Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 -I met a girl on a dating app, talked for a few days, scheduled lunch for 1pm on Saturday. -On Saturday morning I said I'm running late and let's do it for 1:30pm. -She showed up at 1:30 but I got there at 2pm - got stuck on the train -I apologized profusely over text as I was late and after I got there. She kept saying how it's really okay and it happens, not a big deal, etc. Unfortunately she had to leave at 2:45, so it was a real quick and short lunch. I know, I'm a total idiot. She was the sweetest girl and she dressed up nicely for me too. Anyway, the next day, Sunday, I called her and asked her to meet again mid-week. She picked up, and agreed to it and said "she'll get back to me just needed to check her work schedule". That's when I knew it was over. Mid-week came and sure enough she's sick so couldn't meet. And that's where we are at not. Spare me the criticism, I know I messed up badly. She was beautiful and smart. Any suggestions on how to keep it going..maybe I can just keep chatting with her for a few more weeks and let her warm up to me again? You think she lost interest because I was late? Don't mistakes happen?? Not to brag, but I almost always move past the first date with women. My first dates last like 3 hours, and by the end they usually want to see me again, so it frustrates me it's not working here. Thoughts?
madjac74 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 A girl i met on a dating site and had plans to meet...wen't silent for like 2 weeks. I had given up on it....she texted me out of the blue and we had a date and a great time. We dated for 2 years. Don't stress. She may actually be sick or have other things going on 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I don't think being late was the reason she canceled the 2nd date. You let her know you were stuck on the train, and apologized. I'm sure she's reasonable enough to know that wasn't your fault. If I felt I really clicked with a guy, I would be willing to try a 2nd date if his delay on the first one was down to a transportation problem. I think it's more likely she just didn't feel the chemistry in person. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 1:30PM for a date? Hmm, I usually shoot for in the evening, I feel like people are more relaxed and it's overall more conducive to romance & flirting. Sounds like shes not interested, I would move onto the next one.
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I too think she could have gotten past you being late. However, part of her probably wondered if you were into her. My insecure would have told me that a guy who was genuinely into me would have been chomping at the bit to get to the date & would have been there by 12:30 not calling to say he was late at 1. Try 1 more time. Call & see if you can get on next week's schedule but do be early. 3
lurker74 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Honestly, with online dating, it probably means that she's had at least 1 other date and maybe that just went better. It could be that she marries that guy and you never see her again. On the other hand, maybe she becomes available again. 1
losangelena Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Or ... she could just be sick? It could be any number of reasons, but just keep your head on straight, and try one more time. If she's truly not feeling it, I doubt there's anything you could do to make it better. 5
AdentureWithMe Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I highly doubt it was you being late that upset her enough to not want a 2nd date. Sure, she was probably annoyed but if she liked the 45 minutes in person time she spent with you, I would think she'd be curious enough to give you another go. I think it could have been more just a personality/chemistry thing. Can you tell us a bit more about the date itself? Did lunch feel rushed/did you have enough time to order/eat? Lots of illnesses are going around now so it's very plausible that she's sick. I've had someone tell me he needed to "check his schedule" after canceling a date. I offered a new date and we still ended up getting together. So this isn't necessarily bad news, try one more time. She already said "check my schedule" and "sick". The 3rd one would have to be mighty creative of an excuse and then you'll know for sure that she's not interested if she makes no effort to offer an alternative day.
introverted1 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Seems to me he was more or less an hour late. the original plans were for 1pm and he changed them the morning of for no real reason except "running late." Then he was 30 min late anyway. What this would say to me, as someone who is on time and respectful of other people's time, is that this date was not a priority to the OP. In addition, it only left 45 minutes for the date itself, so there wasn't much opportunity to make a connection. Add that to the fact that an hour of her day was wasted as a result of OP, and she just may not be feeling it. 9
JamesM Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 From her side.... Guy wants date. He schedules the time, and then reschedules the time. For whatever reason, he is STILL late. Therefore, he doesn't care about me enough. The thing is... guys, who really care about a date will be early. They will be afraid of exactly what happened to you. They will plan to arrive fifteen to thirty minutes early just in case. It may mean sitting alone at the meeting place or driving around until the time is near. What they don't do is leave the possibility for being late. Being late says alot about you. Being that it is her first impression of you, this was not good. If she is like me and being on time is important, then she will not like this character "flaw" in you. Is she sick? Probably. But here is the thing. If you care about her, then you won't give up. If you don't care, then you quit calling. So, now you call and ask how she is. You again apologize for the first short date, but you would like to give it another shot. You really were impressed with her. You apologize and say that this isn't normal for you, and then you prove that to her if given the chance. If this was a sixth date and you were late, then it would be no big deal. But being the first date, she only knows you as someone who can't get to places on time. Yes, there is the possibility that she was not impressed with you, but you don't know. It is also possible that she was planning on calling you and she did get sick. Try again. And do NOT allow the possibility of being late even if it means being there two hours earlier. 4
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 Thanks for the response guys! You guys give me some hope. As a few of you stated, I don't think it was being late in and of itself that was the problem. It was that being late didn't leave enough time for her to fall for me - again not to brag but I'm charming enough that I always get 2nd dates. On top of that I was so flustered and maybe off my game a bit because of the lateness. Anyway I will try to call her again, hopefully she picks up, if not I'll leave a nice voicemail. I'll wait till the weekend.
preraph Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Nothing you can do. You barely know her, so just let it go. Next time, be sure you are on time. It is a legit reason to stop seeing someone. It's disrespectful and can usually be avoided by advance planning.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Seems to me he was more or less an hour late. the original plans were for 1pm and he changed them the morning of for no real reason except "running late." Then he was 30 min late anyway. What this would say to me, as someone who is on time and respectful of other people's time, is that this date was not a priority to the OP. In addition, it only left 45 minutes for the date itself, so there wasn't much opportunity to make a connection. Add that to the fact that an hour of her day was wasted as a result of OP, and she just may not be feeling it. Yeah I agree -- changing the date to be later and being late anyway was a double whammy. Probably the reason they don't want a 2nd.
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 I too think she could have gotten past you being late. However, part of her probably wondered if you were into her. My insecure would have told me that a guy who was genuinely into me would have been chomping at the bit to get to the date & would have been there by 12:30 not calling to say he was late at 1. Try 1 more time. Call & see if you can get on next week's schedule but do be early. How many days should I wait to call for next week's schedule? I don't want to be too late obviously and ask last minute. But I don't want to seem desperate and ask right away. I sent her a funny Onion article related to something we talked about during our date, after she cancelled for yesterday, but she never responded. Here's my plan: I want to call her and ask her to meet at this specific wine bar that's very close to her place, and give her the option of like 3 nights next week to meet. This way she knows I'm willing to make the effort to go all the way near where she lives (it's in NYC). I will call her and tell her, and if she doesn't pick up I will text her the plan. But anything else I can add to the plan to make it real special? If she says no, I kind of want to say "I think you should give me another chance, there simply wasn't enough time last time (my fault)", but in a smooth way. Thoughts?
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 I think it could have been more just a personality/chemistry thing. Can you tell us a bit more about the date itself? Did lunch feel rushed/did you have enough time to order/eat? Well there was enough time to order and eat. However, and I'm sure you know this, the chemistry builds I think exponentially on a first date. Meaning, for the first maybe half hour or so you kind of are just getting your feet wet and eventually you get comfortable enough and know just enough about each other to form that connection haha. At least that's how it's always worked for me.
niji Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Not to brag, but I almost always move past the first date with women. My first dates last like 3 hours, and by the end they usually want to see me again, so it frustrates me it's not working here. Thoughts? I wonder if you're more bummed about not getting a second date (right away), than not seeing HER again. Not everyone will be into you, and you may not realize this, but many women can read the guy with "that" attitude - thinking you'll be able to pick up just about any women is a huge turnoff for some women. When you've just had one date, there's not a whole lot you have to do to show someone you're really interested. Keep up the daily texting, if she's into that, but you don't have to go out of your way to arrange an anniversary-like date or anything. If people are interested, they will come around. If not, move on. Again, not everyone will be interested in having a second date with you. Even if you're Ryan Gosling - I bet he's been turned down before. 3
Purepony Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 How many days should I wait to call for next week's schedule? I don't want to be too late obviously and ask last minute. But I don't want to seem desperate and ask right away. I sent her a funny Onion article related to something we talked about during our date, after she cancelled for yesterday, but she never responded. Here's my plan: I want to call her and ask her to meet at this specific wine bar that's very close to her place, and give her the option of like 3 nights next week to meet. This way she knows I'm willing to make the effort to go all the way near where she lives (it's in NYC). I will call her and tell her, and if she doesn't pick up I will text her the plan. But anything else I can add to the plan to make it real special? If she says no, I kind of want to say "I think you should give me another chance, there simply wasn't enough time last time (my fault)", but in a smooth way. Thoughts? Why don't you just start by calling her to see if she's sick and needs anything ? Just to check up to show your concerned instead your here thinking of the next date 2
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 Why don't you just start by calling her to see if she's sick and needs anything ? Just to check up to show your concerned instead your here thinking of the next date Wouldn't that be a bit weird? I've only met her once, and to check up on her to see if she needs anything...like medicine for instance? 1
JamesM Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Why don't you just start by calling her to see if she's sick and needs anything ? Just to check up to show your concerned instead your here thinking of the next date Agree. BTW, the question asked is a good one: are you bummed because she doesn't seem to want a second date, or because she doesn't want to see you, or because you actually like her? And if you set up another date with her, then by all means you had better be sitting in a seat waiting for her to get there! That means you should be there a half hour early in case she is the kind that gets there fifteen minutes early. As for which night, tell her that you have every night free but you thought the best nights would be.... Good luck. 3
Author Kitchen Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 I'm bummed because I actually like her. She's beautiful, successful, and sweet. Only reason I stated how I always get 2nd dates is so you guys get the context of the situation - that it's not something I'm doing seriously wrong where I never get past the 1st date.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 Why don't you just start by calling her to see if she's sick and needs anything ? Just to check up to show your concerned instead your here thinking of the next date I think after one botched first date it's too soon to be "checking in" on someone or seeing if they need anything. Also OP I wouldn't try and beg for a 2nd date by apologizing and "asking" for a 2nd chance -- I would try keep things light and flirty. You can apologize for being late, but don't dwell on it much. Ask her out again and go from there.
olivetree Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 So many signs say she is not interested: -She left at 2:45, giving you only 45 minutes. Yes you were late and maybe she actually had to go, but with the next points, makes me wonder. -She said she would let you know and then bailed. She did not offer to reschedule. -She did not respond to your text about the onion article. You can keep trying in the hopes that persistence pays off, but I would say all signs point to not interested. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 I think generally it's harder (and not worth it) dealing with flakey people after you've already had at least one date together. If you blow your first impression it's hard to get a second shot. If they're just being flakey prior to the first meet, it's much easier to overcome. Because if you play your cards right they'll probably be at least open to meeting you and seeing how things go. This is where you can make a really good first impression, and their interest in you increases dramatically.
mightycpa Posted February 9, 2017 Posted February 9, 2017 How many days should I wait to call for next week's schedule? I don't want to be too late obviously and ask last minute. But I don't want to seem desperate and ask right away. I sent her a funny Onion article related to something we talked about during our date, after she cancelled for yesterday, but she never responded. Here's my plan: I want to call her and ask her to meet at this specific wine bar that's very close to her place, and give her the option of like 3 nights next week to meet. This way she knows I'm willing to make the effort to go all the way near where she lives (it's in NYC). I will call her and tell her, and if she doesn't pick up I will text her the plan. But anything else I can add to the plan to make it real special? If she says no, I kind of want to say "I think you should give me another chance, there simply wasn't enough time last time (my fault)", but in a smooth way. Thoughts?I'd go with whatever is right after desperate. Eager? Call today, what's the harm in expressing real interest? There's a million girls on this forum who complain about not getting clear signals, so send one.
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