goes.
GoldSparkz Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 UPDATE: She just replied to my text from yesterday with the Onion article. So now tonight I'll reply back to her and try to set up something for either Sat or Sun. Will let you all know. Thanks everyone! That's a great sign that she texted back. Fingers crossed you managed to set up that second date. Let us know the updates.
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